embers

i have been hammering out a presentation that is due tomorrow, and, although it is interesting, i don't think i've really learned much from it other than procrastinating isn't such a good idea. the presentation is on "understanding your adolescent" in three parts. my three parts focus on adolescent development, the contexts of adolescent development, and then a section on youth culture today.

had some good chats today with various people. am trying to learn from others without putting so much authoritative weight on their words and opinions because that's often what i tend to do... think of people as experts when really they have no more experience than me (or less!).

the "end of the year school mentality" has started already and my roommates are having people over all hours of daylight and late into the night. i like to go to bed at a reasonable hour... i don't like being kept awake by guitar playing in our upstairs living room. :(

tomorrow will be a long day... due to my own inconsistencies and procrastination. i have to hammer out a ten page paper before 4pm. luckily it's a personal profile paper and not a research or theological paper!

i'm tired. i'm going to bed.

The heart is a costly thing to sell in the prime of the years
And my heart is thinly veiled in the usual fears
The heart is the dream, and the kiss
That there could be mor than this, to keep it burning...
- Caedmon's Call, "Manner and Means"

?

does anyone know what's up with my comments? how do i fix it so it'll tell us that people have commented?

stereotype be

And, as part of their egocentrism, adolescents' concerns with how others view them are likely to produce overreactions to parents' comments. A mother may comment to her adolescent daughter that she needs a new blouse. The daughter might respond, "What's the matter? You don't think I have good taste? You think I look gross, don't you? Well you are the one who is gross!"
- Santrock, John W. Adolescence. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill, 2001, page 150.

wait for me

i found this weblog tonight on my random internet surfing called as i wait, which is subtitled "letters to my future husband." i've read a little of it and find it a pretty interesting use of a blog. i don't know that i could be that dedicated though to writing to my future husband every day. and, it's a pretty personal thing to put on the internet. i don't think i would do that.

i have a silver box with "love is patient" written on the front of it. it's full of sealed cards and letters with the dates written on them, all cards i have written on various random days and holidays and special days over the past few years. they're letters for my husband and i think will be a wedding present for him of sorts. i also have a book that i made by taking an old book cover (the book was called "the romance of the prairie provinces", i thought it was a cool cover) and taking out the old pages and sewing together new blank ones and glued them in place inside so now it's a blank journal basically) that i have been filling with little one or two page collages of poetry, Bible passages, and a few pictures over the past couple of years that i intend to be an engagement present. i get a ring, he gets a book full of my heart.

i'm excited to give them to him. i pray for him often. i pray for me often too. and i try to remember to pray for our relationship ahead of us.

my thoughts for him are between me and God at the moment, and one day will be between me and him and God. i'm excited for that. i looking forward to it.

but for now, i try to wait patiently.

late night thoughts

rachel and holly just left my room after a little late night chat. i think most good chats happen late at night.

there were northern lights tonight. God is rad.

i got to thinking today that perhaps… well, actually not "perhaps", "for sure" i would say would be a better choice of words, my worries and uncertainties about the summer stem out of selfishness, selfish goals, selfish ambition.

i got asked to go back to a place i love and work with some pretty cool people. i was the only core female staff who decided on going back. but i was thinking that perhaps i should not go back because (and some of these reasons will make no sense to anyone except for me and God) in no particular order:
a) none of the other core female staff are going back.
b) the other core female staff were awesome and i developed some awesome friendships with them and the job just won't be the same without them.
c) my weekends are totally uncertain this summer… i have no idea where i'll be ending up for any of them and i hate not knowing things like this.
d) i hate imposing myself on people's generosity.
e) i'm afraid to take on positions of big leadership.
f) i'd like to get paid more.
g) i worry that i should do another internship.
h) i've never gone back to the same job before.
i) i'm afraid to take risks in relationships.
j) i'm afraid of letting old loves die.
k) i'm afraid of starting a new one.

my focus has been on myself. i keep forgetting that God will provide, he has things under control, and he knows what he's doing! his plan is bigger than my plan. i'm being selfish in seeking after my own needs and worry about myself, when his plan is bigger than anything i can imagine. Father, let me give it all to you. he's going to use me no matter where i end up, but i'd rather be where he wants me to be than somewhere else.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink' or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air' they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aare you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?… But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be give n to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
- Matthew 6:25-27, 33, 34

abandon

so i have been waiting the whole school year to see this movie (which i'm not exactly sure why, because i don't like to watch "scary" movies at all), and tonight finally got to.

it was weird. a weird movie. not quite a beautful mind or k-pax weird, but close. i was sure "katie" was a psycho the whole movie. i thought that the characters could have been developed much better and the story could have been written much better. it's sad when it's all about star power. the ending was a bit of a surprise and joanne thought it was fabulous.

overall, there was a lot of sex that we had to fast forward through. and yeah, i wouldn't suggest wasting any money on renting it.

hip hip horay

i almost forgot. the yearbooks came in today. the layout always looks different in the final book than what i see it looking like while i'm actually doing the layout (due to the edges of the pages being actually cut off i think, and also because it's glossy paper and not matte like we always see it pre-production), but i think it looks pretty good.

i got to see them first this year, how exciting is that? but yearbook dedication chapel and hand-them-out-day isn't until april 7. that's a long time to keep them hidden from the general student populace.

walking and poutine

i cannot remember ever walking as much as i walked today. i seriously feel like i walked all day without sitting down once my class ended just before 1pm. it seemed like i walked in between my house and the academic building and my old dorm and everything else.

i helped my roommate maria set up for the community art show today in "the landing" (old chapel) that she is in charge of. i went tonight for it (it's also open tomorrow). there was a really good turnout, lots of art, and it was set up really well. i put in a few pieces, two series of photographs called "winter 1"(photographs from a day full of hoar frost from around campus) and "winter 2"(photos from around my Gramma's of leaves and hay bales and a tree), a watercolour i did awhile ago of a green leaf, a picture of my dog from Christmas break, and a picture of some poplar trees in a frame i made out of pop cans turned inside out and hammered to look all cool.

after setting up, i came back to the house and hung out with holly and talked to ryan on msn. i hadn't ever talked to anyone i know solely through blogging before on anything other than comments or email so that was sort of neat. these ultramodern contexts like the internet and IM that we can "meet" people in are interesting. we didn't discuss anything extremely interesting or life changing, but since ryan mentioned poutine and what an absolutely wonderful food it is ;) we decided to go out to the only restaurant in town and have poutine for supper. so now i'm all healthy after eating my vegetables. french fries are a vegetable, right?

after supper holly and i went on a little walk around town, including the root cellar roof, and the cemetery (places she had never beeb), and inside the root cellar (where i had never been, except we were too chicken to go past the entryway really...) and took some photos, hopefully they turn out looking cool. :)

i spy

exciting life update

the title is a bit of a misprint. sorry. my life isn't exciting. well, i guess it all depends on how you look at it... so, yes, welcome to my exciting life update.

class (programming strategies for effective youth and family ministry) has been going well, i'm a little bit sad that it's over tomorrow at noon. i'd have to say that it's definitely my favourite youth min class that i've taken so far, and it's also my last youth min class. i might take one more in the fall, we'll see what's offered and how much money i have when the time comes. i only have one more semester until my master of arts degree is done, and that semester will consist of three Bible and theology courses and writing my MRRP (ministry related research paper).

i don't have any imminent homework to complete tonight, so i came to the library where the internet connection is fabulously swift and cleaned up my html on my blog, rearranged everything on the sidebar, and surfed the internet and checked up on peoples' blogs that i haven't been to recently because of my busy-ness.

and i'd just like you to know also that i'm in the queue over at interviewed. i did an interview last week and expect to be up sometime next week. :)

that is all. over and out.

pardon me

sorry friends that i don't have much time to blog these days... i promise i will write something interesting once the weekend arrives. class is keeping me busy.

what?

i got an email today from "michelle kao" addressed to me as "michelle kao" that said the following (according to altavista's translator):

"Female? Fast? New? Bright? Pulls up newly? Bright? Today, fine? Set meal, piece? Benefit? So long as Yuan! New? Bright? Again delivers you is small? Item Í«, three big superhumen? New? Bright? The boundary pities ¨×? New? Bright? To following? Site? Home station? Site? Cocoon? Cocoon? Home station? site "

i have a few things to say in regards to this email:

a) my name is not michelle kao.
b) i don't speak chinese.
c) the translation does not make any sense to me.
d) you have confused me greatly.

in the mood

i really really really really should be in bed attempting to sleep as it's almost midnight and i have class at 8:30am, but i feel ever so much more like writing right now. so that's what i'm doing.

so i found out this evening that i have a place to live next semester... with one of my good friends in a nice place. we are hoping however that a third girl can get out of dorm that we want to live with because with just two people the rent and utilities are $275 each. this year i'm only paying $120 rent plus utilities which is usually $30-50 more. so, yeah, we would like a third person, although that would mean two people would have to share a bedroom, cheaper rent is always better. :)

my class today was really good (programming strategies for effective youth and family ministry), it is a lot different than the other youth ministry classes i've taken. sadly, it is also officially my last youth ministry class, all i have left after this week to finish is three Bible and theology classes and my mrrp (ministry related research paper). even just in one day's worth of class i've really been thinking about my youth ministry experience (which really isn't as much as i had thought it was before... i was in a couple of youth groups in college, i volunteered with three different youth groups while in college, and did my internship at a church, plus worked at camp for a couple of summers). we did a lot of evaluating different methods today that was really helpful..

and i have been thinking more about doing another internship... i have been looking at a few that i've found that sound really good, some are a year long and some are just for the summer. a year long one would be cool except then afterwards i probably would not go back to finish my degree. and a summer one would be an awesome learning experience, but i already have a summer job. but having an internship for the summer would also provide me probably with better pay and i wouldn't have to worry about what to do on weekends (the camp i work at you can't stay at on weekends, everyone goes home except i live 3500km away so i can't really do that...). so the gist of this whole paragraph is that i'm looking at doing something else for the summer, i'm just not sure about it all.

but anyways, this is long and rambling and i am going to go to bed now and drift off into sleepyness. bon nuit! :)

In all your ways acknowledge Him
and He will direct your paths."
- Proverbs 3:6

compulsion

so i feel this compulsion to update and add a new entry... i can't think of anything really that i want to post. what is going on in your life? maybe the comments can make this post, but this would, of course, require your enthusiastic-ness.

what are you up to today? what is one little cool thing that you noticed today or tonight or this afternoon? tonight, on my way over to the library, i noticed orion was very bright. it was cool. that's my cool thing, now what is yours?

i meant to post this entry last night (Sunday), but didn't have time to connect to the internet, so here it is this afternoon.


still to be, yet to come

today was a long day. Joanne got back from Banff and showed me all of their digital pictures so that was fun, and lots of people came over in the afternoon and evening.

i talked to my older sister this afternoon, i haven't talked to her since Christmas. i talked to my younger sister yesterday evening…usually i don't talk to my siblings very often any more. we used to keep in touch a lot by email but this past year have been not so great at keeping in touch. i also have a brother by the way, but his dorm is weird and they don't have phones in their rooms, just a hall phone for outgoing calls. i'm the second of four children, my older sister is three years older, my other sister is three and a half years younger, and my brother is five years younger.

a good friend told me this afternoon that her and another friend had been talking about our housemates and decided that they could definitely see me getting married in the future and having cool kids. so that was nice to hear, i guess.

and then another friend told me this evening, when we were just talking about something random and totally unrelated, that i should go to this camp in the States this summer and work there (it's actually somewhere i had thought about working this year)… and that i was definitely someone that should be in the U.S. i said "what? i'm Canadian!", and she said "i know, but you belong in the States. i found this very interesting.

i love my country. i used to always think that Canada was the superior country. but then, after i had spent a couple of summers in the US, i came to the conclusion that our two countries are pretty much the same, one isn't superior over the other. why do Canadians get so uptight about being a better country? why do Americans think they're the superior country?

i don't really care what country i end up living in in the end. if i ended up marrying an American, i wouldn't mind if we lived in either country, but i would want my kids to have an opportunity to live in both countries.

this post has ended up really evolving and i'm not sure if i have really said anything i wanted to say when i started writing this. what i wanted to say is i'm excited about where God is taking me. this is such a grand journey we're on here… and i hope that the best of me is still to be and yet to come. i'm looking forward to looking back on life and thinking i didn't miss a thing, i accomplished and did everything i was meant to.

"I'd like to think the best of me is still hiding up my sleeve"
- John Mayer

all set?

today i did manage to get a little bit of homework done, although i still have a ton left before monday morning. i have class this next week, it's called Programming Strategies for Youth and Family Ministry. i'm not too sure how it will go, i hope it'll be interesting. i think it will be very interactive compared to some of my other classes.

i went on a lovely spring walk around town with holly this evening... i am a bit out of shape after a long winter. i should take tamara's bike and get the tires pumped up so i can ride it. i miss bike riding, i haven't done it since late December when we still hadn't any snow. seems like forever ago.

before i know it the summer will be upon me. and for the first time in awhile, my summer is set and pretty much planned out for me. i have a job. i know what i'm going to be doing pretty much. and, for the first time ever, i'm going back to a job i've had before (being a program director at the same camp i worked at last summer). but i'm a little bit restless about it. it's far from home (mapquest tells me it's 3513.97km) . it's far from the prairies (it's in Ontario). it's pretty much in toronto suburbia (somewhere i never had any desire to be).

i had an awesome time last summer. i met some great people. i had a ton of fun. i learned a lot. God taught me much.

then why is it i'm restless about it? why is it i've been roaming the net looking for another ministry job? why is it that i've been thinking about all the other cities i could live in this summer doing some random weird job?

Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?
- John Mayer, "Not Myself"

in response to "awake and dreaming"

in response to my post awake and dreaming a few days ago, ian commented the following:

"How different would you see it if you were living under the Iraqi government? How much more supportive would you be if the media showed pictures of the rape and torture rooms? If you'd seen fifty thousand Kurds murdered with chemical weapons would you be more supportive of the war?"

i started to write some comments back but decided to post them here as they were getting a little long, and i think it's an important post:

"thank you for your comments ian. i was wondering if anyone would say anything.

i think that in general me and my fellow canadian peers think differently about war. even though we are so very close geographically we have a completely different outlook. i've seen american peers here at school getting upset over some canadian's insensitive reactions to the war.

we aren't educated in the same way about war. we don't have brothers or sisters going off to fight for someone else's or our own freedom. we don't have a government supportive of war unless the world (i.e. the UN) decides to be.

we don't have have such strong opinions. we don't quite know what to think. it's not directly affecting us as individuals or our "world".

but we all have valid opinions. i don't understand war. i don't understand even one one-hundredth of a percent of what is going on over in iraq or why the usa has decided to go to war. i don't understand why innocent people are getting killed. i want justice, but i want justice without innocent bloodshed.

but, as fallible men, we haven't figured out how to right wrongs without it."

random

somehow i found a link to random bandname generator... my favourites include:

undefined michelle
michelle of the oatmeal
somewhat michelle
zippy michelle and the shovel therapy
invincible michelle
amphibious michelle and the going decadence
michelle cowhide
prickly heart
heart department
daisy twilight
daisy taylor
witty grace
grace utopia and the force
mikao reverb
lukewarm distant
mikao sprocket
moonlight mikao and the paper
twelfth mikao
mikao unjustified
stereo of the hungry
mikao affliction

and then i saw"online mikao" and i knew it was time for me to get off the net.

slivers

today is of course another beautiful day, my weatherpixie tells me it was 12 celcius two hours ago ( 54 degrees fahrenheit).

i went for a short walk over to the post office, where my mailbox was empty, but i did take my camera with me. i took the time to venture onto the root cellar roof to take a picture and ended up with a lot of slivers (i think that the wooden shingles are as old as the building!) and almost fell through the roof, and my camera was having some problems so the two pictures i took were not exactly what i wanted. our campus was actually a WWII air training base, and a few of the old time war buildings are still around, including the root cellar (it's still used today), the landing (our old chapel, it was a theatre i think in war time, and just happens to be one of my favourite places), the skating rink (it was an airplane hangar), and there's one war dorm left. the site i linked actually has a picture of the root cellar, it's the one in the top left of the first collage of four. the top right one is the skating rink, the bottom left is gable heights, a dorm (it got painted last summer though so doesn't look quite so cruddy), and the bottom right one is the laundromat. they've missed quite a few wartime buildings though, i know of more than just what they have pictured.

just a few slivers of history for you. it's a beautiful day out for taking photographs, so i am wishing that i had picked up some more film yesterday in moose jaw, but i forgot.

california alberta dreamin'

joanne just left in her rented ford explorer for a weekend with three dorm girls in calgary and banff. they asked me if i wanted to come with them.

i said no. i have homework to do.

so i'd better get it done. i missed a trip to banff for it!

just drive

i would just like to announce to the world that i have the whole house to myself all afternoon. this has never happened before that i can remember. this does not happen often in a house of seven females.

and, it also happens to be a clean house too, as our landlord is coming tomorrow with some potential buyers so we thought we'd better clean it up a bit. it looks spectacularly fabulous.

holly went out with jodi for the afternoon. maria and tamara went to an art retreat for today and tomorrow. suzanne is at work. joanne is driving to banff in a rental car. and rachel just got home... so my freedom was short lived. but she lives on the bottom level, and i live on the fourth (we live ina weird split four-level house). so it's almost like i have the whole house to myself.

but anyways, i am going to finish organizing my room. exciting i know. i also need to ice a cake for the surprise birthday party i am throwing tonight.

and in honour of joanne, who is finally taking a roadtrip (even though it may not be the road trip of her dreams)... i am posting some song lyrics. i am looking forward to the day when i can just get in my car and drive away and go anywhere i want. i hope that day comes soon.

I am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom
4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind
- John Mayer, "Why Georgia"

life is made of memories like these

watching snowflakes falling down by the light of a streetlamp

accepting Christ

getting in trouble in high school physics for laughing too much

wandering through art galleries with like-minded friends

staying up until 2am laughing with dorm mates

telling "remember when" stories with old friends

building hay bale forts with my sisters and brother

running down the maine coast barefoot

experiencing the corporate worship with thousands of peers

rowing a boat in the perpetual summer sunshine in the Yukon

sitting on an old truckbed watching the sunset in mexico

late nights sneaking pizza from the camp kitchen

eating a home cooked meal together with friends

sharing nervous thoughts about what the future holds with fellow graduates

dreaming together with friends of what can and may be

seeing prayers answered

the jaw

this afternoon I went to Moose Jaw with Rachel and had a lovely time. she got her hair cut while I wandered a little bit downtown… I had forgotten how much I love wandering in cities by myself, it's been a long time since I've done that, probably since I lived in Sudbury in '99.

Anyways, I took my camera with me so I took a couple of pictures which I'm hoping will turn out pretty cool. Moose Jaw has some great buildings downtown.

We went to the mall for a bit and tried on lots of clothes at Thrifty's, I didn't end up finding anything good but Rachel found a few shirts for her new summer wardrobe. She's decided to go with a palette of browns, tans, and pinks. I've never decided on a wardrobe palette in my entire life, but I was surveying my t-shirt collection last night, and sadly kids, I'm in dire need of some new tees for camp this summer.

We went grocery shopping, and also we got our film developed (I had a roll of pictures from when Carrie and Natty were here in the middle of February, and some pictures from when I was at my Gramma's at the end of last month, and a few other random shots). Hopefully I'll get them scanned soon, some of them I am especially pleased with. : ) Soon I'm hoping to do a little mini-scrapbookish photo-album full of all my "artsy" pictures from the past year, maybe some older ones too, we'll see. I have this awesome scrapbook that my Gramma gave me last month that I'm planning on using. It can only hold one or two photos per page, they're black ones, you use those cool photo corner things to stick them in. The cover is black too and says "Photographs" on it in a dusty gold, in a cool old style font. It's a photo album my Gramma had from her early 20s and never used, so it's 60 years old. I think it'll be cool when I'm done with it.

And now, I think I need to get to bed. Goodnight.

awake and dreaming

i had a dream the other morning that i was in africa. i was in an art class in a building with big windows, and we were all positioned with easels in front of the windows and were expected to paint something outside the window. but there just wasn't anything outside the window that i wanted to paint.

we had been there almost two hours and i was starting to think i was a bit of a failure for not having been inspired to paint anything, and then i started talking to my friend alisha from school who was also there about the other time i was in africa and how i would be sad to leave africa for the second time without really having seen africa (btw, i've never left north america). just about then, the sun began to set and it was setting a lovely green colour liek some northern lights, behind a horizon of those twiggy kind of trees you expect to see in africa and with stars twinkling in the black sky above... and it was then i was inspired and knew instantly what to paint, the beauty of an african sunset.

alisha and i stepped outside onto the deck and began to hear a low rumbling sound and soon looked up to see hundreds of little missiles flying overhead of us, little missles not too much bigger than our hands. they were all on their way to bomb a country.

slowly, one began to fall out of formation, closer and closer to us, and i began to sing that part of "one hundred bottles of beer on the wall" where it says "if one of these bottles should happen to fall..."

and then someone caught the missile. "must have been defective," he said, and tossed it into the garbage.

i can remember thinking that was a good thing. otherwise we would all be dead.

how much different would we see war if it was fought on our own soil? how much less supportive would we be if there weren't media bans on war footage and photography. if we had seen the carnage of the gulf war would we be as supportive or apathetic as we are towards this war?

earthly things i love

the smell of rain
looking up at the stars
harvest moons
prairie bike rides
old fake pearls
flannel pajamas
lots of pillows
walking barefoot in the grass
flip flops
stained glass windows
running my fingers through my hair
taking photographs
picking apples
my gramma's house
cooking
sleeping in homemade tents
candlelight
talking late into the night with good friends
lavendar perfume
carving clay at the leather-hard stage
making things with paper
beading necklaces
painting with watercolours
fountain pens
wild flowers
funny t-shirts
sinking into freshly laundered sheets
sleeping in
theatre
creativity
wheatfields
rainstorms
mackintosh roses
mail
corduroy pants
walking through forests
walking on the ocean shore
comfy couches
treed lanes
good poetry
music that makes you tingle
wearing a prom dress
piano

what do you love?

someone

michelle: someone has been eating away at the insides of my cheeks at night.
joanne: don't you hate it when that happens?

coming soon

i collect old concert posters and cool posters from weird places. i have a waaaay cool poster from a potlach in whitehorse, in the yukon, that i particularly love. i also have a lot of old vintage downhere posters from '99 before anyone knew who they are (and you still don't!).

i seek out posters. i always notice when new ones go up. usually i wait until the event is over to snatch them (then it's not so much stealing because... hey, who wants old posters besides me?), but occassionally, if i see a really good one, a really cool one, then it might just disappear off of it's wall before it was meant to and find it's home somewhere else.

it's cheap decor. i had posters all over my dorm room walls, but in my room this year i just have two, and a bunch of other stuff. the rest are taking a rest under my bed. but i did spot a nice starfield one the other day that i think just might make it's way onto my wall late next week.

splish splash

today is an absolutely lovely day, and finally the puddles are attempting to dry up somewhat, and the Lake Superior that i have to cross on my way to the post office is almost down enough so i don't have to get wet socks when i attempt to cross it. and my weatherpixie is wearing clothes i didn't even know she owned... all she wore all winter was an ugly green jacket! i hope she's not sad like i am, i won't be wearing my lovely navy peacoat again until probably at least october.

our backyard outside my window is almost snow free, except for around the hedges and birches and other assorted trees. we're hoping sometime before the end of the school year we can use our firepit and maybe have a marshmallow roast. mmm....

i just got back from the academic building, i went and visited a couple of friends in the library (very rarely do i ever go to the library to study, i'd rather do that at home... even though i know you're supposed to do that in the library), and went and talked to the college admin office and invited two different people to my graduation banquet because my parents can't come. they came last year though when i got my associate of arts degree, so it's okay that they aren't coming this year.

i'm excited to be getting my bachelor of arts degree. i'm excited that i will be done with college officially (even though i finished all the coursework by Christmas). i'm excited to see what the future holds.

i have learned over the past few years that i do not enjoy constant change. i love the school year because i'm in one place for eight months straight and the people pretty much stay the same. i subtly yearn to be settled. yet i've been in a different province or state every summer for the past five (alberta, maine, the yukon, illinois, ontario) and am excited to be able to return to the same job i had last summer this year. at least i think i am. sometimes i wonder if i should maybe do something else. i'm breaking a pattern.

i hope that that's a good thing.

the bourne identity

i watched the bourne identity tonight with tamara. i went to see it last summer with my cousin but it was sold out... so i finally did get to see it.

i didn't think it was a very good movie. is that bad? i remember thinking that there was a lot of hype about it when it came out, so maybe i was expecting too much. it didn't have a very well developed plot. it seemed like pieces of the movie were missing.

even after we watched the deleted scenes.

the story of the mikao's world raindrops
(and other misadventures)

once upon a time in a far off land called saskatchewan, a girl called michelle, who was a fair yound maiden, started a blog. and she wanted and tried to make her blog cool. so, she set about restructuring a template, adding personal touches, and changing the colours. but, even after all of that, she still felt something was missing. her template design wasn't quite perfect. it wasn't quite enough.

somehow, the hero of our story stumbled upon falling snowflakes on another website, and found the html at dynamic drive to do it. so, waiting ever so patiently for the first snowfall, she kept the link. then, when the first snowfall came, she set about installing the html into her template to celebrate. but, not being too particularily technically adept, she couldn't figure out how to change the html script to be snow instead of rain.

but, the fair young maiden decided, the rain didn't look all too bad after all. in fact, it matched her accidental template colours quite well. in fact, she realized, that pretty much the whole look of mikao's world was serendipitious, a fortunate accident.

our hero has thought often about maybe changing her template, but as of yet, she still hasn't. she's thinking that a major life change would be needed in order to warrant a template change. but for now, her life is pretty steady. she's been doing the same thing since her blog first began. but we can be sure that there will be major life changes in store for our fair young maiden. just not quite yet. so, hence, the rain continues to fall.

and so, that is how the rain in mikao's world came to be. in fact, it has never stopped raining here. but our fair young maiden has always like the rain (minus the puddles... fortunately the rain in mikao's world never puddles, it's the best kind of rain).

exploitation

although blogging has been around for awhile, just right about now i think we can safely say it's becoming more mainstream. so exploitation was bound to happen. i think it's way lame-o that dr.pepper and 7up made a cow blog over at ragingcow.com... and i have a few points to make:

a) who wants to read a fake cow's blog?
b) the only way you can really tell that this site is owned by dr. pepper and 7up is if you go to the little 2003 at the bottom left of the screen and click on it.
c) cherry flavoured milk... is that what they're trying to sell? that sounds way too gross for me. i don't even really like regular milk that much, why would i want to drink milk that looks like pepto bismol? apparently there are a variety of flavours to be introduced this april. i will not be partaking of any of them.
d)apparently the "5 top webloggers between 18 and 24" got to go on a big trip paid by dr. pepper and 7up to their headquarters... these blogs are linked to at the bottom right of the page. they link to to the aforementioned fake blog. as much as i'd like to call them sellouts, i'd take a free trip too and would promote your gross milk if you paid me to. how sad is that?

and wait a minute... why didn't i get contacted by dr. pepper and 7up? is my blog not cool enough? i would appreciate an email or some comments from corporate headquarters on how i can make my blog more appealing to marketers. maybe it's just because i'm not american. that must be it.

here are a few articles on the "controversy", in case you're interested:
Globe and Mail
newsweek (scroll down to "flogging on a blog")
cnn

oh dear me

it embarasses me that there are sites like this one out there. and to top it all off, some of the information on it is wrong. this canadian gives canadians a bad name.

remember when

i was:
23 years old at the time of the 9-11 attack on America
21 years old on the first day of Y2K
19 years old when Princess Diana was killed in a car crash
16 years old at the time of Oklahoma City bombing
16 years old when O. J. Simpson was charged with murder
14 years old at the time of the 93 bombing of the World Trade Center
12 years old when Operation Desert Storm began
11 years old during the fall of the Berlin Wall
7 years old when the space shuttle Challenger exploded
5 years old when Apple introduced the Macintosh
5 years old during Sally Ride's travel in space
2 years old when Pres. Reagan was shot by John Hinckley, Jr.
a 1 year old at the time the Iran hostage crisis began
- from age gauge

i remember sitting in Bible Synthesis class last year hearing about what would come to be known as 9-11. the school year had just begun and we were all fourth year college students optimistic about what the year ahead could hold before we heard about it. i remember sitting in chapel that day watching a video recording of the attacks. i remember walking by the school coffee shop all day and having the news on (normally it's just silent school announcements). It was very eerie.

i remember sitting at home watching the news about y2k and how everything they thought was going to happen wasn't.

i remember lying in bed hearing the news over CBC radio that princess diana had been killed. it was my first week of college in ontario.

i remember seeing the picture of bailey almond who was killed in the oklahoma city bombing of the federal building.

i remember the day of the infamous car chase with o.j. simpson. i was at a block barbeque in manitoba.

i remember watching news reports of the 1993 world trade centre bombing. i was at my friend sharlie's house working on a script for a school project in her basement.

i remember a grade 12 girl coming to my seventh grade class during Desert Storm and crying. i didn't understand.

i remember watching the Berlin Wall fall on tv. i remember seeing a big piece of it in front of the Olive Garden restaurant in winnipeg.

i remember hearing about the Challenger explosion in my first grade classroom. i remember thinking i was glad it wasn't my teacher who died in space.

i don't remember the introduction of the macintosh computer. i haven't got a clue who sally ride is. i don’t remember the attempted assassination of president Reagan. i don't know what the iran hostage crisis is or was.

these are the news events that have defined our last 25 years. but i think it's what has happened in between and since them all that is what we should give more attention to.

prayer request

can i just ask you guys tonight to pray for my school?

thanks.

world traveller

at this time i would like to shamelessly tout my guestmap and encourage you to leave your mark... it's over there on my sidebar and doesn't very often get to see people and is feeling a little sad and neglected... me and mr. guestmap would like to know where in the world my blog is popping up on computers, so if you would take a moment to sign it we would love it! :)

summer dreams

what are you guys (well... except for maybe cc :) ) all planning to do for the summer? do you have a summer job lined up? are you looking forward to the summer or are you dreading it? what are you most looking forward to about the season of summer? what are you not looking forward to?

let us know in the comments.

another

tonight i went to another wedding shower, the bazillionth since i started college. well... maybe not bazillionth, but i've been to a lot. but, despite all of them, i still am convinced that Bible college isn't really bridal college like everyone outside of the bubble thinks it is.

i mean, look at me. look at all my graduating friends this year. we're all still single.

and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

prom date

i never had a prom (it was small-town manitoba, there were 31 people in my graduating class), but this is the funniest thing i have seen in a long time. go and voice out your opinion.

what has jason got to loose? seriously, i think it would be super if he asked heather, or accepted her asking (i guess she is asking since it's her prom). but i can see how he would think this was a little weird. okay, a lot weird.. hey, this is the internet after all. but, heather, i'm rooting for you.

* update * march 16
umm... this post is now off of jason's site. i always find it weird when people alter their blogs after posting... (but hey, you can, so i guess you can use the feature) but i suppose maybe the comments were getting too controversial.

last five

last five cds listened to
steven curtis chapman, "all about love"
a friend's instrumental cd
starfield, "tumbling after"
jars of clay "furthermore" (stage cd)
riley armstrong, self titled

last five people talked to
holly
heather
joanne
suzanne
jodi (all last night!)

last five websites visited
briercrest email
sarah's
ryan's
carly's
jason killingsworth's

last five things eaten
chocolate bar for breakfast (!)
cheesecake wrap at boston pizza last night
blt for supper
a snack yesterday afternoon…
mortadella and cheddar sandwich for lunch yesterday

last five books perused
"life after God" by douglas coupland
"understanding today's youth culture" by walt Mueller
"the Bible" by God
"helping the struggling adolescent" by les parrott
"the postponed generation: why American youth are growing up later" by susan littwin

last five thoughts
i should get off the internet
i need to clean my room a bit this afternoon
i should make lunch
today is another nice day outside
i need to find my downhere cd

welcome to spring

i would just like to announce to the world that this morning i woke up to the sound of birds chirping and water dripping off of my roof. the snow is melting. spring is arriving quickly, prepare the way.

blue sky blanket

I love lying on my floor, listening to music or talking on the phone with a friend, looking up at the ceiling or out the window at the sky… it's almost as good as lying in the middle of a field or under a tree in the summer, looking up at the endless expanse of pure blueness beyond the branches, or a beautiful night sky full of stars. The vastness of it all is always breathtaking to me.

revive me

I got stir crazy, could not rest my mind
In too familiar surroundings
So I walked out, ran out in a field
Or maybe You brought me there

To remind me, 'cause I forget so well
I fence me up, and I lock You out
Your greatness comes, rushes in
And You revive me

It dawns on me, when was the last time
I saw these Northern Lights?
It cripples me, when was the last time
I cried to You for sight?
- downhere, "Revive Me"

knowing

i hate it when people sit on my unmade bed, it gives me an immediate compulsion to wash all my bedding. my roommates know this. this is not a good thing.

new

i signed up for AIM the other day, i'm bracelet78 if you'd like to add me to your buddy list sometime, i'd love to chat. : ) i also have MSN, i'm michellegraceireneathotmaildotcom. it literally took me half an hour to find a name that wasn't taken for AIM that i was even remotely satisfied with. this here internet is getting a little crowded.

speaking of internet crowding... there is a post over at andrew careaga's blog about blogging, Christian blogging, "and the dreaded Christian blogging ghetto" that i find interesting. i have concluded that yes, indeed, i am a part of this "ghetto", all of my linked blogs are in fact other Christian bloggers, and i remember being pretty excited to be listed over at who links who. who links who is a site that, in a way, shows how we're all pretty much interconnected in this ghetto.

but, is this Christian blogging ghetto a bad thing? yes, in many regards, i can see that it is. but, in many other regards, i can see that it is good as well. we fellowship online with other believers. we're forming a new faith community of sorts. we're connecting with people we otherwise wouldn't connect with. we lift up one another and encourage each other.

however, as blogging becomes increasingly more popular, i also think that we, as Christians in this advancing medium, have a responsibility. our blogs have the potential to be outreach tools, as in fact they already are. but how is our ghetto turning off non-Christians to Christianity?

last night

i haven't had much time to write these past couple of busy days... lisa left early this morning. yesterday i made a big spaghetti supper, which was the first meal i think that we have eaten together as a house (well, not our whole house, but the large majority of us) in probably three weeks, we used to have supper together three or four times a week. i miss it.

last night was the downhere concert... which i must say was the longest concert i can remember ever being to in my life, we definitely got our $5 worth! even opened, which is a school band from here that has been touring with downhere for their western Canadian tour. they've been around for a year and a half, and their cd just came out last week, so it is neat to see them growing as a band.

after even, starfield played a pretty good set, all songs off of their new "tumbling after" album, which i highly recommend you all go out and buy or at least sample a few songs. : ) i got their album about a month ago and have been loving it. they seem like a group of super guys and are coming back in two weeks for a chapel here and are having a worship concert in the evening so i'm looking forward to that.

then, of course, downhere played. we got to see a sneak peek first at a video/dvd thing that they are making which was neat, and also hear a new song ("stone," i really liked it) off their new album which is coming out in june. they played mostly what seemed like songs off of their first album, a couple that are just on their second album, and then i think two off of the new not-yet-released album. they have definitely grown in their stage persona since the last time i saw them last february, and that was interesting to see. i'm looking forward to getting the new cd.

well, i must get going for the day... so i'll leave you with some of the lyrics of one of my favourite downhere songs:

Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what You're bringing me will
Change my life and bring You glory

There on the store I am learning to let go
Of the will that I so long to control
There may I be in Your arms eternally
I thank You, Lord, you are the calmer of the storm

You rebuke the wind and the waves
Once again I find I'm amazed...
the power of Your will
"Cauase I'm a child of little faith
I feel the wind and forget Your grace
And You say, "Peace, be still."
- downhere, "Calmer of the Storm"

so loved

i don't have much time to write... but i wanted to say thank you to everyone who has posted comments and/or blogged on my last post (you know who you are :) ), and prayed for me. i really appreciate you guys and i don't think that i could ever say that too much. i know that i have friends who love me and a Heavenly Father who cares for me.

i woke up this morning to comments that made me think, and returned refreshed from chapel for more thoughts on the matter. i've got a lot of thinking and praying to do these next few days... i'll keep you guys posted. thank you so much for your thoughts (and especially your prayers)... you've helped me to see things in a new light.

i know that i'm not alone... which was my end point of my previous entry. Jesus isn't someone who will ever leave us alone to deal with our problems. i tend to forget that however, and don't rely on Him, which i think is a major part of my faulty attitude in regards to this matter. i'm working on it though. my biggest struggle i think will be in the next few days as i deal more fully with this issue so i appreciate your continued prayers as i seek the Father's wisdom and guidance.

now, i must run, for i'm leaving shortly with jodi to pick up holly at the airport soon... she skipped out on two days of school and got an extra long extended spring break, lucky duck! and, we are also picking up my good friend heather (and roommate from two years ago) who is flying in from ontario for a visit until Sunday. our mutual friend lisa has also been here since early Monday morning and is staying until Thursday morning, and we are all looking forward to the downhere concert tomorrow evening, with opening bands even and starfield.

"And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:14

searching for wholeness

this is a post I know I 'm going to struggle with posting because it's one if someone I know reads they probably know what I'm talking about (generally people I know in "real life" don't read my blog which I'm very very glad for. This is my journal of sorts, albeit a very public one posted on the internet, I like having the confidence that you the reader are not someone I interact with daily in real life because then my personal thoughts that I post here would not be quite so personal anymore. Yes, I try not to publish anything here that is damaging to others or to myself. Often my blog entries are a forum where I think out my thoughts and figure out what exactly it is I'm thinking. And I know that collectively as a weblogging community we learn from each other. I have appreciated so much these past few months reading fellow bloggers daily thoughts, struggles, interactions, journeys, and opinions. I know I've learned much from your wisdom. And, many times have I been encouraged greatly. (Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11).

today for me was a horrible day, but I do not think any day is lost in horribleness that we can learn from. It began when I had the worst sleep that I can ever remember having in my entire life.

and then it festered tonight, I was in a situation in a group that I did not ever want to be in, and especially did not want my fragile heart to be in. I have realized this semester that I allowed my heart to fall too deeply and have been really struggling with that and turning to God for healing. I know that I need to stay out of situations that encourage me to linger on in this relationship. But tonight, I was forced back into it and I did not know how to handle it and ended up extremely embarrassed and very… I think exhausted is the only word I can use to describe it. a very trying and tiring experience.

later I was speaking with a good friend about the incident and I asked why it is that this relationship, or non-existence of relationship, has to haunt me so. But then I said maybe haunt wasn't exactly the right or best word. But she said, no, it really was, because it's true that it does haunt me. what is the definition of haunt after all? This relationship follows me everywhere. People persistently bring it up. People I don't even know all too well bring it up. Friends bring it up. It follows me everywhere. It doesn't let me go. it sticks to me like glue and follows me like a lamb.

I fell very deeply for someone. I don't know how much of this that he actually knows...but I think surely it is not only me who has spent the last two or three years with our relationship or non-existence of relationship or potential relationship (whatever you want to call it…) being the subject of conversation all over campus especially amongst our friends and mutual friends.

I wish it would quit haunting me. I want to move on. I wonder whether or not I should talk to him about it. but, as I have written previously in other blog entries, I struggle with this. I don't want to affect his life with "my" problems. I don't want to shake his world or even move a pebble stone or speck of sand out of place in his life. is this wrong?

he's someone I respect very deeply and I don't want to change his opinion of me. I want everyone to move on. It frustrates me that I have such a hard time expressing my opinion to others on the matter, especially when I do to friends and they take it so lightly and don't respect me.

I just want to move on. But I don't know how to do that when in the midst of such a storm... I can't do it alone.

within the human heart somewhere
there is a canyon to be closed
a void of space to erase – within the soul
- Canyon Bridge, "Wholeness

insert title here

i've been at the library all day. i have gotten almost nothing done. i'm going home.

computers, memories, and marriage

i just spent the past hour helping joanne with an online application for a summer job... and when we tried to get it sent, it kept getting an error message. so, hopefully, it somehow got through. it was perfect. well, maybe not perfect, but it was pretty sweet.

anyways, after church this morning i spent the afternoon on the phone with my friend jessica from high school, well, actually, we spent grades 5-12 together. but anyways, it was fun talking to her and catching up on all her news and what everyone else from our class has been up to. i haven't seen her in four years, but thankfully we still talk a couple of times a year. she still lives in manitoba, i however moved away almost six years ago. it's so so very very weird for me to think that i graduated almost 7 years ago now. i'm getting too old!

we chatted a bit about how we both aren't married, and how sometimes we wish that wasn't so, but then she told me about all the people from high school who are getting divorced after being married for only a year or two, and how so many have messed up marriages. it's pretty sad.

i want to be ready for marriage when i actually get to that point in my life. i know i'm not ready right now. i don't want to find out later on down the road that i shouldn't have gotten married. God wants our marriages to be for life! He doesn't want us to take our commitment to another person so lightly.

somewhere out there is my husband. i pray for him often. but i don't pray for us very often. i think i'll start though... with our generations' views on marriage and all the struggles that await us, i know that we'll need it.

A-HA!

so i was wondering about the incredible amount of spam that i've been recieving in my two main email accounts, so i decided to start a new email account and post it on my webpage and in comments on other pages to see if that maybe was where the fault was, if perhaps my email address was being harvested somehow off of one of these sources... and indeed it was. because i haven't signed up for anything with this email address.

i hate spam. you hate spam. we all hate spam. even pete hates spam (pete being the aforementioned allegorical representation of all of us). who opens spam anyways? only very rarely am i fooled into opening spam by very clever spam addresses that have the exact same names of friends of mine or who have a very clever subject line. but not often.

how do they make money off of this cruddy spam anyways? i don't understand it. well, i guess it costs virtually nothing to send spam, so if they send a bajillion copies of an email and just one person opens it and buys whatever the crud it is that they are selling, then they've made a profit.

but i never buy anything on the internet. i don't want your spam. keep it out of my inbox. i hate having to start new email addresses because i get too much spam. it's cruddy.

blogger!

dear people over at blogger and google:

why do we have to now live with this double banner thing at the top of our blogs. clean it up, for pete's sake (pete allegorically represents all of us blogspot users). make it look nice. make it attractive. give it some sort of design that makes sense. give us something visually attractive. not large and devoid of our interest.

thank you.
- mikao's world management

old things, new things

so i spent most of my morning cleaning out one of my two closets... and i'm still not done. the closet i was cleaning out is my storage/crafts/laundry/prom dresses closet, the other one i just keep my regular clothes and shoes in. anyways, i have a bunch of boxes that have been travelling with me around campus for the last four years pretty much (but my last three years i stayed in the same dorm room, but i had the boxes in storage most of the time).

so, i decided today was the day to clean these boxes out. what's in them? well... the only way i can describe it i think is to use the word "junk." i'll admit it, i'm a packrat. i keep everything. but i'm getting better. it's not my fault really, i inherited it. from my mom. from my gramma. from my whole family.

so, i've been throwing out a lot. lots of magazine clippings, internet printouts from three years ago, stuff i''ve forgotten the significance of. most of it is just paper. useless stuff. well, not entirely useless, but stuff i really don't need. i'm trying to get rid of stuff. give away things i don't use anymore. give away clothes i haven't worn in literally two or three years. slowly... ever so slowly, i'm dejunkifying. hopefully i'll be done by the end of the month.

i've also been updating my blog's sidebar a little bit over the past few days... getting rid of old links, some to blogs i never visit... adding some new ones to some new blogs, new fun stuff, etc. rearranging things. updating my movies listings.

am thinking about doing a total overhaul of my design. i wish i knew more html... then i could totally do my own design. am looking for a blog template that i like enough and then will redo the colours and format. not sure how long this will take, might get it done before april. or might not. then i think you guys would be be stuck with looking at rain through the whole summer.

thanks to austin foxley over at this is your free write for linking me up : ) . like michaela over at this beautiful mess, i'm often surprised when people link me. it's way cool that someone would think my words worthy of a link. and apparently, austin thinks i have "good blogging." i'm honoured.

plank eye

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrites, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
- Matthew 7:1-5

This past week in my class I’ve had the opportunity to view a lot of biblically based films, with many many on the life of Moses (The Ten Commandments 1923, The Ten Commandments 1956, Hanna-Barbera’s Moses, Prince of Egypt), and many also on the life of Jesus (From the Manger to the Cross, The Greatest Story Ever Told, Godspell, Jesus Christ Superstar, The Last Temptation of Christ, The Jesus Film). And what stuck with me most was Jesus stating the above passage in the Sermon on the Mount in a couple of the films. It really stuck out to me.

This past year I’ve been very judgmental to a few people in particular. Why? I am not sure. There is no way to justify one’s judgmentalness. All I can do is ask for forgiveness.

I know that this summer for me is going to be a very stretching time. Earlier this week I got told I got accepted and are scheduled to have the same job I had last summer. I have never done the same thing for more than one summer. I always go somewhere new, somewhere with new possibilities and usually where no one knows me. While, yes, I did apply for a job there again, and yes, I did expect to get it, finding out I got the position has still left me with conflicted thoughts. I’m working through them, and I would love to blog about them, but also I don’t want to share my thoughts with just anyone who might stumble across this page… although I would like to share them with some of you, I don't feel i can with all of humanity.

But, I can tell you that I know God is working in my life. He’s helping me through some things. I don’t know what he has in store for this summer exactly, and I know it’s going to be a challenge, but I am also looking forward to it.

I had a great summer last year, and I am hoping for the same this summer. But it will be a very very different experience in many regards I think. I’m going to be stretched. I want to be stretched. I want my world to be shaken. And I hope pray that I can handle it with God’s wonderful grace.

God, help me remove the plank from my own eye.

Walk with me quiet, walk with me slow…
Walk with me empty, walk with me strong
The hush of our voices, when the day seems so long
It is like a balm, it is like a jewel
It unravels all I thought I knew
- Caedmon’s Call, “Walk With Me”

(again)

haven't really gotten anything accomplished today. have talked to a lot of people online though. i don't usually do that.

one word

i love the one word site, it challenges me to stay creative. maybe it just gives me an excuse to be creative. i tend to notice that my entries are a lot different than the other ones posted. i had a few great language arts teachers from sixth grade through twelfth. i won a bunch of story writing contests in sixth grade. i was in the 99th percentile for grade 12 english students in manitoba the year i graduated.

but i don't write much anymore, other than my blog. developing grave's disease (a thyroid disorder) and hyperthyroidism (an over active thyroid caused by the body's attack of the thyroid which it thinks is a foreign alien, what grave's disease is basically) and then hypothroidism (an underactive thyroid due to radiation treatment for said disease) has changed my concentration and thought processes more than i like to admit. there isn't much research into this result of thyroid disorders from what i've been able to find.

if you've never been to one word, and you like writing, go now. actually, go even if you don't like writing. see what you come up with. it's just a minute out of your day. : )

yesterday he declared his undying love. undying love that i didn't want. i didn't ask for it. it came unbidden and without warning. streaming forth like the water from the rock that moses struck. what did i do, if anything? i smiled. i said thank you. i walked away.
- my entry from March 4, 2003 09:12 PM, prompted by the word "yesterday"

over

class is over. $630 spent. much movies watched. much homework to do. much sleep to catch up on.

unsatisfied

so i redid the survey at findyourspot.com, and i'm still unsatisfied:

Chattanooga, Tennessee
Ashville, North Carolina
Greenville, South Carolina
Seattle, Washington
Hickory, North Carolina

i don't like these choices very much, but what choices would i like? the choices they give you seem to be directly related mostly to housing cost and location and weather i think. it would be cool if there was a findyourspot for Canada. : ) then i think i'd know a little better what i was looking for or understand at least a little more what i was looking at.

i'm a restless person, often never satisfied with where i'm at. i transferred colleges three times (but just between two colleges). i went to three schools between kindergarten and grade 12. i've worked in a different province or state every summer for the past five years. so far, i've lived in saskatchewan, manitoba, alberta, ontario, the yukon, illinois, and maine. when i finish my schooling here, i can literally move anywhere in canada. i have no ties (well, family, but we live in such a mobile society that i don't think geographical distance is as much of a problem anymore. and i haven't lived within 14 hours of my parents in the last five years). and i could probably move to the states if i really wanted to.

thankfully, i still have time to decide such things and apply for jobs and general freaking out. the freaking out won't begin until september.... just kidding. i am not planning on freaking out. i am pretty confident that God has a good plan up His sleeve.

top 16

i don't usually do too many web surveys, but after visiting sara's site today, i followed a link to find out the top places in america for me to live... and according to www.findyourspot.com, the top sixteen for me are:

Hancock-Houghton, Michigan
Petoskey, Michigan
Sandpoint, Idaho
Spencer, Iowa
Lanesboro, Minnesota
Spearfish, South Dakota
Traverse City, Michigan
Hannibal City, Missouri
Lancaster, Ohio
Dillon, Montana
Sandusky, Ohio
Sheridan, Wyoming
Livingston, Montana
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Oberlin, Ohio
Scottsbluff, Nebraska

althought these sound like lovely towns, i think i'm going to have to take the quiz again!

summer plans & senior panic

yesterday i got offered a summer job. well, actually, i got told i had a summer job. i'm not sure how i feel about that. more blogging on it to come, when i've sorted out my thoughts.

but anyways, this afternoon after class i was talking with a friend of mine about such summer plans, future plans, jobs, and general senior panic. thankfully, right now i don't have to worry about senior panic. i think anyone who has been through their last year of college knows what i'm talking about... the gutwrenching, fear inducing, out-of-control feeling that comes when you think about your future and the fact that it's not all nicely planned out like it always had been before... 12 or 13 years of grade school, then 4 years of college. what to do when post-secondary schooling is over... that is senior panic for me.

i partly by-passed it by the fact that i did five years of college (a year and a half of art school and three and a half years of Bible college), and then started seminary (grad school) this year. but, come december, i'll be done my m.a.

then what?

will i go out into the "real world"? does the real world even exist? will i be starting my "real life"? or has my real life already begun?

what does the future hold? only God knows. but he's taking me through it one step at a time.

declaring undying love

so today was a long day, not only of class, but also of post-class movie watching, from the manger to the cross, from 1912, and and God spoke. the first is a silent film, pretty good as far as silent films go, not too long (71 minutes) compared to some other ones i've had to watch. the second, a parody, was pretty terrible. there was only one or two funny parts... and a lot of bad taste.

i went to buy the new switchfoot cd today, but ended up with the new caedmon's call. and, because i've been busy with class and movie watching... i haven't even gotten to listen to it yet. so, now i am getting off the internet to go and get ready for bed and pop it into my cd player and drift off to pleasant dreams. until 7:15am. or more probably 6:30ish when i'll wake up so that i don't have to listen to my alarm go off... i have this nasty habit of subconciously (unconsciously?) waking myself up before my alarm goes off because i hate the sound of alarm clocks. when i actually get into a routine i can wake up the minute before it is going to go off so that i can turn it off first (if i'm not into a routine then i usually have a half-hour to hour buffer... my subconcious gets nervous that it might miss out so it gives me extra time... a.k.a. losing an hour's worth of good quality sleep). and, usually in the middle of the night when i wake up i can guess the time correctly with a three minute margin of error. is it just me, or is this freaky????

good night. sleep tight. don't let the bedbugs bite.

the Bible and film and hopes and dreams

and so i'm done day one of my class "screening scripture: the Bible in film and video". it was actually very interesting, despite the fact that a lot of if was introduction. we saw a lot of stills from early early films, early 1900s. pretty neat. too bad we can't actually watch them, but you can only do that mostly in london and nyc.

i really should be getting off the internet and getting some supper ready so i can watch "the ten commandments" (1953 version) for class tomorrow. i've been using holly's computer and it has sound so i've been zooming around the web listening to a few things i couldn't on my computer (the sound ofjason's voice, some new switchfoot, etc).

i've been challenged much lately with regards to future plans and hopes and dreams and wants. impatience is my biggest foe... i have a hard time waiting for the future... a hard time being patient and waiting for God's plan to unfold. i know that it will be, i pray that i can be patient in seeing it unfold.

This is your life,
are you who you want to be?
This is your life
is it everything you'd dreamed that it would be?
- Switchfoot, "This Is Your Life"

ambitions

tomorrow at 7:15am i will be doing something i don't often do that early in the morning... getting up. usually i get up around 10. but, a week of classes is ahead of me (i know, i know, i shouldn't be complaining, some of you guys get out of bed for classes 5 days a week 8 months of the year... me, my sleeping schedule is interupted three weeks of the semester). a modular system is nice (having classes 8-4 for a week straight instead of broken up over the semester), but i miss the daily interaction and schedule of college classes. i miss the gradualness of it all, i have a hard time being forced to learn so much in a week. i forget it so soon.

my old roommate heather, whom i talked to earlier this afternoon, phoned me tonight with a question and a compliment... "how do you stay in touch so well with people?" she and her friend terri were wondering if i have a schedule for sending out postcards to people. no, i don't. i just send them when i think of people.

which brings me to the question, sarah, has your postcard arrived yet? i hope so. if not, what did mr. postman do with it?

and, if any of my other readers out there would like a postcard of their very own, i'd love to send you one. email me your address. : )

and, have a great day. thanks for taking time out of it to read this.

mary kate and ashley

my blog has continued to have a lot of traffic even in my absence of posting. people are still looking for jars of clay's "the valley song" lyrics. some of you found the link to the switchfoot concert photos. and someone apparently thought this blog would tell them whether or not mary kate and ashley olsen will spend forever with the Lord.

and, i was also told that a couple of people whom i personally know read my blog while i was away. i used to not put a lot of personal information on my blog so that someone specifically searching for me wouldn't randomly stumble upon it. i still don't post my last name. but if you're looking for a michelle from my school, or a couple of unique names that a couple of my friends have that i've posted about, or my know my camp name, then there is the likelihood that you'll find my my blog.

while it doesn't bother me that you found my blog and read it (hey, it's on the internet, anyone can read it), it does bother me that you read it with malicious intent... wanting to be able to find something that i had written in order to use it against me.

i can only think of one time i wrote something i wished i hadn't in my blog. i've thought about deleting it. but i wrote it and have learned from it. i think it should still be there, it's a part of my past.

i like blogging. i like writing down what i'm thinking, what i've been doing, what i've been finding out, what God's been teaching me, and i love the interaction that it brings from people all over the world. i love the internet friends i've been meeting through blogging, you guys are awesome! i love reading what God is doing in your lives. i think that my blog is a a tool that God is using in my life to help me become more Christlike.

in this crazy, messed-up world, it's amazing to me that there are still so many people out there actively seeking to follow the Father. His love is amazing and unending and never ceasing. two thousand years ago a virgin concieved and little baby was born who brought the gift of salvation to a needy world. this baby was Jesus Christ.

by reading this, you're joining in my journey. i don't know if mary kate and ashley olsen will spend forever with the Lord. but i know i will be. and it is my prayer that you will too.


"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken."
- Psalm 62:5, 6

85 memories

i'm back at school, back in my beloved room, back on the internet catching up on all my regular blog reads and enjoying the laziness of this day before a week of classes starting tomorrow at 8am.

i had a good break and visit at my gramma's... i wish it could have been longer though. she still lives on the farm that my mother grew up on in manitoba. and yesterday was her 85th birthday.

we spent most of the time labelling two large boxes of old family photographs which was tiring but also very interesting. lots of old homesteading pictures from when my great-grandparents started carving out a prairie farm in 1916 that i didn't know existed. lots of cute pictures of my mom and aunt. lots of pictures of my grandpa whom i never got to meet. lots of pictures of my great-grandfather who died a few months before i was born... i'm convinced he was a very great man. lots of memories are held in a box of photographs. and those memories live on in the lives of those who remember.

"what are you doing?"
"i'm making a memory."
- i think this is from "the parent trap," but i'm not too sure...