just drive

i would just like to announce to the world that i have the whole house to myself all afternoon. this has never happened before that i can remember. this does not happen often in a house of seven females.

and, it also happens to be a clean house too, as our landlord is coming tomorrow with some potential buyers so we thought we'd better clean it up a bit. it looks spectacularly fabulous.

holly went out with jodi for the afternoon. maria and tamara went to an art retreat for today and tomorrow. suzanne is at work. joanne is driving to banff in a rental car. and rachel just got home... so my freedom was short lived. but she lives on the bottom level, and i live on the fourth (we live ina weird split four-level house). so it's almost like i have the whole house to myself.

but anyways, i am going to finish organizing my room. exciting i know. i also need to ice a cake for the surprise birthday party i am throwing tonight.

and in honour of joanne, who is finally taking a roadtrip (even though it may not be the road trip of her dreams)... i am posting some song lyrics. i am looking forward to the day when i can just get in my car and drive away and go anywhere i want. i hope that day comes soon.

I am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom
4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind
- John Mayer, "Why Georgia"

life is made of memories like these

watching snowflakes falling down by the light of a streetlamp

accepting Christ

getting in trouble in high school physics for laughing too much

wandering through art galleries with like-minded friends

staying up until 2am laughing with dorm mates

telling "remember when" stories with old friends

building hay bale forts with my sisters and brother

running down the maine coast barefoot

experiencing the corporate worship with thousands of peers

rowing a boat in the perpetual summer sunshine in the Yukon

sitting on an old truckbed watching the sunset in mexico

late nights sneaking pizza from the camp kitchen

eating a home cooked meal together with friends

sharing nervous thoughts about what the future holds with fellow graduates

dreaming together with friends of what can and may be

seeing prayers answered

the jaw

this afternoon I went to Moose Jaw with Rachel and had a lovely time. she got her hair cut while I wandered a little bit downtown… I had forgotten how much I love wandering in cities by myself, it's been a long time since I've done that, probably since I lived in Sudbury in '99.

Anyways, I took my camera with me so I took a couple of pictures which I'm hoping will turn out pretty cool. Moose Jaw has some great buildings downtown.

We went to the mall for a bit and tried on lots of clothes at Thrifty's, I didn't end up finding anything good but Rachel found a few shirts for her new summer wardrobe. She's decided to go with a palette of browns, tans, and pinks. I've never decided on a wardrobe palette in my entire life, but I was surveying my t-shirt collection last night, and sadly kids, I'm in dire need of some new tees for camp this summer.

We went grocery shopping, and also we got our film developed (I had a roll of pictures from when Carrie and Natty were here in the middle of February, and some pictures from when I was at my Gramma's at the end of last month, and a few other random shots). Hopefully I'll get them scanned soon, some of them I am especially pleased with. : ) Soon I'm hoping to do a little mini-scrapbookish photo-album full of all my "artsy" pictures from the past year, maybe some older ones too, we'll see. I have this awesome scrapbook that my Gramma gave me last month that I'm planning on using. It can only hold one or two photos per page, they're black ones, you use those cool photo corner things to stick them in. The cover is black too and says "Photographs" on it in a dusty gold, in a cool old style font. It's a photo album my Gramma had from her early 20s and never used, so it's 60 years old. I think it'll be cool when I'm done with it.

And now, I think I need to get to bed. Goodnight.

awake and dreaming

i had a dream the other morning that i was in africa. i was in an art class in a building with big windows, and we were all positioned with easels in front of the windows and were expected to paint something outside the window. but there just wasn't anything outside the window that i wanted to paint.

we had been there almost two hours and i was starting to think i was a bit of a failure for not having been inspired to paint anything, and then i started talking to my friend alisha from school who was also there about the other time i was in africa and how i would be sad to leave africa for the second time without really having seen africa (btw, i've never left north america). just about then, the sun began to set and it was setting a lovely green colour liek some northern lights, behind a horizon of those twiggy kind of trees you expect to see in africa and with stars twinkling in the black sky above... and it was then i was inspired and knew instantly what to paint, the beauty of an african sunset.

alisha and i stepped outside onto the deck and began to hear a low rumbling sound and soon looked up to see hundreds of little missiles flying overhead of us, little missles not too much bigger than our hands. they were all on their way to bomb a country.

slowly, one began to fall out of formation, closer and closer to us, and i began to sing that part of "one hundred bottles of beer on the wall" where it says "if one of these bottles should happen to fall..."

and then someone caught the missile. "must have been defective," he said, and tossed it into the garbage.

i can remember thinking that was a good thing. otherwise we would all be dead.

how much different would we see war if it was fought on our own soil? how much less supportive would we be if there weren't media bans on war footage and photography. if we had seen the carnage of the gulf war would we be as supportive or apathetic as we are towards this war?

earthly things i love

the smell of rain
looking up at the stars
harvest moons
prairie bike rides
old fake pearls
flannel pajamas
lots of pillows
walking barefoot in the grass
flip flops
stained glass windows
running my fingers through my hair
taking photographs
picking apples
my gramma's house
cooking
sleeping in homemade tents
candlelight
talking late into the night with good friends
lavendar perfume
carving clay at the leather-hard stage
making things with paper
beading necklaces
painting with watercolours
fountain pens
wild flowers
funny t-shirts
sinking into freshly laundered sheets
sleeping in
theatre
creativity
wheatfields
rainstorms
mackintosh roses
mail
corduroy pants
walking through forests
walking on the ocean shore
comfy couches
treed lanes
good poetry
music that makes you tingle
wearing a prom dress
piano

what do you love?

someone

michelle: someone has been eating away at the insides of my cheeks at night.
joanne: don't you hate it when that happens?

coming soon

i collect old concert posters and cool posters from weird places. i have a waaaay cool poster from a potlach in whitehorse, in the yukon, that i particularly love. i also have a lot of old vintage downhere posters from '99 before anyone knew who they are (and you still don't!).

i seek out posters. i always notice when new ones go up. usually i wait until the event is over to snatch them (then it's not so much stealing because... hey, who wants old posters besides me?), but occassionally, if i see a really good one, a really cool one, then it might just disappear off of it's wall before it was meant to and find it's home somewhere else.

it's cheap decor. i had posters all over my dorm room walls, but in my room this year i just have two, and a bunch of other stuff. the rest are taking a rest under my bed. but i did spot a nice starfield one the other day that i think just might make it's way onto my wall late next week.

splish splash

today is an absolutely lovely day, and finally the puddles are attempting to dry up somewhat, and the Lake Superior that i have to cross on my way to the post office is almost down enough so i don't have to get wet socks when i attempt to cross it. and my weatherpixie is wearing clothes i didn't even know she owned... all she wore all winter was an ugly green jacket! i hope she's not sad like i am, i won't be wearing my lovely navy peacoat again until probably at least october.

our backyard outside my window is almost snow free, except for around the hedges and birches and other assorted trees. we're hoping sometime before the end of the school year we can use our firepit and maybe have a marshmallow roast. mmm....

i just got back from the academic building, i went and visited a couple of friends in the library (very rarely do i ever go to the library to study, i'd rather do that at home... even though i know you're supposed to do that in the library), and went and talked to the college admin office and invited two different people to my graduation banquet because my parents can't come. they came last year though when i got my associate of arts degree, so it's okay that they aren't coming this year.

i'm excited to be getting my bachelor of arts degree. i'm excited that i will be done with college officially (even though i finished all the coursework by Christmas). i'm excited to see what the future holds.

i have learned over the past few years that i do not enjoy constant change. i love the school year because i'm in one place for eight months straight and the people pretty much stay the same. i subtly yearn to be settled. yet i've been in a different province or state every summer for the past five (alberta, maine, the yukon, illinois, ontario) and am excited to be able to return to the same job i had last summer this year. at least i think i am. sometimes i wonder if i should maybe do something else. i'm breaking a pattern.

i hope that that's a good thing.

the bourne identity

i watched the bourne identity tonight with tamara. i went to see it last summer with my cousin but it was sold out... so i finally did get to see it.

i didn't think it was a very good movie. is that bad? i remember thinking that there was a lot of hype about it when it came out, so maybe i was expecting too much. it didn't have a very well developed plot. it seemed like pieces of the movie were missing.

even after we watched the deleted scenes.

the story of the mikao's world raindrops
(and other misadventures)

once upon a time in a far off land called saskatchewan, a girl called michelle, who was a fair yound maiden, started a blog. and she wanted and tried to make her blog cool. so, she set about restructuring a template, adding personal touches, and changing the colours. but, even after all of that, she still felt something was missing. her template design wasn't quite perfect. it wasn't quite enough.

somehow, the hero of our story stumbled upon falling snowflakes on another website, and found the html at dynamic drive to do it. so, waiting ever so patiently for the first snowfall, she kept the link. then, when the first snowfall came, she set about installing the html into her template to celebrate. but, not being too particularily technically adept, she couldn't figure out how to change the html script to be snow instead of rain.

but, the fair young maiden decided, the rain didn't look all too bad after all. in fact, it matched her accidental template colours quite well. in fact, she realized, that pretty much the whole look of mikao's world was serendipitious, a fortunate accident.

our hero has thought often about maybe changing her template, but as of yet, she still hasn't. she's thinking that a major life change would be needed in order to warrant a template change. but for now, her life is pretty steady. she's been doing the same thing since her blog first began. but we can be sure that there will be major life changes in store for our fair young maiden. just not quite yet. so, hence, the rain continues to fall.

and so, that is how the rain in mikao's world came to be. in fact, it has never stopped raining here. but our fair young maiden has always like the rain (minus the puddles... fortunately the rain in mikao's world never puddles, it's the best kind of rain).

exploitation

although blogging has been around for awhile, just right about now i think we can safely say it's becoming more mainstream. so exploitation was bound to happen. i think it's way lame-o that dr.pepper and 7up made a cow blog over at ragingcow.com... and i have a few points to make:

a) who wants to read a fake cow's blog?
b) the only way you can really tell that this site is owned by dr. pepper and 7up is if you go to the little 2003 at the bottom left of the screen and click on it.
c) cherry flavoured milk... is that what they're trying to sell? that sounds way too gross for me. i don't even really like regular milk that much, why would i want to drink milk that looks like pepto bismol? apparently there are a variety of flavours to be introduced this april. i will not be partaking of any of them.
d)apparently the "5 top webloggers between 18 and 24" got to go on a big trip paid by dr. pepper and 7up to their headquarters... these blogs are linked to at the bottom right of the page. they link to to the aforementioned fake blog. as much as i'd like to call them sellouts, i'd take a free trip too and would promote your gross milk if you paid me to. how sad is that?

and wait a minute... why didn't i get contacted by dr. pepper and 7up? is my blog not cool enough? i would appreciate an email or some comments from corporate headquarters on how i can make my blog more appealing to marketers. maybe it's just because i'm not american. that must be it.

here are a few articles on the "controversy", in case you're interested:
Globe and Mail
newsweek (scroll down to "flogging on a blog")
cnn

oh dear me

it embarasses me that there are sites like this one out there. and to top it all off, some of the information on it is wrong. this canadian gives canadians a bad name.

remember when

i was:
23 years old at the time of the 9-11 attack on America
21 years old on the first day of Y2K
19 years old when Princess Diana was killed in a car crash
16 years old at the time of Oklahoma City bombing
16 years old when O. J. Simpson was charged with murder
14 years old at the time of the 93 bombing of the World Trade Center
12 years old when Operation Desert Storm began
11 years old during the fall of the Berlin Wall
7 years old when the space shuttle Challenger exploded
5 years old when Apple introduced the Macintosh
5 years old during Sally Ride's travel in space
2 years old when Pres. Reagan was shot by John Hinckley, Jr.
a 1 year old at the time the Iran hostage crisis began
- from age gauge

i remember sitting in Bible Synthesis class last year hearing about what would come to be known as 9-11. the school year had just begun and we were all fourth year college students optimistic about what the year ahead could hold before we heard about it. i remember sitting in chapel that day watching a video recording of the attacks. i remember walking by the school coffee shop all day and having the news on (normally it's just silent school announcements). It was very eerie.

i remember sitting at home watching the news about y2k and how everything they thought was going to happen wasn't.

i remember lying in bed hearing the news over CBC radio that princess diana had been killed. it was my first week of college in ontario.

i remember seeing the picture of bailey almond who was killed in the oklahoma city bombing of the federal building.

i remember the day of the infamous car chase with o.j. simpson. i was at a block barbeque in manitoba.

i remember watching news reports of the 1993 world trade centre bombing. i was at my friend sharlie's house working on a script for a school project in her basement.

i remember a grade 12 girl coming to my seventh grade class during Desert Storm and crying. i didn't understand.

i remember watching the Berlin Wall fall on tv. i remember seeing a big piece of it in front of the Olive Garden restaurant in winnipeg.

i remember hearing about the Challenger explosion in my first grade classroom. i remember thinking i was glad it wasn't my teacher who died in space.

i don't remember the introduction of the macintosh computer. i haven't got a clue who sally ride is. i don’t remember the attempted assassination of president Reagan. i don't know what the iran hostage crisis is or was.

these are the news events that have defined our last 25 years. but i think it's what has happened in between and since them all that is what we should give more attention to.

prayer request

can i just ask you guys tonight to pray for my school?

thanks.

world traveller

at this time i would like to shamelessly tout my guestmap and encourage you to leave your mark... it's over there on my sidebar and doesn't very often get to see people and is feeling a little sad and neglected... me and mr. guestmap would like to know where in the world my blog is popping up on computers, so if you would take a moment to sign it we would love it! :)

summer dreams

what are you guys (well... except for maybe cc :) ) all planning to do for the summer? do you have a summer job lined up? are you looking forward to the summer or are you dreading it? what are you most looking forward to about the season of summer? what are you not looking forward to?

let us know in the comments.

another

tonight i went to another wedding shower, the bazillionth since i started college. well... maybe not bazillionth, but i've been to a lot. but, despite all of them, i still am convinced that Bible college isn't really bridal college like everyone outside of the bubble thinks it is.

i mean, look at me. look at all my graduating friends this year. we're all still single.

and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

prom date

i never had a prom (it was small-town manitoba, there were 31 people in my graduating class), but this is the funniest thing i have seen in a long time. go and voice out your opinion.

what has jason got to loose? seriously, i think it would be super if he asked heather, or accepted her asking (i guess she is asking since it's her prom). but i can see how he would think this was a little weird. okay, a lot weird.. hey, this is the internet after all. but, heather, i'm rooting for you.

* update * march 16
umm... this post is now off of jason's site. i always find it weird when people alter their blogs after posting... (but hey, you can, so i guess you can use the feature) but i suppose maybe the comments were getting too controversial.

last five

last five cds listened to
steven curtis chapman, "all about love"
a friend's instrumental cd
starfield, "tumbling after"
jars of clay "furthermore" (stage cd)
riley armstrong, self titled

last five people talked to
holly
heather
joanne
suzanne
jodi (all last night!)

last five websites visited
briercrest email
sarah's
ryan's
carly's
jason killingsworth's

last five things eaten
chocolate bar for breakfast (!)
cheesecake wrap at boston pizza last night
blt for supper
a snack yesterday afternoon…
mortadella and cheddar sandwich for lunch yesterday

last five books perused
"life after God" by douglas coupland
"understanding today's youth culture" by walt Mueller
"the Bible" by God
"helping the struggling adolescent" by les parrott
"the postponed generation: why American youth are growing up later" by susan littwin

last five thoughts
i should get off the internet
i need to clean my room a bit this afternoon
i should make lunch
today is another nice day outside
i need to find my downhere cd

welcome to spring

i would just like to announce to the world that this morning i woke up to the sound of birds chirping and water dripping off of my roof. the snow is melting. spring is arriving quickly, prepare the way.

blue sky blanket

I love lying on my floor, listening to music or talking on the phone with a friend, looking up at the ceiling or out the window at the sky… it's almost as good as lying in the middle of a field or under a tree in the summer, looking up at the endless expanse of pure blueness beyond the branches, or a beautiful night sky full of stars. The vastness of it all is always breathtaking to me.

revive me

I got stir crazy, could not rest my mind
In too familiar surroundings
So I walked out, ran out in a field
Or maybe You brought me there

To remind me, 'cause I forget so well
I fence me up, and I lock You out
Your greatness comes, rushes in
And You revive me

It dawns on me, when was the last time
I saw these Northern Lights?
It cripples me, when was the last time
I cried to You for sight?
- downhere, "Revive Me"

knowing

i hate it when people sit on my unmade bed, it gives me an immediate compulsion to wash all my bedding. my roommates know this. this is not a good thing.

new

i signed up for AIM the other day, i'm bracelet78 if you'd like to add me to your buddy list sometime, i'd love to chat. : ) i also have MSN, i'm michellegraceireneathotmaildotcom. it literally took me half an hour to find a name that wasn't taken for AIM that i was even remotely satisfied with. this here internet is getting a little crowded.

speaking of internet crowding... there is a post over at andrew careaga's blog about blogging, Christian blogging, "and the dreaded Christian blogging ghetto" that i find interesting. i have concluded that yes, indeed, i am a part of this "ghetto", all of my linked blogs are in fact other Christian bloggers, and i remember being pretty excited to be listed over at who links who. who links who is a site that, in a way, shows how we're all pretty much interconnected in this ghetto.

but, is this Christian blogging ghetto a bad thing? yes, in many regards, i can see that it is. but, in many other regards, i can see that it is good as well. we fellowship online with other believers. we're forming a new faith community of sorts. we're connecting with people we otherwise wouldn't connect with. we lift up one another and encourage each other.

however, as blogging becomes increasingly more popular, i also think that we, as Christians in this advancing medium, have a responsibility. our blogs have the potential to be outreach tools, as in fact they already are. but how is our ghetto turning off non-Christians to Christianity?

last night

i haven't had much time to write these past couple of busy days... lisa left early this morning. yesterday i made a big spaghetti supper, which was the first meal i think that we have eaten together as a house (well, not our whole house, but the large majority of us) in probably three weeks, we used to have supper together three or four times a week. i miss it.

last night was the downhere concert... which i must say was the longest concert i can remember ever being to in my life, we definitely got our $5 worth! even opened, which is a school band from here that has been touring with downhere for their western Canadian tour. they've been around for a year and a half, and their cd just came out last week, so it is neat to see them growing as a band.

after even, starfield played a pretty good set, all songs off of their new "tumbling after" album, which i highly recommend you all go out and buy or at least sample a few songs. : ) i got their album about a month ago and have been loving it. they seem like a group of super guys and are coming back in two weeks for a chapel here and are having a worship concert in the evening so i'm looking forward to that.

then, of course, downhere played. we got to see a sneak peek first at a video/dvd thing that they are making which was neat, and also hear a new song ("stone," i really liked it) off their new album which is coming out in june. they played mostly what seemed like songs off of their first album, a couple that are just on their second album, and then i think two off of the new not-yet-released album. they have definitely grown in their stage persona since the last time i saw them last february, and that was interesting to see. i'm looking forward to getting the new cd.

well, i must get going for the day... so i'll leave you with some of the lyrics of one of my favourite downhere songs:

Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what You're bringing me will
Change my life and bring You glory

There on the store I am learning to let go
Of the will that I so long to control
There may I be in Your arms eternally
I thank You, Lord, you are the calmer of the storm

You rebuke the wind and the waves
Once again I find I'm amazed...
the power of Your will
"Cauase I'm a child of little faith
I feel the wind and forget Your grace
And You say, "Peace, be still."
- downhere, "Calmer of the Storm"

so loved

i don't have much time to write... but i wanted to say thank you to everyone who has posted comments and/or blogged on my last post (you know who you are :) ), and prayed for me. i really appreciate you guys and i don't think that i could ever say that too much. i know that i have friends who love me and a Heavenly Father who cares for me.

i woke up this morning to comments that made me think, and returned refreshed from chapel for more thoughts on the matter. i've got a lot of thinking and praying to do these next few days... i'll keep you guys posted. thank you so much for your thoughts (and especially your prayers)... you've helped me to see things in a new light.

i know that i'm not alone... which was my end point of my previous entry. Jesus isn't someone who will ever leave us alone to deal with our problems. i tend to forget that however, and don't rely on Him, which i think is a major part of my faulty attitude in regards to this matter. i'm working on it though. my biggest struggle i think will be in the next few days as i deal more fully with this issue so i appreciate your continued prayers as i seek the Father's wisdom and guidance.

now, i must run, for i'm leaving shortly with jodi to pick up holly at the airport soon... she skipped out on two days of school and got an extra long extended spring break, lucky duck! and, we are also picking up my good friend heather (and roommate from two years ago) who is flying in from ontario for a visit until Sunday. our mutual friend lisa has also been here since early Monday morning and is staying until Thursday morning, and we are all looking forward to the downhere concert tomorrow evening, with opening bands even and starfield.

"And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:14

searching for wholeness

this is a post I know I 'm going to struggle with posting because it's one if someone I know reads they probably know what I'm talking about (generally people I know in "real life" don't read my blog which I'm very very glad for. This is my journal of sorts, albeit a very public one posted on the internet, I like having the confidence that you the reader are not someone I interact with daily in real life because then my personal thoughts that I post here would not be quite so personal anymore. Yes, I try not to publish anything here that is damaging to others or to myself. Often my blog entries are a forum where I think out my thoughts and figure out what exactly it is I'm thinking. And I know that collectively as a weblogging community we learn from each other. I have appreciated so much these past few months reading fellow bloggers daily thoughts, struggles, interactions, journeys, and opinions. I know I've learned much from your wisdom. And, many times have I been encouraged greatly. (Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11).

today for me was a horrible day, but I do not think any day is lost in horribleness that we can learn from. It began when I had the worst sleep that I can ever remember having in my entire life.

and then it festered tonight, I was in a situation in a group that I did not ever want to be in, and especially did not want my fragile heart to be in. I have realized this semester that I allowed my heart to fall too deeply and have been really struggling with that and turning to God for healing. I know that I need to stay out of situations that encourage me to linger on in this relationship. But tonight, I was forced back into it and I did not know how to handle it and ended up extremely embarrassed and very… I think exhausted is the only word I can use to describe it. a very trying and tiring experience.

later I was speaking with a good friend about the incident and I asked why it is that this relationship, or non-existence of relationship, has to haunt me so. But then I said maybe haunt wasn't exactly the right or best word. But she said, no, it really was, because it's true that it does haunt me. what is the definition of haunt after all? This relationship follows me everywhere. People persistently bring it up. People I don't even know all too well bring it up. Friends bring it up. It follows me everywhere. It doesn't let me go. it sticks to me like glue and follows me like a lamb.

I fell very deeply for someone. I don't know how much of this that he actually knows...but I think surely it is not only me who has spent the last two or three years with our relationship or non-existence of relationship or potential relationship (whatever you want to call it…) being the subject of conversation all over campus especially amongst our friends and mutual friends.

I wish it would quit haunting me. I want to move on. I wonder whether or not I should talk to him about it. but, as I have written previously in other blog entries, I struggle with this. I don't want to affect his life with "my" problems. I don't want to shake his world or even move a pebble stone or speck of sand out of place in his life. is this wrong?

he's someone I respect very deeply and I don't want to change his opinion of me. I want everyone to move on. It frustrates me that I have such a hard time expressing my opinion to others on the matter, especially when I do to friends and they take it so lightly and don't respect me.

I just want to move on. But I don't know how to do that when in the midst of such a storm... I can't do it alone.

within the human heart somewhere
there is a canyon to be closed
a void of space to erase – within the soul
- Canyon Bridge, "Wholeness

insert title here

i've been at the library all day. i have gotten almost nothing done. i'm going home.

computers, memories, and marriage

i just spent the past hour helping joanne with an online application for a summer job... and when we tried to get it sent, it kept getting an error message. so, hopefully, it somehow got through. it was perfect. well, maybe not perfect, but it was pretty sweet.

anyways, after church this morning i spent the afternoon on the phone with my friend jessica from high school, well, actually, we spent grades 5-12 together. but anyways, it was fun talking to her and catching up on all her news and what everyone else from our class has been up to. i haven't seen her in four years, but thankfully we still talk a couple of times a year. she still lives in manitoba, i however moved away almost six years ago. it's so so very very weird for me to think that i graduated almost 7 years ago now. i'm getting too old!

we chatted a bit about how we both aren't married, and how sometimes we wish that wasn't so, but then she told me about all the people from high school who are getting divorced after being married for only a year or two, and how so many have messed up marriages. it's pretty sad.

i want to be ready for marriage when i actually get to that point in my life. i know i'm not ready right now. i don't want to find out later on down the road that i shouldn't have gotten married. God wants our marriages to be for life! He doesn't want us to take our commitment to another person so lightly.

somewhere out there is my husband. i pray for him often. but i don't pray for us very often. i think i'll start though... with our generations' views on marriage and all the struggles that await us, i know that we'll need it.

A-HA!

so i was wondering about the incredible amount of spam that i've been recieving in my two main email accounts, so i decided to start a new email account and post it on my webpage and in comments on other pages to see if that maybe was where the fault was, if perhaps my email address was being harvested somehow off of one of these sources... and indeed it was. because i haven't signed up for anything with this email address.

i hate spam. you hate spam. we all hate spam. even pete hates spam (pete being the aforementioned allegorical representation of all of us). who opens spam anyways? only very rarely am i fooled into opening spam by very clever spam addresses that have the exact same names of friends of mine or who have a very clever subject line. but not often.

how do they make money off of this cruddy spam anyways? i don't understand it. well, i guess it costs virtually nothing to send spam, so if they send a bajillion copies of an email and just one person opens it and buys whatever the crud it is that they are selling, then they've made a profit.

but i never buy anything on the internet. i don't want your spam. keep it out of my inbox. i hate having to start new email addresses because i get too much spam. it's cruddy.

blogger!

dear people over at blogger and google:

why do we have to now live with this double banner thing at the top of our blogs. clean it up, for pete's sake (pete allegorically represents all of us blogspot users). make it look nice. make it attractive. give it some sort of design that makes sense. give us something visually attractive. not large and devoid of our interest.

thank you.
- mikao's world management

old things, new things

so i spent most of my morning cleaning out one of my two closets... and i'm still not done. the closet i was cleaning out is my storage/crafts/laundry/prom dresses closet, the other one i just keep my regular clothes and shoes in. anyways, i have a bunch of boxes that have been travelling with me around campus for the last four years pretty much (but my last three years i stayed in the same dorm room, but i had the boxes in storage most of the time).

so, i decided today was the day to clean these boxes out. what's in them? well... the only way i can describe it i think is to use the word "junk." i'll admit it, i'm a packrat. i keep everything. but i'm getting better. it's not my fault really, i inherited it. from my mom. from my gramma. from my whole family.

so, i've been throwing out a lot. lots of magazine clippings, internet printouts from three years ago, stuff i''ve forgotten the significance of. most of it is just paper. useless stuff. well, not entirely useless, but stuff i really don't need. i'm trying to get rid of stuff. give away things i don't use anymore. give away clothes i haven't worn in literally two or three years. slowly... ever so slowly, i'm dejunkifying. hopefully i'll be done by the end of the month.

i've also been updating my blog's sidebar a little bit over the past few days... getting rid of old links, some to blogs i never visit... adding some new ones to some new blogs, new fun stuff, etc. rearranging things. updating my movies listings.

am thinking about doing a total overhaul of my design. i wish i knew more html... then i could totally do my own design. am looking for a blog template that i like enough and then will redo the colours and format. not sure how long this will take, might get it done before april. or might not. then i think you guys would be be stuck with looking at rain through the whole summer.

thanks to austin foxley over at this is your free write for linking me up : ) . like michaela over at this beautiful mess, i'm often surprised when people link me. it's way cool that someone would think my words worthy of a link. and apparently, austin thinks i have "good blogging." i'm honoured.

plank eye

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrites, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
- Matthew 7:1-5

This past week in my class I’ve had the opportunity to view a lot of biblically based films, with many many on the life of Moses (The Ten Commandments 1923, The Ten Commandments 1956, Hanna-Barbera’s Moses, Prince of Egypt), and many also on the life of Jesus (From the Manger to the Cross, The Greatest Story Ever Told, Godspell, Jesus Christ Superstar, The Last Temptation of Christ, The Jesus Film). And what stuck with me most was Jesus stating the above passage in the Sermon on the Mount in a couple of the films. It really stuck out to me.

This past year I’ve been very judgmental to a few people in particular. Why? I am not sure. There is no way to justify one’s judgmentalness. All I can do is ask for forgiveness.

I know that this summer for me is going to be a very stretching time. Earlier this week I got told I got accepted and are scheduled to have the same job I had last summer. I have never done the same thing for more than one summer. I always go somewhere new, somewhere with new possibilities and usually where no one knows me. While, yes, I did apply for a job there again, and yes, I did expect to get it, finding out I got the position has still left me with conflicted thoughts. I’m working through them, and I would love to blog about them, but also I don’t want to share my thoughts with just anyone who might stumble across this page… although I would like to share them with some of you, I don't feel i can with all of humanity.

But, I can tell you that I know God is working in my life. He’s helping me through some things. I don’t know what he has in store for this summer exactly, and I know it’s going to be a challenge, but I am also looking forward to it.

I had a great summer last year, and I am hoping for the same this summer. But it will be a very very different experience in many regards I think. I’m going to be stretched. I want to be stretched. I want my world to be shaken. And I hope pray that I can handle it with God’s wonderful grace.

God, help me remove the plank from my own eye.

Walk with me quiet, walk with me slow…
Walk with me empty, walk with me strong
The hush of our voices, when the day seems so long
It is like a balm, it is like a jewel
It unravels all I thought I knew
- Caedmon’s Call, “Walk With Me”

(again)

haven't really gotten anything accomplished today. have talked to a lot of people online though. i don't usually do that.

one word

i love the one word site, it challenges me to stay creative. maybe it just gives me an excuse to be creative. i tend to notice that my entries are a lot different than the other ones posted. i had a few great language arts teachers from sixth grade through twelfth. i won a bunch of story writing contests in sixth grade. i was in the 99th percentile for grade 12 english students in manitoba the year i graduated.

but i don't write much anymore, other than my blog. developing grave's disease (a thyroid disorder) and hyperthyroidism (an over active thyroid caused by the body's attack of the thyroid which it thinks is a foreign alien, what grave's disease is basically) and then hypothroidism (an underactive thyroid due to radiation treatment for said disease) has changed my concentration and thought processes more than i like to admit. there isn't much research into this result of thyroid disorders from what i've been able to find.

if you've never been to one word, and you like writing, go now. actually, go even if you don't like writing. see what you come up with. it's just a minute out of your day. : )

yesterday he declared his undying love. undying love that i didn't want. i didn't ask for it. it came unbidden and without warning. streaming forth like the water from the rock that moses struck. what did i do, if anything? i smiled. i said thank you. i walked away.
- my entry from March 4, 2003 09:12 PM, prompted by the word "yesterday"

over

class is over. $630 spent. much movies watched. much homework to do. much sleep to catch up on.

unsatisfied

so i redid the survey at findyourspot.com, and i'm still unsatisfied:

Chattanooga, Tennessee
Ashville, North Carolina
Greenville, South Carolina
Seattle, Washington
Hickory, North Carolina

i don't like these choices very much, but what choices would i like? the choices they give you seem to be directly related mostly to housing cost and location and weather i think. it would be cool if there was a findyourspot for Canada. : ) then i think i'd know a little better what i was looking for or understand at least a little more what i was looking at.

i'm a restless person, often never satisfied with where i'm at. i transferred colleges three times (but just between two colleges). i went to three schools between kindergarten and grade 12. i've worked in a different province or state every summer for the past five years. so far, i've lived in saskatchewan, manitoba, alberta, ontario, the yukon, illinois, and maine. when i finish my schooling here, i can literally move anywhere in canada. i have no ties (well, family, but we live in such a mobile society that i don't think geographical distance is as much of a problem anymore. and i haven't lived within 14 hours of my parents in the last five years). and i could probably move to the states if i really wanted to.

thankfully, i still have time to decide such things and apply for jobs and general freaking out. the freaking out won't begin until september.... just kidding. i am not planning on freaking out. i am pretty confident that God has a good plan up His sleeve.

top 16

i don't usually do too many web surveys, but after visiting sara's site today, i followed a link to find out the top places in america for me to live... and according to www.findyourspot.com, the top sixteen for me are:

Hancock-Houghton, Michigan
Petoskey, Michigan
Sandpoint, Idaho
Spencer, Iowa
Lanesboro, Minnesota
Spearfish, South Dakota
Traverse City, Michigan
Hannibal City, Missouri
Lancaster, Ohio
Dillon, Montana
Sandusky, Ohio
Sheridan, Wyoming
Livingston, Montana
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Oberlin, Ohio
Scottsbluff, Nebraska

althought these sound like lovely towns, i think i'm going to have to take the quiz again!

summer plans & senior panic

yesterday i got offered a summer job. well, actually, i got told i had a summer job. i'm not sure how i feel about that. more blogging on it to come, when i've sorted out my thoughts.

but anyways, this afternoon after class i was talking with a friend of mine about such summer plans, future plans, jobs, and general senior panic. thankfully, right now i don't have to worry about senior panic. i think anyone who has been through their last year of college knows what i'm talking about... the gutwrenching, fear inducing, out-of-control feeling that comes when you think about your future and the fact that it's not all nicely planned out like it always had been before... 12 or 13 years of grade school, then 4 years of college. what to do when post-secondary schooling is over... that is senior panic for me.

i partly by-passed it by the fact that i did five years of college (a year and a half of art school and three and a half years of Bible college), and then started seminary (grad school) this year. but, come december, i'll be done my m.a.

then what?

will i go out into the "real world"? does the real world even exist? will i be starting my "real life"? or has my real life already begun?

what does the future hold? only God knows. but he's taking me through it one step at a time.

declaring undying love

so today was a long day, not only of class, but also of post-class movie watching, from the manger to the cross, from 1912, and and God spoke. the first is a silent film, pretty good as far as silent films go, not too long (71 minutes) compared to some other ones i've had to watch. the second, a parody, was pretty terrible. there was only one or two funny parts... and a lot of bad taste.

i went to buy the new switchfoot cd today, but ended up with the new caedmon's call. and, because i've been busy with class and movie watching... i haven't even gotten to listen to it yet. so, now i am getting off the internet to go and get ready for bed and pop it into my cd player and drift off to pleasant dreams. until 7:15am. or more probably 6:30ish when i'll wake up so that i don't have to listen to my alarm go off... i have this nasty habit of subconciously (unconsciously?) waking myself up before my alarm goes off because i hate the sound of alarm clocks. when i actually get into a routine i can wake up the minute before it is going to go off so that i can turn it off first (if i'm not into a routine then i usually have a half-hour to hour buffer... my subconcious gets nervous that it might miss out so it gives me extra time... a.k.a. losing an hour's worth of good quality sleep). and, usually in the middle of the night when i wake up i can guess the time correctly with a three minute margin of error. is it just me, or is this freaky????

good night. sleep tight. don't let the bedbugs bite.

the Bible and film and hopes and dreams

and so i'm done day one of my class "screening scripture: the Bible in film and video". it was actually very interesting, despite the fact that a lot of if was introduction. we saw a lot of stills from early early films, early 1900s. pretty neat. too bad we can't actually watch them, but you can only do that mostly in london and nyc.

i really should be getting off the internet and getting some supper ready so i can watch "the ten commandments" (1953 version) for class tomorrow. i've been using holly's computer and it has sound so i've been zooming around the web listening to a few things i couldn't on my computer (the sound ofjason's voice, some new switchfoot, etc).

i've been challenged much lately with regards to future plans and hopes and dreams and wants. impatience is my biggest foe... i have a hard time waiting for the future... a hard time being patient and waiting for God's plan to unfold. i know that it will be, i pray that i can be patient in seeing it unfold.

This is your life,
are you who you want to be?
This is your life
is it everything you'd dreamed that it would be?
- Switchfoot, "This Is Your Life"

ambitions

tomorrow at 7:15am i will be doing something i don't often do that early in the morning... getting up. usually i get up around 10. but, a week of classes is ahead of me (i know, i know, i shouldn't be complaining, some of you guys get out of bed for classes 5 days a week 8 months of the year... me, my sleeping schedule is interupted three weeks of the semester). a modular system is nice (having classes 8-4 for a week straight instead of broken up over the semester), but i miss the daily interaction and schedule of college classes. i miss the gradualness of it all, i have a hard time being forced to learn so much in a week. i forget it so soon.

my old roommate heather, whom i talked to earlier this afternoon, phoned me tonight with a question and a compliment... "how do you stay in touch so well with people?" she and her friend terri were wondering if i have a schedule for sending out postcards to people. no, i don't. i just send them when i think of people.

which brings me to the question, sarah, has your postcard arrived yet? i hope so. if not, what did mr. postman do with it?

and, if any of my other readers out there would like a postcard of their very own, i'd love to send you one. email me your address. : )

and, have a great day. thanks for taking time out of it to read this.

mary kate and ashley

my blog has continued to have a lot of traffic even in my absence of posting. people are still looking for jars of clay's "the valley song" lyrics. some of you found the link to the switchfoot concert photos. and someone apparently thought this blog would tell them whether or not mary kate and ashley olsen will spend forever with the Lord.

and, i was also told that a couple of people whom i personally know read my blog while i was away. i used to not put a lot of personal information on my blog so that someone specifically searching for me wouldn't randomly stumble upon it. i still don't post my last name. but if you're looking for a michelle from my school, or a couple of unique names that a couple of my friends have that i've posted about, or my know my camp name, then there is the likelihood that you'll find my my blog.

while it doesn't bother me that you found my blog and read it (hey, it's on the internet, anyone can read it), it does bother me that you read it with malicious intent... wanting to be able to find something that i had written in order to use it against me.

i can only think of one time i wrote something i wished i hadn't in my blog. i've thought about deleting it. but i wrote it and have learned from it. i think it should still be there, it's a part of my past.

i like blogging. i like writing down what i'm thinking, what i've been doing, what i've been finding out, what God's been teaching me, and i love the interaction that it brings from people all over the world. i love the internet friends i've been meeting through blogging, you guys are awesome! i love reading what God is doing in your lives. i think that my blog is a a tool that God is using in my life to help me become more Christlike.

in this crazy, messed-up world, it's amazing to me that there are still so many people out there actively seeking to follow the Father. His love is amazing and unending and never ceasing. two thousand years ago a virgin concieved and little baby was born who brought the gift of salvation to a needy world. this baby was Jesus Christ.

by reading this, you're joining in my journey. i don't know if mary kate and ashley olsen will spend forever with the Lord. but i know i will be. and it is my prayer that you will too.


"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken."
- Psalm 62:5, 6

85 memories

i'm back at school, back in my beloved room, back on the internet catching up on all my regular blog reads and enjoying the laziness of this day before a week of classes starting tomorrow at 8am.

i had a good break and visit at my gramma's... i wish it could have been longer though. she still lives on the farm that my mother grew up on in manitoba. and yesterday was her 85th birthday.

we spent most of the time labelling two large boxes of old family photographs which was tiring but also very interesting. lots of old homesteading pictures from when my great-grandparents started carving out a prairie farm in 1916 that i didn't know existed. lots of cute pictures of my mom and aunt. lots of pictures of my grandpa whom i never got to meet. lots of pictures of my great-grandfather who died a few months before i was born... i'm convinced he was a very great man. lots of memories are held in a box of photographs. and those memories live on in the lives of those who remember.

"what are you doing?"
"i'm making a memory."
- i think this is from "the parent trap," but i'm not too sure...

"mandy moore did not write this song"

just got back, great concert tonight. must get up early tomorrow morning to give retreaters their art back from the art gallery competition. must go to bed.

t minus

less than 2 hours until the switchfoot concert. and as much as i love switchfoot, i still would trade this one in if i could make it to the jars of clay and caedmon's call concert tomorrow night in minot, nd.

this is youth quake

4000 youth and youth sponsors
3 days
caronport, saskatchewan
2 big bands (tfc, switchfoot)
kickoff skit
games
1 huge stage
various acts
prayer room
lazer tag
inflatables
overpriced merchandise
packed dorm rooms
b.o. smell everywhere
stinky overused bathrooms
hotdogs
food tents
art
24-7 prayer
juggling
dorm patrol
here 4 you crew
security
essential ID tags

...i have to go, i have to be somewhere locking a room in a few minutes.

simple joy

flannel pajamas.

can you hear Me?

youth quake 2003 begins at 1pm central standard time. i don't expect to see my house again until very very very late tonight.

but i might skip the thousand foot krutch concert tonight. i have a feeling i will be exhausted by then.

conversation

joanne: so, do you think they will sing the song from the movie?

michelle: yeah, highlight of the weekend!

joanne: do you think because they left this bounce sheet here it means they want it in the dryer?

michelle:: um, i don't know.

joanne: would you put it in the dryer?

michelle: um, no, i wouldn't want to chance it and put in something that shouldn't have been in there.

joanne: okay. that's probably best. (pause) so, do you think they'll say something about jamie sullivan?

this of course is all in reference to the switchfoot concert this weekend, with some laundry banter thrown in for your own personal enjoyment, because you, after all, will not be here to enjoy the concert.

oy

it's 12:30am and my stomach does not feel so good... i don't have time to be sick.

my day

i'm going to write a post about my day today... because, well, it's my blog and i can write what i want to... although sometimes (or actually more often than not), i think that i should write something profound and insightful and interesting, but that's just not going to happen tonight.

so today i went out for lunch with my visiting friends carrie and natty, and we also took the fabulous lowana with us as well, and had a perfectly fabulous time... only got a million looks from the lady with the mullet two tables over who apparently did not appreciate our laughing.

then tonight i worked on some decorations for the art gallery for youth quake... hopefully it is going to look cool schmoole, but we'll only know tomorrow when it is officially all done and painted and decorated.

now i need to be getting out of this library with it's beautiful fast internet connections and back to my slow computer at home to work on the scheduling for yq so i can get those out to my volunteers for the weekend so they know exactly what they are doing.

good night.

ugh

i don't like posting in the library. i don't like working in the library in general. i feel like there are a million people staring at me and reading my every word.

maybe i'm just still too self concious. i thought i would grow out of that after the end of junior high... but (excuse me while i go and check)....................... nope, i haven't grown out of it yet.

looking for

i've always noticed a lot of discussion of romance/love/future spouses/etc. in general in blogs, and the past couple of days i have noticed an extreme amount of it… and also due to events in my life as of late i've been thinking about it too.

tim has an interesting discussion going on over at .future.hope (see the feb 1e post that starts with "I've been in a very Coldplay state of mind"), and carly's got some interesting things to say in a recent post as well (see feb 18th's post "my entire life, i've come in second place". (my apologies, i couldn't figure out how to directly link).

and once upon a time last semester I signed up for a free issue of elle magazine and am still getting it (if there's anyone from elle out there reading this, please quit sending it to me, I don't want your magazine for the gazillionth time and I'm not gonna pay for it), and found the following this month in regards to what joshua jackson of dawson's creek fame looks for in a girl:

"A pulse is a good place to start," he jokes. "What I mean is, I try not to prejudge. Life would be boring if I said, 'Okay, all the blondes and redheads out, anybody over five-foot-seven out.' That would be more like catalogue shopping than romance."
- Joshua Jackson, in Elle Canada, March 2003, pg. 56.

here i am again

so here i am in the library again, where the internet connection is a gazillion times faster than the one that beams itself into my room via my phoneline. ah, the wonders of dial-up (that was a joke).

so, how are you guys doing out there? i was wondering, because it seems like no one is blogging. i haven't really felt like blogging lately either. i think these past couple of days were a world blogging slump. or maybe it was the fact that everyone uses haloscan comments and they were down so no one wanted to blog because we all know that we webloggers live for the intereaction of comments.

something mildly disconcerting, i find, is our "computer lab checking-out situation." there are a bunch of long desks back to back with computers on them in here and so when you look past your computer monitor's left side, which is basically the centre of your vision, you are looking directly at the person using the computer behind yours. it feels like people are continually looking at you, or checking you out perhaps. mildly disconcerting, i know, that's what i said!

i've had a long day, all day getting stuff ready for youth quake. yq is canada's largest youth conference, and this weekend, our little campus will welcome 4000 more people from across canada and the usa and some overseas for one cool intergalactic weekend. (i've always wanted to use the word intergalactic in my blog. i figure i'll get some cool hits from that one ;) ) anyways, back on topic here.... i'm in charge of the art gallery, so have been busy getting that into motion and getting people signed up to help out with stuff, getting the prizes ready, etc. etc. should be a fun but terribly exhausting weekend... including the switchfoot concert saturday night.

anyways kids, i should be heading off home, and maybe see if anyone is around. i have two houseguests (carrie and natty) this week whom i haven't seen all day... and another one is arriving tonight (alaina). take care and have a super duper evening and day.

"He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend."
- Proverbs 22:11

looking

if you're looking for the lyrics to jars of clay's "the valley song" (my webstats keep telling me that you are ;) ), click here.

here i am

i'm at the library tonight, alone, doing pretty much nothing... a boring night.

it's someone's birthday today. but i wasn't invited to the party.

i hate it when friendships fade away or die or become one sided. one of life's great sorrows.

to do list

dream big. do something unexpected. fall in love. drive alone. sing in the rain. quit biting nails. stop worrying. finish homework. finish school. publish something again. sew another quilt. clean room. do laundry. take more photographs listen to more music feed the hungry. give to the poor be in two places at once. have an art show. get over self-conciousness. read my Bible more. quit relying on myself so much. quit obsessing so much. not forget that i've given it all to God.

in other news

i have decided to redo my sidebar a bit... and so am committing this to the archives today:

i want to live life freely.
i want to fly across the ocean.
i want to breathe the air in England.
i want to walk the streets of new york city again.
i want to see the louvre.
I want to tour frank lloyd wright's house.
i want a happy holiday.
i want to feel that tingly sensation when i hold hands for the first time.
i want everyone to like me.
i want to dream unashamedly.
i want to unabashedly experience love.
i want to be married.
i want to have a home.
i want my grandmother to be able to meet my husband.
I want to share my memories with someone.
i want to fall asleep in the arms of the man that God has created for me.
I want to have no doubts.
i want to love others without worrying what other people think.
i want to get over past regrets.
i want to embrace my past and be hopeful for the future.
i want to learn to play the piano.
i want to paint a great painting.
i want to be remembered as one who loved.
i want to have children.
i want to share the Word of God unashamedly.
i want to pray without ceasing.
i want to live without fear.
i want to embrace the gifts I've been given.
i want to not care if my friends don't agree.
i want to speak in public and not be nervous.
i want to sing alone without being embarrassed.
i want to experience a prairie summer again.
i want to renew old friendships that i miss.
i want to be a mentor.
i want to share Christ with many.
i want to see Christ change the lives of those close to me.
i want to see my family all come to salvation.
i want people to not be afraid to talk to me.
i want to be approachable.
i want to raise my children in the faith.
i want my husband to be completely and totally head-over-heels in love with me for who i am and who i will be.
i want to be totally and completely head-over-heels in love with my husband for who he is and who he will be.
i want to hear "well done, good and faithful servant," when it is over.

funny

funny how God helps us do things we don't think we can, funny how he helps us handle the impossible.

just yesterday i thought "i can't handle it, if this ever happens", and then it did... and i think i'm fine.

thanks God.

speechless.

wondering what to risk

The other day while I was driving home my world was shaken… it occurred to me that I had left too many risks untaken, I'm always sitting here just waiting for a revelation. Is it ever gonna come?

All this searching yet my destiny is still unfound, makes me realize this world will always let me down. So it seems that the only hope I ever had was everything that You are.

I'm falling down, tumbling after You, I'm overwhelmed, tripping over simple truth. In all I've found there's nothing that's more beautiful than what I've found in You. You could always see right through the front I'd offer you, not believing my excuses waiting for the truth, when you could have turned your back and walked away from me, you picked me up instead.
- Starfield, "Tumbling After"

funners

funners just happens to be one of my favourite words, although technically it is not a proper word, i think it's a gooder. ; )

i went to moose jaw today with maria, anna, joanne, and barclee, we went to the mall and out for supper, which was nice. i got some new jeans, over which i am very excited, for i cannot remember the last time i bought new jeans, probably a year ago. i've been sustained on second hand finds, mainly jeans from friends that were too small for them, or cheap thrift store bargains. but it's always hard to find nice jeans second hand.

on another note, totally unrealted, what is up with this weather? i think it has snowed every day for at least the past week, if not longer. my hands are chapped, it's too cold outside. there are not many things i hate, but chapped hands i definitely do.

i must run, i'm at the library and it's closing in a few minutes. my roommates have been on the phone non-stop all night so i couldn't get online to check my email. but my real purpose for coming here was actually to sign out "the ten commandments" (filmed in 1923) for the second time... it's on 5 hour reserve but since the library's not open tomorrow i can keep it until monday morning... so i have all tomorrow to work up the excitment to watch it. (i have to for my upcoming class).

it's going to be good, right? it's not going to be snoring boring, is it?

hypothetical surreal valentine's day

so susie* went out with some friends to starbucks on valentine's day and it ended up that her friend midge's older brother paul was there... paul, whom susie thinks is fabulous but never gets to hang out with. susie thought that this was a very surreal way to spend valentine's day. she thinks paul is just peachy.

but susie has liked this guy named hubert for a very very long time, two years in fact. but, hubert moved away, far away, just recently, and while susie and hubert still chat, susie has pretty much resigned herself to the fact that nothing will ever happen between her and hubert... and this makes her sad.

when susie returned home from her valentine's evening at starbucks, she found, low and behold, that suzy, the girl that hubert likes, a girl she has never met, is staying at her house that evening. suzy, is of course, pretty nice, and hard to dislike, except for the fact that she doesn't like hubert and doesn't know what to do about him... he gave her a framed picture of himself for Christmas, which everyone has to admit, pretty weird. and he keeps calling her and emailing her. but she doesn't want him to.

this makes susie sad. she wishes hubert could find a nice girl to like, a nice girl who likes him back and knows how fabulous he is. a girl like her.

*all names have been changed.

Happy Valentine's Day

i was hoping to have a pink template ready for today, and just for today... but despite all my efforts i was either stuck with a teal section that i couldn't get rid of, or no comments... so you guys i guess are stuck with the periwinkle/bluish/accidental background that seems to go well with the raindrops.

i've actually been thinking about getting rid of the raindrops, or maybe going to a different colour or template, but then would it still be mikao's world? and, i've also thought about getting a new blog name... but i can never think of anything i'm satisfied enough with, so i just stick with what i've got.

mikao, by the way, is my "camp name," short for mary kate and ashley olsen (m.k.a.o.), who of course played "michelle" on "full house."

this post isn't very valentine-ish now is it?

accomplishment

i just finished this, and also this, so i thought i’d let you take a peek. : )

dialogue

me: ooo, i've got all clean pajamas.

joanne: what? you've got Korean pajamas?

me: no, i've got all clean pajamas, but that would be fun, traveling around to different countries buying pajamas.

joanne: hello, i think we've just found ourselves a new career.

me: what?

joanne: like we couldn't do that… travel around, buying pajamas, taking pictures, and making a book with some sort of crap cool cover to sell at Chapters. we'd make a fortune!

one month

i just found out today that not only will downhere be here march 12, with opening band even, but, they also have a second opening band... (insert drum roll here)... starfield!

i am pumped.

so...

and so i have nothing fascinating or even remotely interesting to blog about, today was one dull day. dull dull dull. i pretty much did nothing that i could call an accomplishment, nothing i can be proud of, since most of my day i spent working on a silly template.

i did, however, look at my notes for my next upcoming class, "Screening Scripture: The Bible in Cinema and Film," that is the week of march 3-7. there is a whole truckload of notes (282 pages of photocopied notes that cost a mere $53!), plus three textbooks, and a bajillion films to watch, i had better get cracking.

but i don't want to watch boring films (romeo and juliet, circe 1968 and 1996, the ten commandments, etc). i want to do something fun.

but my reward for watching boring films will be doing something fun. well, actually, a few fun things:

a) my friends carrie from idaho and natasha from alberta are coming on friday for almost a whole week. whooohoooo.
b) my friend alaina is coming next week for 6 days.
c) youth quake is coming up in a week and a half. whooohooo switchfoot!
d) i just found out today that my old roommate heather from ontario is coming march 11th and will be here march 12 for the downhere concert. yippeeee.
e) my friend lisa is coming to visit march 7-13 from ontario. coolness.

so, yeah, i need to go and get watching some shakespeare... so that when carrie and natty come i don't have to force them to watch shakespeare. : )

have a great night guys.

ugh!

i've been working on a new template all day... very very frustrating. can't find the renegade code that is causing the trouble.

you

i wish that he was here. i wish we could hang out.

'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight

It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me
- Vanessa Carlton, A Thousand Miles

days like

days like today i wonder if i really know who i am and where i'm going. days where nothing tactile gets accomplished and it's a simple joy to be living and breathing one more day, basking in the hope that there are better days to come.

days like today are blustery weather days and calm weather days, days where nothing can be predicted and things can change in a moment with no notice or warning or red flag. not even a little blinking light or a doorbell. nothing.

days like today are fraught with misunderstandings and deep understandings, and caring too little and caring too much.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding..."
- Proverbs 3:5

the valley song
(sing of Your mercy)
-written by Aaron Sands, Dan Haseltine, Charlie Lowell, Stephen Mason, and Matt Odmark

"You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to You

I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death like a gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek Your face

But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Jus the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia

While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut

Though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around,
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down"
- performed by Jars of Clay

i've been getting a lot of hits lately looking for the lyrics for this song, so I thought I'd post the full lyrics, they don't seem to be out there on the web yet. I hate it when you're looking for lyrics and can't find them. I love the line, "because there are no words," as well as the chorus. great song.

ugh

don't you just love blogger? : )

template problems, try #2



if you can actually get this picture to work (you can type the address into your browser), that's me second from the right.

* An increase in the number of common law couples from 6% in 1996 to 16% in 2001. (This compares with 8.2% in the US, 24.5% in Norway, and 30% in Sweden).
* An increase in the number of children living with common law parents from 3.1% in 1981 to 12.8% in 2001.
* An increase in the number of children living with lone parents from 12.8% in 1981 18.8% in 2001, and a decrease in the number of children living with two married parents, from 84.1% in 1981 to 68.4% in 2001."

Source: Kids First Canada.

get out

"The number of adults aged 20 to 29 still living with their parents has increased from 27.5% in 1981 to 41.4% in 2001 (with the highest percentage in Newfoundland at 50.9% and the lowest in Saskatchewan at 29.8%)."

Source: Kids First Canada.

prima

this afternoon after church, jodi, holly, and i ventured off to the big city of regina, saskatchewan, for some quality time. chapters bookstore (kind of like barnes and noble, for you americans... i love bookstores like chapters, they have way better selection than a library… except you can't take the books home for free, or just non-commitment borrow them either). anyways, looked through a bunch of awesome art books, found some neato journals (I have a real weakness for beautifully bound journals), and bought nothing. yay willpower! : ) some people think the real plus factor of chapters is the fact that they have a starbucks in them, but i'm not a coffee fan, books are much more exciting to me.

then later we went to value village (a thrift store)… and none of us found anything which is really strange, and to the cornwall centre mall. i found a really nice wool cable knit scarf at the gap that i had seen before Christmas that i really liked, but back then it was $58 (who pays that much for a scarf???). now it's on for $12, but they only had a black one, and i thought, what do i need another scarf for, and my peacoat is navy, so it really wouldn't match anyway. i did however succumb to the allure of some really good smelling and cool looking cranberry and spiced pear candles at the body shop that were on for half price that i had also seen before Christmas but did not buy. so that was my big purchase today, a couple of candles. i've never boughten candles before, i'm more of a cool lamps person, but now my room will smell lovely.

then, we went to this restaurant called "pasta prima" that none of us had been to before, and had a lovely supper. it was all homemade fresh pastas, super good stuff. so, yeah, if you're ever in regina, go to pasta prima.

notice

lately i've had a significant increase in web traffic. i'm not sure what this is due to, although i've noticed a lot of visitors surfing in. most of my referrals come off of tim's and kathleen's blogs, but lately i've also had a lot off of carly's, sarah's, and jenni's blogs. so, welcome here. and thanks to my referrers, you guys are awesome! : )

i've also had a lot of people surfing in off of google looking for lyrics, as well as other assorted searches such as:

a) various desktop themes
b) "worrying what other people think"
c) think outside the bubble school youth ministry
d) "never been willing to give up my heart "
e) "never had a boyfriend"
f) ohio driver's liscence template
g) yukon driver's liscence template
h) canada age of majority card template

just in case you are here because you were searching for something similar, i will let you in on a few fun facts:

a) you will not find any desktop themes here
b) don't do it so often, it's not worth it
c) hmm... yes i'm a youth min major. sometimes i blog about it. stick around, i love to think outside the bubble, although i live in the bubble.
d) oooo, tough one. something i struggle with daily.
e) yes. we're still out here. people like me. we're not freaks, despite popular opinion. hold in there. i'll blog about this another day. but, just to let you in on a little secret, it's not as bad as you think it might be. i'm willing to wait for the right guy rather than settle for the wrong guy.
f) no, i will not help you break the law.
g) see "f", and no, i do not think you should be looking for this.
h) see "f" and "g", and quit trying to break the law(!), it'll only mess up your life and get you in more trouble. trust me.

somehow, this increase in traffic makes me nervous. suddenly i think my entries should be more profound. suddenly i feel like i should have something interesting to say. suddenly i feel like i do nothing to deserve you reading this (13 hits from new brunswick in one day? i've never had a hit from new brunswick before!). there you are, somewhere totally random on this planet, reading this... my little random though.

leave me a comment. let me know that you read this. let us in on where you're from and how you got here. let me in on why you keep coming back. i'm interested to hear. : )

drastic

i've been meaning to get my hair cut for awhile. it was getting what i considered to be a little bit too long. i saw 28 days about a week ago, and so i was thinking i'd maybe get my hair cut like sandra bullock's in that movie, she had such great hair.

but anyway, today i, on the spur of the moment, went to moose jaw, and ended up getting my hair cut. drastic cut. like 8 inches at least. now it's shorter than sandra's, not by much, but still shorter. i've never had my hair cut this short in my entire life. well, i suppose maybe when i was a baby it was shorter. but this is drastic for me. shorter than shoulder length, with layers. usually i just get a straight cut with no layering.

i don't think guys understand what a big deal it is for girls to get their hair cut. or maybe it's just me... am i the only one who makes a big deal out of it? i mean, 8 inches is a lot of hair to get cut off!

but then again, once i got 14 inches cut off at once.

travel

i'm not going to my Gramma's... i needed to have a meeting before i left and it turns out the woman i need to meet with is out of town until tuesday.

but, that's okay, i'll go for my visit at the end of the month as i had planned earlier.

need to get some work done. today is a dry day.

"Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give to you..."
- Acts 2:3:6b

display ideas

for those of you who remember this, you might want to see this.

i encourage you all to replicate the apple display in your home. but not in your store. then i'd feel bad.

change of plans

i was supposed to be going to Montana this weekend and i was really looking forward to it, but the friend i was going with has decided to bail...so, a change of plans is being forced upon me. i was originally planning to go to my Gramma's for a week starting earlier this week and going through to next week, but decided to postpone that until the end of the month. but now, since my weekend is free, i'm thinking i might go. have to talk to my Gramma though and see if it works for her. she's 84, and still lives on the farm my mother grew up on in Manitoba (above North Dakota). she's one of my favourite people, we get along so great and have lots of fun together. : ) usually i go to visit once in the autumn and once in the spring, but i haven't been to see her since last march.

but, this next week i also need to have a little contact with my email to perhaps try and figure out some summer plans. i am in the midst of trying to figure out where God wants me to be this summer. i know that he will bless me no matter what i decide to do, but i worry so much about making the wrong decision. is it possible to go to the "wrong" place? i thought i had it figured out but people keep telling me to do different things and none so far stick out as a "that's totally it!" so i'm in limbo. i am hoping to serve at a church or a camp somewhere. maybe Canada, maybe the US again, we'll see.

so, i am worried about this summer... what to do, where to go. but, i do remember:

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because i am fearfully and woderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
-Psalm 139:13-14, 16a

the innocence of childhood

I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy
When death like a gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek Your face...
because there are no words
Though pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down
- Jars of Clay, "The Valley Song (Sing of Your Mercy)

i got the new jars of clay cd set today, "furthermore". there are two cds, one live from the stage and one from the studio, plus a bonus cd with a few jars songs on it and a few caedmon's call songs. i like this aforementioned song, as well as the new version of "love song for a Saviour." love song will always be one of my favourites. the innocence of childhood. God's great and unending love.

images

i'm actually hiding out in the library tonight... hiding from my roommates. well, actually, i guess i'm not technically hiding out, since they know where i am, but i am avoiding them. too much time in house makes me go crazy. although i do love it, it's lots of fun at the best of times... and i love my room, and i love cooking (as opposed to eating in the cafeteria, which does have it's benefits, but i like cooking), and etc. etc. : )

i am listening to my discman at the moment, although i'm superparanoid i'll start singing or something. i don't personally know any of the people in the computer lab i can see, so i don't want to make a bad impression ; ) on these people that i don't know too well! i took one of my ear buds out... just in case... then i'd hear myself singing.

got my links working, sorry they're such bad scans. i think the reflections of the tape work with the blossoms postcard, but not really with the other two. i'll scan before taping next time.

i should go. maybe get some homework done.

i'm totally random even at the best of times. i often wonder if there really is anyone out there who follows my train of thought.

new links

as time allows i have been working on expanding my blog a bit into other realms of me, so i've been developing some webpage content.

voila, here is my first somewhat finished page, some of my artwork linked up.

good stuff

i just wanted to say that i think carly's blog is an all-round cool blog, i'd like to meet this girl some day. found her blog by accident, but am loving reading her posts.

sometimes i get so lost in the little problems of my life that i forget all the joys. the joy of knowing Christ. the joy of knowing his love. the joy of living for him. the joy of being blessed by being able to go to an incredible school. the joy of freedom. the joy of life in Christ.

What do I have
If I don't have you Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter of my head
- Starfield, "Cry in My Heart

so blogger just ate my reflective, thoughtful post, so... maybe i wasn't supposed to post it?

it was about trying to discern God's will.

invite

i got invited to an artists' retreat at the end of march... i'm excited. i've never done anything like that before.

i, i, i survived!

quick update...

good friends are a blessing. joanne was waiting for me when i got done my interview. : )

i did indeed survive. i got a conditional pass... which pretty much everyone gets (you can get a clear pass, conditional pass, or a fail). most of the questions they asked me were on things like "how do you see the relationship within the Trinity?", "how do you recieve from God?", and "what was Christ's purpose for God while here on earth?"... not questions i was at all expecting but good ones to think about. hard ones to think about.

my conditional pass is based on the factor that i need to rework the sections of my paper on baptism, angels and demons, and the return of Christ.

I'm falling down
Tumbling after You
I'm overwhelmed
Trembling over simple truth
In all I've found
There's nothing that's more beautiful
Than what I've found in You
- Starfield, "Tumbling After

may You be honoured and glorified

today was a good day. not great, but good.

tomorrow morning at 11:30 CST begins my exit interview... 45 minutes that all potential B.A. graduates dread. anxiety.

what do i know? that God is as real as the blood in my veins, and that Jesus Christ came and died and shed that blood so that me and you can live forever with him... i know that the passion of God is a very real thing, that his grace and mercy are amazing, and that he continues to astound me every day with his love.

In my heart, there's a fire burning
A passion deep within my soul
Not slowing down, not growing cold
An unquenchable flame
That keeps burning brighter
A love that's blazing like the sun
For who You are and what You've done
- Starfield, "Filled With Your Glory"

everything

went to a surprise birthday party today which was fun. it was all people that i know casually for the most part, but never hang out with, so that was neat. played a big game of cranium, sometimes i feel so bad in trivia games because i always know all the answers (except for sports... that's my achilles heel), so my team pretty much always wins. in junior high we used to play trivial pursuit and iq2000, and the whole class would get into a big fight because they'd want me to be on their team.

but anyway, in other news, i think i figured out some big stuff... so that's good. life stuff. but then again, maybe i'm just on my way to figuring it out... but it is a road to follow down.

I want you to be
Everything to me
Inside my thoughts
And through my life
I want to know your peace

I want you to be
Everythign to me
No rival throne
No equal love
No other to compete
- Starfield, "Everything to Me"

good

last night i went to an even concert, and they were playing the new starfield cd before the show opened... so today i went and bought it. i'd highly recommend it to anyone looking for some new music to add to their collection. : )

I've been chasing after emptiness
Trying to tidy up this mess
And I swear I've been down this road before
I wanna get back to where it all began
When I would long for only You
- Starfield, "Can I Stay Here Forever"

february theory

welcome to february everybody, it's nice to be here with you.

february theory (it's nice to be loved) is what i would call my debut cd, if i had one, if i could sing as well as i do in my head. maybe i'll just burn a cd with love songs on it instead and call it february theory. if i had a cd burner.

it's nice to be loved. it's nice to know that people love you. it's nice to think that people might actually like you back. it's nice to get compliments. it's nice to realize that you mean something to people. and it's great to tell other people that they mean something to you. and february is a great time to tell them that.

"Don't be somebody's slogan, because you are poetry."
- Sandra Bullock, in 28 Days