tonight

tonight i did a lot... usually i just stay home and do nothing it seems. i always feel like i've done so much more when i have hung out with people than just hanging out by myself. i suppose it's the extrovert within me.

i went to the library, read some magazines, chatted with a few people, went to "revelation" (it's a game show-type thing that happens here every couple of months where they have professors, sort of like celebrity jeopardy, they answer questions and the money goes to charity), watched ER with my roommates, went and dropped off some goodies for a friend whose birthday was today, went to my old dorm and visited my roommate from last year, came back, watched the end of gilmore girls with my roommates, then a bunch of us sat in maria's room and talked about our life stories, but we each told each others so that was kind of interesting. it's neat to realize what your friends know about you and what they consider to be significant factors of your life. we also talked about what we look for in potential husbands, which i always find to be fascinating... because for so many people it is physically based and i think this is really interesting, especially in a Christian context. why are we such an esthetically centred people? is it because of our fallen nature? or is it because of our media-saturated culture? or is it because of both factors, or something totally different?

tomorrow i need to review my positional paper because my exit interview is coming up on monday at 11:30am. it's a 45-minute interview with two professors about clarifying my beliefs and what i want to do in the future. not something i'm looking forward to, i'll be nervous.

What is it about this dance
The sweetness of our romance
That makes me feel this way

These are the echoes of Eden
Reflections of what we were created for
Hints of the passion and freedom
That waits on the other side of Heaven's door
- Steven Curtis Chapman, "Echoes of Eden"

aged

i feel very old today. well, not very old probably according to some standards, depending upon what yours are... but today i feel 25. i don't want to feel 25, by that age in life i sort of feel one should know more than i do and be more grown up and mature and have a handle on where they want to go and how they are going to get there, be in a relationship of some sort (dating, engagement, marriage), and somehow comprehend this world a little bit more.

i have i have three months and 6 days to accomplish this. then i will feel i have a right to be 25.

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I, I will be here
- Steven Curtis Chapman, "I Will Be Here

mmm...

i'd just like to say that mortadella and provolone sandwiches with black pepper are the best... top of my favourite foods list. no, really, i'm serious. you should try it. on a nice crusty bun. believe me. the best. better even than jason's big reds.

michelle's no agenda day

today is my no agenda day. i figure i need one, i've been going full speed since january 2nd.

so, i am doing nothing that i don't want to do. i have no agenda. i'm surfing the web. catching up on blogs i haven't read in awhile. cleaning out my inbox. then, i figure, i'll have more room for good quality emails. and, while i'm at it cleaning it out, i'm getting back to people whom i can only guess have been anxiously waiting by their computers for my reply. ; )

and, we are getting another roommate... that will bring us up to seven females in one house. is this any different than dorm??? i think it'll be okay, hopefully.

suzanne moves in this sunday.

update

thanks for your comments guys, they are encouraging. i love it that community is created here on this thing we call the internet. it's amazing to have connections to people all over the world whom we would not otherwise get to know in any other setting.

got 32 pages of yearbook done last night by 10:30, only two days over our deadline but they should make it to the printers in time. only four pages left to do at the end of the month. usually i like yearbook to last as long as possible because i love doing the layout and design... but this year i'm really looking forward to it being over.

the new steven curtis chapman cd "all about love" came out yesterday so i went and bought it. good lyrics. and, cool idea, there are golden tickets in them... i won two free tickets to a show in minneapolis feb 28th. the likelihood of me going is pretty much non-existent, but hey, never say never. : )

should go and get on with life and do something like make lunch. have a great day everyone.

This is a moment made for worshipping
'Cause this moment I'm alive
This is a moment I was made to sing
- Steven Curtis Chapman, "Moment Made for Worshipping"

discouragement

i've been really discouraged lately... things haven't been going as i want them too and i keep seeing a side of me that i don't want to see, and i certainly don't want other people to see. i don't want to be grumpy and selfish.

but i do want the yearbook to be done. we keep having computer problems and printer problems.

and there is too much for two little people to do.

i just want to listen to live lullabies

We are bruised and broken masterpieces
But we did not paint ourselves
And where will I find You?
-Switchfoot, "Economy of Mercy"


Do me a favor
Would you tell me when to let go?
'Cause I think I'm holding on

Tell me tomorrow has come
With open arms
If you say it's time to move on
Then I'll stop holding on
If you stay that it's time for moving on
Time for moving on
- Switchfoot

a purple sky...

lovely day, except for the wind and the bitter cold. there is a fresh blanket of deep snow that covers everything and makes the world look all clean and new. and i love biking on fresh powder snow... the best mountain biking occurs in the snow.

i have been worrying a lot lately about the summer, what i should do and where i should go. but i was reading one of those little page-a-day devotionals today and it was all about living for today... "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. today's trouble is enough for today." sometimes i forget to trust the Lord. but hey, if anyone would like to hire me, i'm available to work may 1 to the beginning of september. : ) i'm an experienced youth intern, camp program director, librarian, arts and crafts instructor, seamstress, waitress, cook's help, hotel room cleaner, camp counsellor, etc. i'm pretty versatile. i'm open to suggestions. : )

lovely sunset tonight, the sky was all cloudy like winter often makes it, and it was a lovely shade of pink that faded to a beautiful deep lavender. now it's a wonderfully clear night with lots of stars and constellations.

A purple sky to close the day...
A lightning flash, my pounding heart
A breaching whale, a shooting star
Give testimony that You are
And my soul wells up with hallelujahs
- Chris Rice, "Hallelujahs"

go now... go

joanne bought the complete my so called life series on dvd yesterday, and borrowed a dvd player... so in the last 24 hours we've had a m.s.c.l. marathon going on at our house. need to go to bed... too much tv.

i can remember seeing one or two episodes when it was actually originally on tv, and thinking it was dumb when it got cancelled. i think it was a pretty revolutionary show for it's time and still is pretty relevant today. it captures adolescence, although a tad dated, a lot of it still pertains to today. and, being that i was in high school in '94, i get a good chuckle out of the clothes we used to wear. i just hope i wasn't that shallow. i probably was. wouldn't it be neat to be able to meet yourself as you were in high school?

"Are you... Brain?"
- Jordan Catalano

on a jet plane

flights to toronto are $298CDN. i want to go.

just for a few days.

over

class got done at noon.
went to moose jaw.
bought groceries.
bought deodorant.
got a lamb stuffed animal for my dad (he's a sheep farmer).
feel like sleeping.
need to clean my room.
must work on yearbook.

counselling

so i have been in a counselling class all week, and tonight i was working on yearbook. someone called on the phone.

good evening. student development. how can i help you?
hello.
good evening.
i am looking for someone to talk to
okay.

hello?
i'm just looking for someone to talk to.


... his name was shawn. pray for him.

going to...

just got back not too long ago, i would recommend maid in manhattan, very good fairytale-ish movie... unfortunately they have sex in the middle of it which is always disappointing. it would be such a totally good movie if they didn't, if they didn't give into their desires and waited and just didn't do what society expects. ugh! why do we give in to the lies of hollywood?

i love the whole magicalness of seeing a movie in the theatre, eating the popcorn that tastes like the inside of old gym shoes, the comfy chairs, the wiggly big huge screen, hearing the comments of fellow movie watchers, etc. etc. i remember in high school having a guest speaker in youth group who was a friend of my youth pastor's, he was supposed to talk about sex i think but ended up talking about relationships. i remember he said that a movie would be a bad date because you can't talk and it's so focused on the screen and not the person... but i think a movie is a totally good date. a) you share the whole movie theatre experience. b) i'm a total movie talker/commenter (but only very very quietly and usually only when the movie theatre is pretty empty) and i don't care if other people do it quietly. c) going out afterwards and talking is the best part, so fun. people see movies differently and it's neat to discuss what they saw and what you saw. yeah, so hey, if you ever want to take me out on a date, i'd love to see a movie with you. that would be fun.

got back and danced in joanne's room to her corny music (garth brooks), i have really taken to dancing lately... i am sure i look hilarious, i have no idea how to dance.

class is going well, i have a few quotes from my notes to publish... but not tonight.

am struggling with what to do this summer. i have a few options and don't know which to choose. i don't want to choose, i just want to know. i'm struggling between being pushed away and whether to accept it or to pursue further, and being pursued and whether or not to embrace it or push it away.

and i'd just like to mention... it's currently -31C outside (-24F), but really -44C (-42F) with the windchill (i.e. because of the wind it feels like -44C).

i'd like to go on a road trip.

On a lonely day
I look out on the freeway
I can fantasize
'Bout the car I drive
Don't need the light on
I can find my way
It's been so long
Now I have to say

I'm going to California
Gonna live the life
- Wave, "California"

confession

i'm going to the movies tonight, to see maid in manhattan. my confession is that i have only been to see movies in theatres a handful of times, truthfully, i could probably count the number of movies i've seen in the theatre on my ten fingers.

"in subway, in golden"

a certain anonymous friend of mine has a true-life story how she left college one april certain she'd never see her former crush ever again as he had just graduated, and then, in the middle of no where on her way home, she saw him at a subway restaurant.

so today when i said, "oh well, what does it matter, i'll never see him again anyways," she cried "in subway, in golden!"

this makes me nervous...

oh dear

today i was doing some reading for class tomorrow ("counselling adolescents and their families") and was reading some interesting stuff about anxiety and panic attacks. i don't have panic attacks thankfully, but i have had some pretty severe anxiety in the past couple of years and still get it every once in awhile. anyway, the book i was reading said that thyroid disorders can cause you to have anxiety-like symptoms. this i found fascinating, as someone with Grave's Disease, because i've never had a doctor ever tell me this. so technically i don't get or have anxiety, i just have symptoms of my thyroid disorder that mimic anxiety. interesting.

so let me not
forget to tremble
- Nichole Nordeman, "Tremble"

casuplty laze yjpbs sxs

the title of this entry is actually the subject line of an email i just got, from a mysterious lucile greenberg. i don't know anyone named lucile, and i don't speak whatever language she does..... except maybe in my sleep.

: )

it's cold

did nothing today but mope around, phone my mom, mope around, shower, mope around, eat, bake cookies, mope around, deliver cookies, mope around, play around on the internet, send an email, mope around, eat, knit, mope around, watch a movie (MIB... um... i did not like that movie), knit, mope around, play around on internet, mope around.

it's cold outside.

Bright are the stars that shine
In somebody else's sky
Green is the grass that grows
Someplace different
- Nichole Nordeman, "Home"

question

am i allowed to get rid of the banner that is at the top of my page? is that against blogger's rules? i can't figure it out. i do have that little blogger link at the bottom of my right sidebar. does that count enough?

about a boy

well kids, as you can see, i did indeed survive the writing of my positional paper and have emerged hopefully unscathed and perhaps might go on to live a normal life. i am feeling pretty good about it except for one section i really should have expanded on but i didn't, but hey, my interview will give me a chance to do that i am sure. so between now and february 23rd i really need to brush up on my knowledge and convictions about believer's baptism and the Lord's Supper.

i'm thinking of perhaps getting a free webpage somewhere so i can have some other pages, other than just a blog, but we'll see… then i could post it for you.

tonight i went with kiko and joanne to moose jaw for a quick trip in to moose jaw to get a few things, develop film, stop in at tim horton's (if you've never had a timmy's iced cap you do not have any idea of the goodness you are missing), and to rent a movie.

i had two films developed, one from mostly Christmas break with my family on my old camera, a kodak point and shoot (which served me faithfully for many years but it was time to move on), and the other from my new camera, my first roll developed from my pentax mz-6. and lovely pictures i must say, i am going to have a lot of fun with this camera. perhaps if i get that aforementioned web page i can post some for you. my faves are a picture of our dog jenny at home, and one of our donkey norah. and, there are also some good ones of trees in the forest on my parents' farm from over a couple of days where there was a lot of hoar frost.

and, my first first of the new year (a "first" is when you do something for the very very first time ever) i rented a movie. yes, it's true, i, michelle, had never rented a movie in my life. so, tonight, i became the proud holder (well… maybe saying "proud" is a bit of a stretch) of a roger's video card and rented about a boy. i'd have to say it's not your typical movie, but i thought it pretty interesting and enjoyed it… had some very good quotes (i love good movie quotes that you can pull out of nowhere in conversation, and people think you're brilliantly smart when you can recite the quote and what movie it's from). and, i just have a couple of questions… a) is it common in Britain to meals a lot around low square coffee tables, and b) how does hugh grant look like that when he's 42?

Later, a friend of maria's came over whom i know casually, and i realized that i really miss hanging out with people my own age or older, it's something i haven't had for awhile. i went to college a bit late (art school when I was 19, then I started Bible college when I was 20), so pretty much everyone was always younger than me. most of my friends are two or three years younger than me. but some conversations you can only have with people who are older or who've actually experienced things you only talk about.

blessing and letting grow. blessing and letting go.

I believe that there's more to life
than just what I see
And I believe that I can still fly
With these broken wings
- LaRue, "Fly"

quick update

i am done.

i have completed the biggest 9-page paper of my entire academic career.

my graduation hangs in the balance.

i have my exit interview february 3 at 11:30-12:15. this is the moment all potential bachelor of arts graduates at bbc dread... defending their doctrinal position in front of two professors. it is not uncommon to cry. i am certain i will get a conditional pass. the professor i wanted to do it with had no spots left... so i signed up for one i have had before and one that is just new this year that i don't know at all, i think i've seen him maybe twice (you sign up for a time slot and the professors' names are written beside it).

i will survive.

bubble

i am sitting in my room wrapped in a lovely bubblegum pink wool cabled sweater (unfortunately not my own) writing writing writing.

home stretch

less than 24 hours left until tomorrow...

i am busy writing my positional paper.

still lots to finish.

learning much.

faded...

i really do not remember weather this cold before, all this week it has been absolutely freezing... like freezing cold beyond belief. when i checked before it was sunny and -21C, or -4F. i can remember it being -35C before when i was younger, but i don't remember it feeling this cold. i've taken to biking everywhere as it seems a bit faster, but the sound of bicycle tires on packed sastrugi is almost unbearable, worse, i'd even venture to say, than the sound of finger nails on a chalkboard.

had a somewhat good day, went and worked on yearbook this afternoon. we got our proofs to check from our last submission. unfortunately, some of the pictures are messed up and the lovely blue colour that we picked for a background on a lot of the pages doesn't do well with black type (you pretty much can't read it at all), so it is going to cost us a lot to change that all. and, we have a ton of work to do before the 27th when we have another major deadline. unfortunately, i also have class all next week so i won't be much up for working any time except the evenings... and as layout editor most of the main work is up to me to get done once the photographs have been taken. but, after this deadline we only have four pages left and that always makes me sad, yearbook is such a major part of my year and i have a lot of fun doing it.

i made supper for our whole house today (i have five roommates, holly, joanne, tamara, rachel, and maria)... i made a lovely chinese buffet sort of a meal: rice, chow mein, garlic beef, sweet and sour pork, shrimp chips, and stir fried vegetables. mmmmmm.... i didn't know how to make sweet and sour pork so i just fried some cut up pork roast and then got a recipe off the internet for the sauce and altered it and added some stuff and pineapple, and it turned out absolutely delicious.

got a lot of research done for my positional paper (due on friday) so that is good, now i just mostly have to pull it all together and write it. other than an hour and a half in the yearbook office tomorrow afternoon, i plan to hole myself up in my room and write write write. that's the plan. whether or not it actually happens could be another story. but i'm hoping i can get at it. i have an ailment i like to call chronic procrastinationitis.

after i went to the library for a bit tonight i watched old school videos with some of my roommates (our college makes a video each year of highlights and people and stuff) and so that was fun... seeing old people not seen for awhile and remembering things we once did and how things used to be.

did some thinking about relationships. relationships past. relationships over. in particular a relationship that never really existed that people just can't let go of.




i wonder how things will turn out in the end.

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
- John Mayer, "Love Song for No One"

"i'm not what you're after"

days like today i am so very thankful for good friends.

days like today wrought with feeling, not emotion, just feeling.

And you say, come on
I'm not what you're after
But I know you're not just anyone, anyone
- Caedmon's Call, "What You Want"

camelot

who goes to sinclair community college? i'm just wondering.

snow

woke up this morning to lots of snow, probably 6 more inches of it, so everything looks pretty and all clean. snow has a tendency to do that. : )

got lots of fun stuff in the mail today... a new chequebook and cheques from my bank, a letter from my mom and a cd i forgot at Christmas (ginny owens), a camp application for this summer, and a letter from my Gramma with a ziploc bag full of sage (a green leafy herb)... and i opened it in the library and later i realized it probably looked a lot like something else.... lovely in a Bible college library.

funny funny stuff.

one last thing

made a fun supper tonight, chopped up chicken cooked with a bit of onion, cayenne pepper, chili powder, cumin, and black pepper, then added some green pepper, celery, canned tomatoes, and rice, fried it all up, and put it in tortilla wraps. i've never made anything remotely mexican, and it actually turned out tasting fabulous, so that was lovely. and, i invited kaia and leanne over and had some good chats so that was fun. and, i have discovered this year i love cooking and i love entertaining. for so long i thought i was an introvert but i have come to realize, especially this year, that i am extremely extroverted. i love people. i don’t like being alone.

this morning's sermon was on 1 Peter 3:1-7 and what submission really is, awesome sermon. good teaching.

went over to my old dorm tonight and watched serendipity with a bunch of girls. i love that movie, but i wouldn't want that to happen to me… yes, i mean i do want to find someone i think is absolutely wonderful, but i wouldn't want to have to break someone else's heart to realize it. i fear that a lot, breaking someone's heart.

sorry you have to read about it again… every day i think "gee, i've got to stop this," but i thought about marriage a lot today. everywhere i turn there seem to be reminders. i want to know who i'm going to marry. i want to know that i'll have a home. i want to know that it'll work out. i wish i could just be content with where I'm at right now, being single, finishing my schooling, without so much concern about the future. i wish i could quit wondering. quit worrying. be content in the moment. be happy. yes, i am enjoying this year for the most part, learning, doing assignments, hanging out, meeting new people, being creative. but, my heart is, for the most part, somewhere else… but i'm not exactly sure where that elsewhere is. it's not in the future because i don't know what the future is bringing.

i read yesterday, "The highest will of God is revealed when people are doing, right now, what pleases God the most." (Parrott, Les. "Helping the Stuggling Adolescent," Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2000, page 168). I pray that I'm doing God's will, by being here, but studying His Word and seeking to obey His commands. God, help me to understand that Your plan is perfect.

patience is what i'm seeking.

the one thing i want
to be here with you
it's the only thing i want
a place to call home

i'm headed west with boston's dreams upon my chest
with helen's sea before me
life is still shy of meaningless
and hide and seek is played
when love is blind and i am lame
but will that blindness hide…

the one thing i want
to be here with you
it's the only thing i want
a place to call home
- Sweetsalt, "one last thing"

blatant promotion

i would just like to suggest that if you like jazz you check out my friend sarah's cd. and the price is in canadian $$, so if you're american you get a steal of a deal! ($1 US=$1.65 CDN).

today's subtitle

sorry i have nothing thrilling or particularly interesting to write about these days... keeping busy with homework and hanging out. i'm an extrovert, which i think is just super most of the time, but sometimes does get me into trouble... back in my dorm days i would know everyone in the dorm and would visit way way too much. i think this is the first year that i don't know everyone in the college's name. but, being in seminary (grad school) i really don't do all the collegey things anymore so that's my excuse.

had a good afternoon in the library reading my aforementioned textbook (see last post) and visiting. the text is for my class january 20-24, Counselling Adolescents and Their Families (all of our classes pretty much run in modular format, so they are a week long each. but, we have pre-course and post-course reading and assignments galore so we keep busy. it is sounding like a good class and there won't be just youth ministry majors in the class which i always enjoy, and i am hoping that there is not too much overlap from other classes that i have taken. i love my youth ministry classes but i find that there is so much overlap amongst them all.

my other classes this semester will be march 3-7, Screening Scripture: The Bible in Film and Video, and march 24-28, Programming Strategies for Youth and Family Ministry. after that, i amazingly only have three classes and my MRRP (ministry related research project, similar to a thesis) left to do and i will have my M.A. i still find this incredibly odd, what am i doing here almost having a masters degree? it is something that i never planned on doing but sometimes God takes us down paths that we never expected. but hey, He knows what He's doing even if i don't have a clue, and i think that that is very very cool.

You pick me up, I let You down
Sooner or later I come around
I'm looking at the road You plow...

Show me love and show me life
Let me live in Your Good light
Take my hands, renew my mind...

You've got me moving
You'll lead me there I know
You've got me moving
- Corey Doak, "Static"

homework day...

hopefully today shall be a great homework day and i'll get lots done... i plan to finish reading this book. and maybe work on my positional paper. i seem to be avoiding it... procrastination is one of my "gifts"! ; )

so Holly and I went grocery shopping like we normally do, like most normal people do, and we happened to be in the produce section getting apples and snapped a nice photo for future scrapbooking purposes... and less than twenty seconds later the following communication interchange took place:

SuperStoreManagerLady: hello ladies, how are you doing shopping today?

Me: um... good, thanks.

SuperStoreManagerLady: Good to hear. Is it true that you have been taking some pictures?

Me: uh... yes.

SSML May I ask of what?

Me: Um... Holly putting apples in a bag...

SSML: And, may I ask what for?

Holly: For her scrapbook.

SSML: Are you sure?

Us: Yes! We're sure.

Me: Yeah, we know what we're doing.

SSML: Yes, because it's against SuperStore policy for any photographs to be taken because then our display ideas may be copied at stores elsewhere, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah so we would appreciate it if you did not take any more photographs.

Us: umm..... okay. sure. yeah. alrighty then.

Yes, strange SuperStoreManagerLady, we were planning to steal your display ideas. Yes, it's true, we are secretly billionaire grocery store developers in our early twenties who plan to develop numerous new grocery stores in the Moose Jaw area although there are already too many, and we are going to take away all your business by secretly taking photographs of your apple pile so that we can copy it in our store. Yes, yes, that's what we were doing. and we secretly planted spy cams all over your store while we were at it so that we can continue to spy on you. And, just for good measure, in the future, all of your shoppers will be secret undercover shoppers, not legitimate citizens coming to pump their cash into your store so that somewhere a gazillionaire can make more money off of unsuspecting people trying to save money forced to buy grocery bags because you don't give them out and forced to bag their own groceries because you're too cheap to hire unemployed 16-year-olds to bag them for your customers.

one great day

"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."
- Proverbs 2:1-5

I had a good day today… worked on homework, worked on yearbook, did a little bit of knitting (I love knitting, and anything you make with your hands basically. I love being creative. It brings me much joy), made sugar cookies with my new cookie cutters from Christmas, made supper (stir fried chicken and vegetables, mmmmm), went to the library for a bit, went to the dorm and visited for a bit, rode around on a bicycle (although not too much, the roads are pure ice and I'm too afraid of wiping out!), and then just got back and now it's already midnight.

And in the midst of it all I talked to my good friend Carolyn from camp last summer for a good hour which was much fun. I miss her.

And it got me to thinking… I am so looking forward to the day when I have a solid home of my own and when I no longer have to worry about what I'm going to do for the summer and the next school year and where I'm going to store my stuff for the summer… and the day when I get to unpack my stuff and know that I'm not going to be packing it up again in two or four or eight months…

I am excited for the day that I'll be sitting in my kitchen or at my desk or on my bed and will be able to think… this is it, this is my home. This is where my husband and my children and me live. This is where we choose to spend our days. That is going to be one great day.

And all the world will be right,
And we'll feel so full and alive
In His wonder and His light,
And we will never be the same,
For I know we all will be changed,
And we will surely say,
This is the very best of days,
This is the very best,
The very best of days.
- Geoff Moore and the Distance, "Best Days"

Godliness

a few days ago i was having a conversation with a friend about what attracts us to people. i said for me, one of the biggest things is Godliness... striving to know God more.

but what indicates Godliness, she asked. she pointed out to me that change is one of the biggest indicators of Godliness. when we can see that someone is changing, when we can see that they are actually changing old habits for new ones, changing old patterns for new ones, that is when we know someone is authentically striving onward in the quest for Godliness and knowing God more.

i pray that in me, people may see this. i hope that people can see that i am changing. that people can see i am not who i once was. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17).

lately i've been reading Les Parrot's book, Helping the Struggling Adolescent for my upcoming class in a week and a half, and it of course points out that the major task of adolescence is the search, or quest for identity. as Christians, our identity is found in Christ. in Him we find guidance. He has a perfect plan for us.

how wonderful it is to know God's love.

There is no greater love than this,
There is not greater gift that can ever be given
To be willing to die so another might live
- Steven Curtis Chapman, "No Greater Love"

to you

i just wanted to say thank you to those of you who take the time to read my blog, whether frequently or infrequently. it humbles me to think that people i don't even know "in the real world" take the time to read my random thoughts and often random incoherentness.

and, especially thank you to those of you who take the time to add your comments. i love them. and they have been especially encouraging as of late.

thank you

maybe

But maybe I missed the nose right on my face
For what's just past it
And maybe I have the gift that everyone speaks so
highly of
Funny how nobody wants it
- Caedmon's Call, "Can't Lose You"

chocolate lab

perspective. sometimes we need to see things from another angle. "michelle, just go back to your perfect little life..." through someone else's eyes... is my life perfect? this is the weirdest thing that anyone has said to me in a long time. gosh, how could someone say that? i'm at a loss to fathom it. i am not perfect. but i should be more thankful for what i have and where i am. maybe i should make a new year's resolution.

In my dreams I see visions of the future
But today we have today...
I'm lost without You here...
- Switchfoot, "The Economy of Mercy"

contemplation

this afternoon jodi and i are driving to regina, about an hour away, to pick up holly from the airport. should be fun, we're going out for supper, which we don't often do, so that should be lovely. we plan to make a very large and probably rather embarassing poster to welcome her back to saskatchewan : )

these next few days i plan to get a major chunk of my positional paper done, you'll be hearing more about it in the days to come i am sure. basically, it is a hugely major paper that you have to write to get your b.a., all about your beliefs and goals and plans and what you've learned through four years here. technically i should have my b.a. already since i'm doing graduate studies already, but long story short i don't and i'm getting it in april... tres exciting. (tres means "very" in french, it's pronounced "tray" i tend to use it a lot, i'm not sure why...hmm...)

anyway, that's what i'm up to today. have a super day everyone. right now, i'm off to the academic building to check my student box and also to the post office to check my mailbox. hey, if anyone wants to send me something cool in the mail, i'm up for it. : )

You're softer than a cannon blast
But your effects much longer last
- Caedmon's Call, "What You Want"

i have homemade brownies cooking in the oven...

fighter jets

this morning, while contemplating getting up from the lovely warmth of the comfort of my bed, the sound barrier above our little town was broken by a jetplane flying very very very close by. this is something i haven't heard in many a year and always sends a shiver through me.

on my net friend sara's blog, she asked the question, "what would you like to see happen during this year?" my response? "i would like to see world conflicts resolved without war."

this morning in chapel we sang "Jesus, you are my King," and the though occured to me that Jesus sees no borders. why do we have borders today? is it because of our fallen-ness? as Christians, Jesus is our King. He is our ruler. so for us, should not borders and country loyalties be even more obscure?

i used to be very "canada is the best country in the world... my country is better than yours." but then i lived in another country and it struck me that these thoughts really shouldn't be. why are we so focused on our own countries? we carry such pride that we are canadian or american, when for most of us it is simply by accident of birth.

living in these countries gives us many rights and priviledges. it also, on the other hand, limits our lives. we, as individuals are forced into war along with the other citizens of the countries we call home and and those we call enemies.

When I'm a world away from peace
Behind Your eyes is where I know
I'll find it, I'll find it
'Cause who You are defines my dreams
- Switchfoot, "You Already Take Me There"

engaged

nope, not me. golly, you would know if i had a boyfriend. : )

tonight i went and hung out with my friend jodi who had just gotten back from montana for Christmas, and we were in the dorm and the first girl we see, is of course, freshly engaged. and then later we hear about two others. and we see a girl who just got married over Christmas break too.

but, i should be used to it. this sort of stuff happens every year. one year my roommate got engaged over fall break even (that was cool). but, it still always surprises me.

am i jealous? hmm... i don't think so. i know my time will come. and my engagement story will be better than theirs because it'll be mine. but this environment is just an extra-good one for it to happen in: lots of girls scream, you have lots of friends to oodle your ring, teachers pray for you in class.

but, alas, i am pretty much resigned to the fact that it will never happen to me here.

They're all dying for a change
But me
I'm dying for some action
But these days Sunday seems so far away
So until then I'm gonna sit right here
And here I'll stay
- Caedmon's Call, "Dance"

"and You have made for me"

i am sitting in my room of my house at school, after enjoying the luxuriousness of sleeping in my beautiful bed, checking up on email and blogs and gazing out the window at a beautiful view of the white snow-covered ground, and gray trees covered with frost against a solid white sky.

winter is amazing.

and it's good to be home.

More possibilities
More than You offered me
More than I care to see
From a distance.
- Nichole Nordeman, "Home"

little joys

ever notice how sometimes the littlest things can bring such joy?

my new mouse is quite fabulous, has no ball to clean and get all cloggy and annoying, and plus... when you turn it over it has a red light. coooooool. : )

arrival

please excuse my absence, i was unavoidably detained in edmonton, alberta.

thursday i took the bus to edmonton to meet up with my housemate rachel (she lives in my basement) and then the next day drive to school. but, another girl was to fly in that night from alaska who would be driving with us. and, for those of you who don't know, juneau alaska has been very foggy lately, and thursday no flights got off the ground. so, she did not arrive until friday evening, a full 24 hours late. so, friday i spent with rachel taking in whyte avenue in edmonton (a little touristy-type street with lots of shops), had some pizza from the funky pickle, had deep fried ice cream at julio's barrio, went to ikea (bought nothing but had much fun discussing different rooms and greens and took some fun pictures), met rachel's family, and watched thelma and louise (first time for both of us. my comments... odd movie). so, yeah, it was an unexpected fun day.

so, today we left edmonton at 9:30 am and arrived at school and our lovely little house (which we missed dearly) at 7:30pm. nice drive. good conversation. snow covered prairie. chats of husbands and goals and dreams.

got home. looked in empty fridge. talked to joanne who arrived just before us. unpacked (well... a little bit. most will be left until tomorrow). did laundry. checked email. empty inboxes (junkmail does not count!). checked school mail. um, one email in that. not sure what to think. pitter patter.

holding on to Jesus. trusting i won't break down.


exhausted. going to bed. more thoughts tomorrow.

leaving

i am supposed to be leaving sometime tomorrow on the bus for edmonton... Christmas break is officially over for me and i am returning to school, although i don't actually have any classes until the 22nd i think it is...

there are not a lot of things that i hate, but packing is definitely one of them.

and leaving people.

and seeing people leave.

and saying good bye.

and not saying good bye when someone actually does leave.

and wondering when (and if) you will ever see them again.


Parting is such sweet sorrow.
- William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet"

happy new year 2003