incognito

so i really haven't been posting much because it's been "operation invisible michelle" for the past 30 hours or so... but i'll be back tomorrow.

:)

composure

do you ever just sit in front of a "compose email" screen and not know what to write even though you've composed it a million times in your head?

autumnleaf

somehow, autumn has snuck up on me this year, and i'm suddenly not so sure that it's my favourite season anymore.

but then again, it could just be this season of life i'm in.

prayer

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.

- via Sonafide

email reflections

i love email. i love how sometimes you hear from people you never thought you'd hear from, or people you haven't heard from in a long time, or people you hear from every day. it's always a surprise when you open up your inbox. like Christmas morning, but whenever you want.

remember what life was like before email? barely. seems so long ago. i've had email for 6 years already. but back in teh day, hardly anyone i knew had an email address.

oh the wonders of technology. what's next?

so, yeah

So I have been spending the last week and a half seriously working on my class for this next week, Romans: Studies in Righteousness. Most of it has been reading and preparing presentations.

Except my presentations aren't really done yet. And my reading isn't done yet (reading takes me forever if it's theological usually).

So I just made the executive decision to drop the class. I'm hoping that if I phone Monday morning and tell them that that I won't have to pay the no-show fee ($125) and instead will just have to pay the drop fee of $50. Plus I already paid $45 for the textbook. So, $95 for a class I didn't take, lost forever.

I don't really have $95 to spare, but I think it's my only option. There's no way I can get all of the work done before 9AM Monday.

I've never dropped a seminary class before. I dropped two college ones, but I didn't feel bad about dropping those at all, they weren't very important to me. I thought that Romans was going to be interesting. I am sure it would have been. Super deep, but interesting.

So, I feel kind of crummy for not succeeding, but I think I'll be okay.

today
(random thoughts)

i came to the library to print out what i have so far for my presentation on monday (5 minutes on "The Letter to Jerusalem" by Jacob Jervell from a book called "The Romans Debate"... it's all about how Paul wrote Romans to ask the Roman congregation for their prayers when he went to Jerusalem to give the congregation there the money he had collected from the Gentile Christians *note: I am impressed that I actually know what it's about!)...

anyways, I would also like to point out that I actually do have a printer that holly sold me for ten bucks when she left school last year, but i can't get it to work. something to do with USB ports and drivers and all that stuff. maybe i'll figure it out eventually, but not now. i'm too busy. too much homework still to do.

so, i should technically get back to my house and work some more on homework... maybe (well, actually hopefully) get this presentation done so i can get on to the next assignment. i plan to be back once in the evening to check my email again.

and sometime this afternoon, i'm going to work on project mail-a-thon. i can't wait.

the lure

My fear is that love will never be real for me. That the prospect of true love is only a fairy tale sold to me by books and magazines and products that I lap up like the eager consumer that I am, hoping that someday the idea will be a real experience for me like it is for others.

My fear is that the day with the white dress that the magazines promise every little girl will someday come for them too is only a mirage, an image I cherish within my deepest desires, a vision I hold dear that will never actually see truth.

My fear is that those who tell me he's out there somewhere are really just trying to console me for now so I will not despair in the moment and will instead keep hope. In essence though, truly, they really do not know any more surely that I do what the future holds.

My fear is that the reality that any one man could honestly care for me more than he cares for himself, or want to share his life with me is just a hope built on a foundation that does not actually exist.

My fear is that somehow my past and my present and who I am makes me unlovable, undesirable, and unwanted.

My fear is that something of me gives off this strange mysterious glow to others that tells them who I really am, a me that I do not know.

My fear is that the reality of sharing my life with someone else, of having a family and raising it together, is and always will be for me an unfulfilled dream, and should be in all respects a fairytale written down and bound as a book on my shelf.

My fear is that I cannot trust God fully to have everything under control. My fear is that I try to hold on to things that I should loose my grip on, things really that He can take better care of, much better care of, than I.

the random blog project

go to a random blog. tell me what you got. leave a comment there too. publish this on your site if you'd like to.

january

so, i need to find a job in january. i need to live somewhere too. these are my options so far:

1. move to ontario. live with my friend carolyn and her parents. get some sort of cruddy job for 5 months, work at camp for the summer. advantage: ontario is cool, carolyn is super cool, most of my camp friends live there, lots of my old school friends live there. disadvantage: no good jobs probably. high rent and cost of living i would expect. ackward relationship.

2. stay here. attempt to get some sort of cruddy job for 5 months. advantage: living quarters taken care of already. cool roomdawgs. all my school friends are here. cheap rent. disadvantage: job market not very big. would end up with a cruddy job for sure. wouldn't make much money.

3. move to moose jaw. attempt to get some sort of job for 5 months. go to camp in the summer. advantage: my school friends are not too far away. moose jaw isn't that bad... i think. disadvantage: it's moose jaw. i don't really know too many people in town. not really a great option.

4. move home. waitress or work at the plant for 5 months. go to camp for the summer. advantage: dirt cheap rent. my cats are cool. disadvantage: middle of nowhere. no one my age around. i'm too old to move home. it would just be... well, cruddy.

5. move to kitchener. attempt to get some sort of crap job for 5 months. go to camp for the summer. advantage: get to live with holly. disadvantage: holly says kitchener is cruddy. those weren't her exact words, but that's what she meant. :)

so... i'm hoping for some better options.

ryan's one question for me was "How come you haven't come and moved to Seattle yet?" which, you know, sounds cool and all, except i'm not american so it would be a hard thing to do. i could of course, in january, come and be a bum in seattle, or, i ask you ryan, do you know anyone who'd hire an illegal alien? because i've never been an illegal alien before. and they always say to try everything at least once. ;)

hindsight

i really like that word.

and i wonder what my hindsight will be later of this particular point of my life. should be... interesting. i wish i knew now though what i will know then.

i'd have to say that these past two months have been the most emotionally tumultuous months of my life. is that good or bad? hmm... i think good, certainly not always fun, but i am definitely learning much.

i think.

hopefully. that would suck big time if i wasn't.

quote

"Still feelings somewhat out of place."

- from jenner's blog thing.

project mail-a-thon

i have decided to start a live internet/real life project. i call this project mail-a-thon quite simply because i cannot think of a better name for it, and i think it'll stick. it's catchy, huh?

this is a project that, on a global scale, could bring much happiness to many mailboxes. while "real mail" is more expensive that e-mail, it is, for the most part, infinitely cooler. and, seriously, a stamp doesn't cost that much.

so, to participate, this is what you need to do:

1. leave a comment saying something to the effect that "wow, this sounds neato. i want to participate!"

2. email me your snail mail address, to michellejohnston at briercrest dot com. this is an essential part of the plan, don't forget it.

3. i will mail you something cool within one week of recieving your address. this cool thing will be a surprise. the object of the mail-a-thon is to send happiness. yes, happiness. how cool. you will also, at this time (within one week), also mail me some happiness. i would like that. i like mail. i like happiness

4. when you recieve your happiness in the mail, you must post an entry on your blog that reports your happiness, has a link-back to http://mikao.blogspot.com, and post these instructions.

5. you will mail happiness to others who request that you do so via your blog.

but, you may still be left with one question... how exactly do i mail someone happiness? well dears, that is going to have to be something you figure out. i am guessing it will be distinctive to each person.

cool, huh?

we're #1!

so, i'm the number one search find when you type in "mikao" on google. i want to get one of those big spongy #1 hands that people have at sports games, but in a distinctive mikao's world colour.

totally

"you know, i've never been asked out. not once. not one measly time. and that sucks. cause i might not have said yes to the guy, but at least i could relish the fact i'd at least been asked out"

- via michaela's site

i so don't feel like buying anything here

dear store management:

so tonight i went to the jaw (which is caronport slang for moose jaw), to go shopping/out for supper with my roomdawg (which is camp slang for roommate) jodi, and that was cool.

except pretty much everywhere, especially your grocery store, and the one down the street, is decorated for halloween.

a) it's still september.

b) a shiny jewel encrusted shell in the apple display does not make me want to buy apples.

c) two large plastic skeltons hanging by the deli do not make me want to buy deli meats in the slightest. in fact, i find it quite revolting.

d) now, a pumpkin here and there, i can handle that. but a RIP tombstone at every checkout? come on, that is going a bit overboard.

sincerely,

mikao's world management

on the other side

so, struggling through mountains of homework these past few days, being ever so glad i did not choose many Bible or theology-based classes, i have come to a conclusion:

i don't really want to be here. right now.

i am feeling as though my life is stagnant, i'm just waiting it out until my real life begins (or the next stage begins). i'm just here taking classes because i'm waiting for someone else to figure things out... and this just happens to be where i'm waiting out that time.

but, i'm also 99% positive that this is the wrong conclusion.

obviously i'm here for a reason, or reasons, and i don't think it's just the one i mentioned above. i'm tired of school. i'm tired of being here in saskatchewan (and i never thought i'd say that).

so, yeah.

question

if you could ask me anything, what would you ask me?

remember?

do you remember orbitz? this review is funny.

where am i?

reading and writing. romans twice. a 500+ page commentary. a 200 page book on the literary structure of romans. and today, an essay that theorizes that paul's purpose in writing the book of romans was because he wanted to ask for the prayers and support of the roman congregation as he went to jerusalem to give the congregation there the money he had collected from the gentile christians.

relationships

so i pulled out the plumb tonight, for the first time in awhile. and the older stuff, not the new cd.

i like plumb a lot.

I'm sick, I'm tired
I can't sleep 'cause I'm so wired
I don't know if I can take this
I don't know how to love you

Tick tock inside
tossing, turning, I feel blind
Sun is up, the rain pours in
Another day of no end

Tiptoe, bend, break
Cold night air, I start to shake
My eye's red, my tongue is dry
These long nights are never kind."

life... live

so today the thought occured to me, "what do i need my masters for anyways?" as if i even care if i finish it. does it really matter? will i actually even ever get a job in my field? why don't i just drop out and start my "real life" and move somewhere cool and get a job and stuff.

do i really need to finish?

what am i doing here anyways... what is the logic behind little old me getting a masters degree? i'm not really sure how i ended up here in the first place, other than, you know, God.

archives

i checked out the status page like ian recommended. it says that they're working on the problem. that's good.

archiving

is anyone else with blogger having problems with their archives? i thought it was just me, but then rachel said something about it too. i tried republishing my entire site, and it said it did it successfully, but i'm still having errors when i try to access stuff from the summer (which i'm guessing is from the new dano blogger system installed in may).

argggg.

anniversary
more thoughts on a year of blogging

it's interesting to look back on a year of blogging and see where my life has been and wonder where it's going. ryan went back in april and read some of my archives and left the comment "Te he he, it's fun to read these beginning comments... Whoda thunk in a few months you'd get so many visitors and regular readers?"

which, is true. i never thought i would be up to 7153 hits, or get regular comments, or meet so many cool people. i love the interaction i'm able to have with other people via their blogs and mine, and i love it that some of you i even get to talk to via email or msn messenger (i love msn messenger, by the way).

i love it that some of you invest in my life.

and so i say thank you for being a part of my past year, and making it a great one.

i look forward to the next one.

annonymity

the post, since you asked, the other day, was about how i'm no longer as anonymous on the web as i once was... people who see me in real life know that my blog exists. this has happened before, and i didn't care quite so much, but... sometimes i'd prefer not everyone read what i have to say.

i was going to link to a post i made earlier this month about something i wanted to talk about here... but my archives have been disappearing on me so i can't. this concerns me on many levels... i like my archives.

but anyways, back to what i was going to say...

yes, this is my online journal, so is it really logical of me to expect any privacy? anyone who wants to could find this. it does somewhat concern me that people i know or see every day could be reading this on a regular basis. i like being anonymous to my readers. not anonymous in the fact that you don't know my name, but anonymous in the fact that you don't see me every day walking down the same halls as you. i love my school, and i think it's neat that sometimes people elsewhere find this blog while looking for a blog of someone who attends said school, because my writing, does in some ways, give you a bit of a glimpse into what life is like for a student here. but, something makes me want to quote that stacey orrico song "don't look at me".

is that bad? i'm not sure. should i not be wishing for more anonymity? should i be more open about the fact that i publish my thoughts to the world?

i don't mind that you're reading them. in fact, i hope, that in some way, you may be encouraged by them and find some sort of commonality with me. it is often humbling to me to think that you would think my thoughts worthy of reading. especially my regular readers with whom i have no or little contact.

i think i mostly have this problem with judgement. i worry about other people judging me. which isn't really a good or proper fear to have. i need to let it go.

post script: this entry really doesn't sound like i want it to. i may have more to say later. i think i'm just still... ihhhh. does that make sense? probably not.

more to come.

bonne anniversaire

today is my blog's one year anniversary. my first post wasn't very interesting!

"let's see how long i keep this up."

all the hype

i recently read wild at heart, by john eldredge, and asked for comments on it because i really wasn't sure what to think of it once i finished it. i had heard a lot of hype about it and nothing bad. but hype, i tend to think, isn't always the best thing to go on.

jenn said, "I think it is one of the most beautiful books I've ever read. and, i would have to say, there is much that is beautiful about it. i would put up some quotes... but this computer won't read the A drive.... so i can't.

christopher gave me this link (the permalink doesn't work... scroll down to 9/18/03 "wild at heart controversy").

rus talks about another hyped-up book, the purpose driven life, by rick warren, here.

i started reading the sacred romance, by brent curtis and john eldredge, but i'm not too sure i'll finish reading it.

ummm...

i seriously think i'm going to vomit.

annonymity. i miss it.

surrender, be patient, help strengthen

"...give yourselve to God, as those who have been brought from death to life, and surrender your whole being to him to be used for righteous purposes."
- Romans 6:13b, TEV

"But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."
- Romans 8:25 TEV

"Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times."
- Romans 12:12 TEV

"So then we must always aim at those things that bring peace and that help strengthen one another."
- Romans 14:19 TEV

Interview

Thanks to Jake for my questions.

1) If given the choice where would you most like to do ministry? Why?

Hmm… I think if you asked me that question, right now, which you did… well, I would say in Ontario.

I really have nothing concrete to tie me anywhere geographically, my family doesn't live where I grew up any more (I've never lived where they live so I don't know anyone there), I have been at school in Saskatchewan for almost 5 years but my friends here are transient so they wouldn’t be around long, and I have lived somewhere different every summer for all my summers while doing my post secondary schooling, except for the past two summers, which I spent in Ontario (my other summers were spent in Illinois, the Yukon, Maine, and Alberta).

I choose Ontario because I like the people I have met there and I miss them. Of course, something ministry does is give you new contacts, new friends. But I hate starting from scratch. I like meeting new people, but in the context of already knowing some.

When I did my internship in Illinois (I was a youth intern at a church) I went there knowing literallyno one. I had spoken to the youth pastor I was going to be working with only a couple of times on the phone and via email for a few months. I wouldn’t do that again. The job I took in the Yukon, working at a restaurant in the middle of nowhere, also involved me going and not knowing anyone, as did the job in Maine (working at a private girls’ camp).

I like knowing people and having established contacts. I’m a people person. For me, the past two summers have helped me realize that I’m not an introvert (despite always being told I was one!).

Well, that was a long answer. I think the proper answer would be wherever Christ leads me. I think too much in terms of "safety net."

2) What made you want to begin to blog?

The first blog I ever saw was kathleen's, in May 2002 I think. Then in September last year I found a few more and eventually started my own.

I always wanted to journal, but keeping a paper journal never lasted long for me. I like the internet, and typing, so typing online made logical sense.

I love the community aspect of blogging. I love reading what other people have to say, and also leaving comments and recieving them. I love the interactive community feel of blogging. I think that's what keeps me going at it.

3) What has been the biggest difference or change for you from college to graduate school?

That's easy.... the lack of a daily schedule. All of my classes are modular format, which mean they only last a week, 9-5 every day. And each semester I only take three classes, so really I'm only in class for three out of twelve weeks. The rest of the time is technically for homework (there are pre-course assignments due the first day of class, and post-course assignments due two months after the class is over). And, while there are people who do do homework 9-5 every week day they are not in class, I'm not one of those people.

I do try to get things done. But I'm not going to spend forever on them, I'm not that committed to my studies.

4) When did you first know that God existed? and (borrowing a question from Jen at Meditatio) what was your most powerful spiritual experience?

To the first question, I don't have any recollection of that. I can remember attending church with my older sister when I was about 3 or 4 years old, and I can also remember going to Vacation Bible School around the same time with her and a friend of ours.

I went through a time of doubt that God existed in junior high, and went to a youth retreat in grade 8 (eighth grade for you Americans!, age 13 for everyone else), coming to realize that in fact God truly did exist.

And, what was my most powerful spiritual experience? I think I would probably have to say being silenced by God at a worship service I was once at. I don't remember when it was, sometime in the last year or two.

5) When you lived in the United States did you notice many cultural differences between the US and Canada?

The first time I lived in the U.S. I was in Maine, working at a private girls' summer camp for 9 weeks. I was 21. The majority of the staff was from overseas, so we didn't really interact with many Americans our age.

The second time I lived in the U.S. was summer 2001 when I worked as a youth intern in Illinois for 3 months. Someone I worked with always asked me if there were any major cultural differences and I could never really think of anything at the time!

However, specific to the part of Illinois I was in, and the Western Canadian culture I have grown up in, I would say that the following things are the major cultural differences I noticed:
- the US has a higher emphasis on excelling in sports at the high school level. Canadians don't, for the most part, get scholarships for playing sports.
- Americans tend to have less of a knowledge of other countries/customs/cultures than Canadians, and don't care about it at all really.
- you Americans don't know the wonders of donuts like we Canadians do. Tim Horton's is seriously the best donut chain, hands down! Krispy Kreme, Dunkin' Donuts, etc... they aren't really that great. The city I lived in in Illinois only had one bakery, no donut shops. It was a tragic situation to be in. ;)
- Interstates. We don't have Interstates. Some of the 400-series highways in Ontario remind me of Interstates, but they aren't really the same thing.
- Toll-Roads. We only have one in Canada. Your eastern states have them everywhere!
- Our Smarties are better than your "smarties".
- Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate and Nutty Bars... we don't have those. I have been thinking about starting an importing business that imports them into Canada.
- You guys are also missing out on the fact that you don't have ketchup flavoured potato chips. No, they don't really taste like ketchup! but you can't really describe the flavour. they're good. especially Old Dutch brand.

Hmmm..... that's all I can think of. Canada and the US are similar in many ways. We mostly speak the same language. We mostly watch the same television shows.

It's mostly just colder up here.

***
The Interview Meme
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions — each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal or blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

rich

i thought this was interesting. apparently, i'm the 899,331,620 richest person on earth. i am in the top 14.98% richest people in the world.

satellite

so today the weather is gorgeous, even after i went to all the effort to find my navy cool turtleneck (yes, i did say cool, my turtleneck is cool and not geeky like the average turtleneck) because i thought it would be cool outside.

so, what am i doing here cooped up in the library? i'm not exactly sure. i think mostly iw as hoping for an email. but i didn't get one. rats. i need my life to stop revolving around electronic communication, or lack thereof, and instead have real life conversations. if only the second party was favourable to any type of conversation.

so last night i saw a satellite in the sky, and also a very bright thing that i think must have been a planet of som sort, and lots and lots of stars. i missed lots of stars all summer. but the night of the blackout was cool because there were many.

i like long walks under a star filled sky filled with conversation.

but last night, it was just me.

new look

so i'm seriously thinking about getting a new template. something cleaner. less colour. more modern looking. more vibrant. wider.

but the time... i should be doing homework.

hbs

so i'm at the library, and i had some stuff i wanted to post on disk, but i forgot it at my house... and it's a long cold walk back there so... yeah. you're just getting random head thoughts.

i did some internet chugging, unfortunately not on a computer with msn messenger, although i would like to talk to people. i was actually trying to find the email address of a youth pastor i used to work with, but was unsuccessful at finding it. i did however find his home address, which is the same as it always was, so i guess i'll have to drop him a real letter instead of just an email. i did however manage to find some pictures of some of the kids i used to work with at that youth group on a ministry team this summer, so that was pretty neat. :)

my house is empty. it's a lot different living with just two others instead of 6 or 7 others. i miss always having someone around. tonight i phoned joanne (one of my housemates from last year) and my friend erin, who was here a few years ago but now lives in calgary. it is weird that after being here so long (five years this december), this year i know the least amount of people i think... but all of them have moved away mostly and gotten on with their lives.

as for me, what will i be up to come january when i'm finally done my schooling? i try not to freak out about this. i try to just leave it in God's hands. but that's tough. i'd rather know than not know.

"1There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
- 1 John 4:18

the beauty

i read wild at heart, by john eldredge today.

has anyone else read it? what did you think of it?

homework

so there i was, in the library, looking up the books that i could potentially do my 15 minute oral presentation for Romans class in two weeks. and these aren't just any books, these are intense, wordy, theological books. so, little old me had to pick one to read and try to comprehend. hopefully someone else hasn't picked it yet, i emailed the prof to ask if someone had. to boot, we also have to do a 5 minute presentation on an essay out of another book, and so i picked the one that sounded least complicated to me, and hopefully no one has picked that yet...

so, other than that stuff to work on, i also have a ton of other homework to do to get ready for that class. hopefully i don't perish from sheer exhaustion and complications from too much intellectualizing.

new word

because i'm a big fan of new words... and because i love this, i'm posting it. it's from tara leigh cobble's site, whom i found through michaela's site. i am posting it in full because neither of them have permalinks. and, because this is my personal soapbox, i am going to say this to all of you bloggers who don't have them: go get yourself some permalinks!!! thank you.

now, without further adieu:

"Friendationship: (n) frin-DAY-shun-ship
A male-female relationship, which has exceeded the normal level of friendship, but has not yet acquired official "relationship" status; a phenomenon that is prominent in the Post-Joshua-Harris era; often occurs pre-DTR; i.e. "Greg doesn't want to date Sally, because he's not sure if she's The One, but it's obvious to everyone that they are in a friendationship." Synonym: "Just Friends"; Antonym: "Friends With Benefits".

I invented this word a few years ago, because I sensed a great need for it. My friends and I have used it frequently in everyday conversation, and they have recently encouraged me to release it to the world. It hasn't been entered into the dictionary yet, but I figure that if enough of us start using it, those days can't be too far off. As a matter of fact, "bling-bling" was just added to the Oxford English Dictionary. I'm not even kidding. I heard that they credited some rapper with it. So, let's just all operate on the safe side here and make sure you credit me when you use the word "friendationship". Then I'll be rich enough to have some bling-bling of my own someday.

Friendationships are a confusing thing. First of all, I haven't come up with an official word for what it's called when you "hang out" with the person you're in a friendationship with (is it a "frate", an abbreviation of "friend-date"?). Furthermore, what do you call that person? Until now, I've just referred to the person as "your friendationship" (instead of "your girlfriend", "your boyfriend", or "the person you are always with but won't admit that you like"), but I'm not sure if I like that either. If you think of anything better, let me know.

I'm not going to go into any details about my personal experiences with friendationships; but I will tell you that I think they are the best new trend in dating (or non-dating, whichever you prefer). And as a matter of fact, the best "relationships" that I've had have been friendationships. I fully endorse them. They're also fun to witness...

Two friends of mine, whom I will call "Adam" and "Eve", have just recently admitted to each other that their friendship is, in fact, a friendationship. I've been telling Eve this for six months. Everyone else knew it, too... Adam just finally admitted it to himself. I feel so relieved. So… maybe they will get married someday. Or maybe it will all end weirdly, and none of our friends will feel comfortable hanging out with each other anymore. But that's the beauty of the friendationship... total uncertainty, total lack of commitment.

To find out if you are currently in a friendationship, take this simple quiz:

1. Have you ever read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris? (yes)(no)
2. After reading the book, did you burn it? (yes)(no)

*disclaimer: Joshua Harris is actually a friend of mine, and I have personally read everything he has ever written, including his private journals, which he keeps in his hall closet. Josh, I mean you no harm, and I think you and Shannon are amazing. Have a nice day, and please don't hate me… this is all in good fun. (P.S. Can you make the word "friendationship" hugely popular?)"

conversation

last night, joy of all joys, i ended up on a computer with msn messenger. i love msn. i love talking to people online. especially people i know IRL (in real life), or have a somewhat knowledgeable and interactive and reciprocated relationship with online. these are people i hope i get to meet someday.

but, alas, here I am tonight not on a computer with msn. there are only a couple here in this cruddy computer lab. so, i've sent a bunch of emails to people i haven't talked to in a long time hoping to catch up, surfed around checking out blogs, etc... random internet chugging. "internet chugging" is a term i just made up, it refers to one not really surfing, because it is done with a purpose, but in a defined time limit. does that make sense?

and earlier tonight, i tried phoning a bunch of people that i have not talked to in a long time hoping to catch up, and only my good friend and ex-roomate heather was home, but talking to her made my day. we, of all things, talked about boys and how frustrating they are and how we need men who take initiative and aren't afraid of us.

i don't understand it, anyways, and i will point it out to all of you in internet land. why can't guys just talk to me like i'm normal. well, i guess by the generic term "guys" i actually mean guys who like me. why do they have to be afraid of me. i don't get it. it doesn't make sense. especially with guys whom i like back.

i'm not scary! i'm normal! (well, at least i like to think i am... no one has ever told me otherwise, at least, not seriously). just talk to me. i don't bite.

ah, i just don't get it.

thoughts

finding this tonight has made me happy. i missed coqui on the net.

"like walking in the rain"

it's raining outside. it's raining a lot outside.

this morning when i walked to chapel with rachel i said to her, "gee, it looks like it could snow. like, i mean today." but she said "don't be silly." so i said, "welp, it did happen to snow on my birthday this year. and it also snowed two weeks later on may 18th too."

but, thankfully, it is only raining. and not snowing.

i love raining. it's always raining in mikao's world. there used to be this music group in the early 90s called the party that had a song called "walking in the rain" that i loved. and apparently some group called the ronettes also sang it, or so the web tells me.

this song, and rainy days, always make me think of my husband and how much i can't wait to walk with him, on rainy days, and sunny days too.

I want him, and I need him,
And someday someway wooo I'll meet him
He'll be kind of shy, and real good lookin' too
And I'll be certain he's my guy by the things he'll like to do...

Like walking in the rain (like walking in the rain)
And wishing on the stars (and wishing on the stars) up above
And being so in love

He'll never leave me

"I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in His hands
He knows my name
He knows my every though
He sees each tear that falls
And hears me when I call

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go"

- He Knows My Name, by Tommy Walker

as if

that's all i have to say.

go here

holly now has comments. she's cool. you may remember her from such great adventures as this.

go. comment. go now. she'd be thrilled.

analysis

from kabalarians

"Your first name of Michelle has made you a hard worker with a meticulous sense of detail. You have a great deal of patience and independence, and you can be relied upon to complete your undertakings. You are stable, trustworthy, homeloving, and logical in practical matters, but rather unresponsive to suggestions from others. You resist change. This name does not give you great ambitions, vision, or imagination. It frustrates the expression of your softer, feminine qualities in that you find it difficult to express the depth of your feelings for those you love. It limits you to practical matters of the day, filling your life with detailed routine. hard work, and monotony."

i am never really sure how accurate these things are... especially with this one being something about mental wisdom and eastern philosophy. where do they get their information from? do they just make it up? couldn't it apply to anyone?

but i will admit... i do have a great deal of patience and independence. i can be relied on to complete my undertakings (that's a funny sentence). i am trustworthy, homeloving, and logical in practical matters. i'm not sure how responsive i am to suggestions from others. i don't know if i resist change.

and i resent the fact that it says i do not have great ambitions, vision, or imagination. and the whole monotony thing.

sometimes i do find it difficult to express the depth of my feelings for those i love... but i don't think it's a big thing. should i be more worried about it? hmm... i think not.

those kabalarians, making me worry.

passing comment

"michelle, just keep being you."

the reason

so, the reasons why i hate the computer lab:

a) it is stinking hot in here. like sweaty hot. like the hotness that you experience in an un-airconditioned car on the interstate on a hot summer's day where you stick to the vinyl seats.

b) there are always too many people in here. and they're not quiet.

c) it's not very private. there are people looking over your shoulders. people stop behind you and read what you're reading or what you're typing. ugh.

d) the lights are really bright. like extremely bright flourescent lights.

e) the walk from my house is really long. and in the winter when it's -25, it will be even farther.

but, hey, there are some good things.

a) it's free.

b) it's high speed.

quick

i will write more later, but i just wanted to say i hate the computer lab.

retreat

i got back yesterday afternoon from the 24 hour spiritual retreat i went on... it was good... read a good book, read the Bible, prayed a lot, and took some awesome pictures to boot. :)

last night's sleepover was fun, only three girls instead of four ended up coming, but that was okay. we ended up making cookies and caramel corn, and putting together a bbq grill (actually, they put it together while i watched), and played a good ol' fashioned straight-from-sixth-grade game of truth, dare, double-dare, promise to repeat.

tonight jodi's having a bunch of people over to watch a movie.

and now, the computer lab is closing so i have to go. it's cold outside, and a long walk home.

vegetation

so as if, my good chum holly is blogging. my first real-life-friend blogger. well, i do know some other bloggers in real life, but they're not really my friends and i don't link them, i just happen to know that they blog (does that make me a stalker?).

anyways, welcome to blogdom holly. you make me chuckle, and i miss living with you too... even though i'm not sure how to take "i miss living in a house of 8 girls, even if they were all annoying."

but, seriously holly, get some comments. :)

peter cottontail

i saw a little brown rabbit on the way to the library tonight, under a lovely sky filled with stars and neat clouds and a
full moon to boot.

i miss having the internet at my house. i have to come to the library to post anything here. so, as a result, i am thinking that you guys are going to get a lot less on here than last year (but a whole lot more than over the summer!). i have to come here and think of what i want to say rather than just say stuff. i have to be so much more intentional at remembering what i want to say as well.

i just printed up a couple of copies of my resume and a couple of cover letters. here's hoping for a job. that would (partially) solve my money issues, give me something to do in the mornings, give me somewhat of a daily schedule, and perhaps give me something to do next semester as well that i could count on.

tomorrow at noon i leave for a 24 hour spiritual retreat in the qu'appelle valley with my class. should be interesting. lots of time for aloneness with God, and a bit of fellowship too. looking forward to learning much, as well as having a night away from the 'port.

this weekend rachel is gone home to visit her family in edmonton, so jodi and i are having a good old fashioned sleepover with some friends from the dorm... we haven't yet decided what we're going to do, but probably a little baking and watch some sort of a movie. saturday will involve a trip to moose jaw for operation birthday shirt (which involves the purchase of a t-shirt for decoration purposes) and some groceries and shampoo and conditioner ("shampoo is betta, it cleans the hair." "no, conditioner is betta, it keeps the hair shiny and smooth.") and other such goodies.

anyways, i've gotta write a couple of emails and then toddle on home. i wish i had a bike. i miss biking. and biking makes the trip so much faster.

unresolved

Has the Bible changed over time?
Can I give him my trust?
Can I give it all to Him?
Why did Jesus have to die?

(part of a class exercise where we were asked what questions are still unresolved to us).

past

Does God really exist?
Does He really hear me?
Can I give Him my trust?
Can I give it all to Him?
Could He really have created all of this?
Did Jesus really walk the earth?
Is the Bible true?
Is the Bible accurate?
Has the Bible changed over time?
Why did Jesus have to die?

(part of a class exercise where we were asked what questions we had struggled with in the past).

no, seriously

i'm exhausted.

back to the books
random info for you

today i started class again... a week straight from 9-4:30 every day. i love learning, but man, will i ever be glad when i'm done classes forever! :)

have been busy these days, the other night there was a free starfield concert, which was, of course, fabulous. yesterday i read and did homework all day. tonight i need to do more homework.

the weather has been hot and very grasshopper-y. although, this afternoon it did rain a bit which was nice. now things should perhaps be a little less brown and more green.

i don't have internet at my house this year... which is cruddy, but cheaper to not have. and the library has it for free. but i can't post at my every whim, and have to make a huge effort to come and check my email. well, not a huge effort, but it's a walk.

i miss msn. i haven't yet figured out how people get on it here in the library... since "they" (the librarians) don't want you to, but i see people on it all the time.

i pass my old house every day. i passed by one night and my old bedroom light was on. it was sad. because i wasn't in it.

i am applying for a couple of jobs. money would be a good thing. a very good thing. because i'm trying to do this semester without any more student loans. so, yeah, you can pray for that if you'd like. or you could just send money. ;)

i should go and wrangle up some supper. i miss the prepared meals of camp life. but i like the variety in my kitchen and my cooking better. :)

new school smell

you know that smell, that smell of new school supplies? like new notebooks that haven't been written in, pencils that haven't been sharpened, and erasers that have yet to be used? i love that smell, and that smell to me says the beginning of september like nothing else.

everyone is here for college and i'm not... i'm here for graduate school once again. everyone gets to go to all the fun and boring and annoying sessions that tell you stuff you already know (if you're an upperclassman) and stuff you worry you'll forget (if you're a freshman).

yesterday and the day before however i did sit at registration pretty much all day getting people to sign up for yearbooks, so i got to meet a lot of new people which was fun. i love meeting people. and last night i went to the official college welcome and upperclassman worship thingy with my two roommates. this afternoon and this morning they've been at orientation stuff. i'm taking a break from reading my textbook. unfortunately the library is closed today and i didn't know it would be, or i would be there reading other books for my class which starts on monday. i have a ton of pre-course reading that won't be done. here's hoping for leniency.

i should go and get back to my house and read some more. and maybe make a few phonecalls. i love it that saturdays mean you can make phone calls in the afternoon and not have to pay long distance charges. :)

summer soundtrack

in no particular order:

Sweet Home Alabama – Sweet Home Alabama Soundtrack
Dare You to Move – Switchfoot (Learning to Breathe)
Learning to Breathe – Switchfoot (Learning to Breathe)
I Want You to Want Me – Letters to Cleo (10 Things I Hate About You Soundtrack)
Meant to Live – Switchfoot (The Beautiful Letdown)
This is Your Life – Switchfoot (The Beautiful Letdown)
24 – Switchfoot (The Beautiful Letdown)
Starspin – downhere (So Much for Substitutes)
On Fire – Switchfoot (The Beautiful Letdown)
The Future Freaks Me Out – Motion City Soundtrack
My Stupid Mouth – John Mayer (Room For Squares)
Love Song for No One – John Mayer (Room For Squares)
Back to You – John Mayer (Room for Squares)
Only Hope – Mandy Moore (Walk to Remember Soundtrack)
Peace – Jennifer Knapp (Lay it Down)
Miss You Like Crazy - The Moffatts
Sadie Hawkins Dance - Relient K
Above All - Rebecca St. James
My Redeemer Lives - worship

the interviews (continued)

Questions for Sarah:

1. For how long have you been journaling? When did you start blogging, and how did you come to name your blog?
2. What was your favourite job?
3. Tell us some things that you love about your hometown, and some things that make it unique from other places.
4. What is one of the hardest lessons that God has taught you?


Questions for Sharon:

1. Tell us about some of the joys of motherhood that you didn’t expect before you had children.
2. When did you become a Christian? What is one of the biggest gifts that God has given you?
3. What has been the hardest thing to deal with since you began loosing your hearing?
4. What is your favourite verse or passage of Scripture and why?
5. If you could go back to any time in your life and live a day over again, what day would that be and why?

remember to publish the interview details, and i'm looking forward to reading both of your answers. :)

hello september

well, i arrived here in saskatchewan on sunday night after the loveliest flight i ever had (the clouds and continual sunset glinting off the great lakes was amazing, with a somewhat chatty seatmate) and a not-so-totally-great 18 hour bus trip (but i did meet some interesting people)... but i am here and have been working on settling in.

me and my two housemates, jodi and rachel, are still working on getting our house in order and that will still take a couple of more days as we stored a bunch of other people's stuff over the summer for them that is still in our house.

and, on to other things, this made me smile... now it's out everywhere that i'm the only one. ;)

when i started this blog i wasn't really sure how much of myself i should reveal... like should i use my real name, state my location, etc. so, for a long time, i did stay very vague. but now, you can pretty much figure out who i am, etc, and recently a lot of people have found this blog by looking up "briercrest blog" or something like that. so it's very likely that people from school, people whom i see daily in every day life (although often have not gotten a chance to meet personally) read this or have read this. if that's you, then welcome to my world. nice to have you here. i hope we get the chance to chat some time. let me know that you've been here. :)

now, i must go and track down my syllabi for upcoming classes and buy a textbook and organize my kitchen. have a super day everyone.