i have noticed this weird phenomenon lately. boys like to casually punch me. is it just me? well, i have not noticed them doing it to anyone else. just yesterday i got three. and the day before two. and the day before that, three again. just a little punch between the elbow and the shoulder. one in the knee too.

so, i inquire of you of the male gender out there, what exactly does this punch mean?????

i made my international theatrical debut this morning as an extra in the college drama chapel. whooohoooo, i did it, even though i was naseous. no, not just public speaking makes me naseous, but public appearances in general. i am trying to force myself to do it more often.

it was actually pretty fun, i was an astonished parishoner in a church scene when an elder had a heart attack, and a gang-type kid smoking listening to some friends talk about the "big game," and i also was a stage hand... i got to turn the black lights on and off and hide behind a little box (a lot harder than i thought it would be).

tamara just left for california for reading week. how come no one ever asks me to come to california?

my blog is insane! don't you love template problems?

i happen to live in the little town and go to the school that hosts Canada's largest Christian youth conference every year, youth quake. last night was YQ Kickoff, which is a big event in the community, everyone piles into the chapel and there is a big skit put on by some of the college and high school students, and we find out what the theme is, who the guests are, and who the bands are, and then we get snacks to hype us up for this big activity at the end of february.

the theme this year is "can you hear Me?" which i think is pretty cool, i will be interested in seeing what they do with it. there isn't a specific theme verse this year which is different, the poster has a whole bunch of hearing/listening-type verses listed. there also isn't a specific skit theme or backdrop theme from a movie or anything which is different (last year was "Lord of the Rings") which is kind of cool. the poster this year is very cool, it's a square that folds out into a cross shape, and comes with a cd-rom... although the cd-roms are stuck in Canada customs in Calgary and we just got to see a little bit last night on the big screens in the chapel.

yesterday at lunch we had a guest which intentionally told me and joanne and holly who the bands were, which totally sucks, because it takes so much out of kickoff when you know... kind of like a kid who knows everything that they're getting for Christmas. i am totally pumped for switchfoot though, probably as excited as i was for downhere last year (check out downhere if you haven't heard them already, they are awesome! i highly recommend "great are You").

so, yeah, i am looking forward to yq. i think last year was the first year i actually enjoyed yq... which was my third yq. the first time i just took in everything, then the second year i wasn't feeling so hot, and then last year i got involved on the "here 4 u crew" which was totally fun (they do security, clean-up, make sure everything's going smoothly, give directions, etc. etc., the backbone that makes everything hold together). this year for my practicum i have to be in charge of something so am excited to discover what that will be. :)

also for yq a friend of mine from camp is coming out, which is sorta cool and sort of weird. i don't know what to say, um, this is ackward.

"everyone's here, everyone's here, everybodys watching you now. everybody waits for you now. what happens next, what happens next? dare you to move, dare you to move, dare you to lift yourself up off the floor. dare you to move, dare you to move, like today never happened, today never happened..."
- switchfoot

welp, i have my computer working somewhat at what it was before, have reinstalled programs, changed the desktop background (very essential of course!), etc. etc. i am, however, missing all my internet bookmarks which is unfortunate... have lost a lot of research for my thesis because of that, a lot of the links were random and i have no idea how i'd find them again. crudbuckets.

not funny, not funny. my computer, for some reason unknown to me, has decided to revert to it's old desktop, the one it had before i owned it, so i have it's previous owner's preferences all up and the programs i installed are not around anymore that i can find... and i had to reinstall my internet provider stuff, and i am not having fun. i have been able to find most of my word files and stuff like that... but everything is not where it should be. this is not good. it will take me a lot of time to fix it all, time which i don't have to spend on something stupid like this.

remember when you were a kid and playing outside in the snow was the best thing ever and you would get all suited up in your ski pants, winterjacket, scarf, mitts, touque, and toddle outside (barely able to move because you were a kid in a snowsuit non-condusive to movement) to play in the snow for what seemed like forever until you were so numb you couldn't feel your cheeks anymore so then you came inside and then your nose would continue running and running forever and your face and hands and toes felt all weird because all of a suddent they were warm?

now i think that we were insane kids... i hate the feeling when you come inside.

got up early this morning to be in a skit for my friend jodi's world views seminar class. i think out of the bazillion classes i took in Bible college, w.v.s. was my favourite. i avoided taking it until last year, my last year of college, because everyone always said it sucked bigtime and i was a little afraid of the professor because everyone always said he was a hard prof. but i loved that class. we covered some really awesome stuff that i hadn't really thought about before... what community is, what community should be, how we get involved in society, marshall mcluhan's (spelling?) "the medium is the message," etc. etc. i thought a lot in that class, it was challenging to me. so often i get bored in classes.

and, the aforementioned man i am in love with did just happen to sit in the row in front of me one seat over so we got to chat every tuesday and thursday at around 1:15 before class started, and often after class was over. my pathetic life.

i got this quote from jason killingsworth's blog, i like it. i don't know him in real life and just stumbled upon his blog by accident, but he has a gift for writing and so i like to visit his blog often.
"In the end it's necessary for me to take stock of the past because the past began teaching me lessons that I'm still working on today, and will be tomorrow. The only thing I need to 'get over' is myself and I've realized that's an ongoing project, like the biblical concept of taking up one's cross. The past can always be put to use."

these two aforeposted songs are the story of my non-existent love life. well, it exists on my side, but i never see it exist on any other level really. i fall for a guy, and believe me, it takes a lot for me to fall for one... and nothing ever happens. i think really there is only one that i have fallen for really hard. i struggle so much with not pursuing. i don't know what the biblical ideal is. i used to think women weren't supposed to pursue at all, the whole joshua harris thing. it was so 'in vogue' for women to not pursue, and now everyone is saying that joshie had it all wrong. but i still don't think it's proper for me to pursue someone. i'm interested to hear some thoughts on this, what do some of you people out there in internet-land think?

i don't want to be stranded.

Have you ever been haunted the way I've been by you?
And have you ever felt the measure of the days that I've spent waiting, pining for you?
I can't see the sun for the daylight.
I can't feel your breath for the wind.
I don't want to step from these shadows, till you're coming back again
I've dammed the emotions, to keep my lanterns lit
I'm shaken by this longing coursing through my veins.
In my mind I can't make sense of it..."
- "The Edge of Water," Jars of Clay

”You know it only breaks my heart, To see you standing in the dark alone, Waiting there for me to come back

I’m too afraid to show

If it’s coming over you, Like it’s coming over me, I’m crashing like a tidal wave, That drags me out to sea, And I wanna be with you, And you wanna be with me, I’m crashing like a tidal wave, And I don’ t wanna be, stranded, stranded, stranded, stranded

I can only take so much, These tears are turning me to rust, I’m too afraid to show

I miss you, I need you
Without you, I’m stranded
I love you so come back”
-“Stranded,” by plumb

i am tired, i should go to bed. but it's so early!

woke up this morning at 10 (ahhhh... sleeping in can never be over-rated!), to a lovely blanket of fresh snow. i love having a cute backyard with trees to look out onto every morning, as opposed to the parking lot and elementary school that were outside my dorm room window my last three years in dorm.

sorted a bunch of papers this afternoon that were in various piles all over my room, lately i've been a tad bit messy but like to be clean! :) i hate dirt. I want to rearrange my room, i'm getting restless with it and have only lived here less than two months. i was thinking about putting my bed so the longer side was agains the wall (twin bed), so it would be more like a couch, but people are always hanging out in my room and i don't want to encourage them to sit on my bed... i have this phobia of people touching my sheets. and i like then to sit on my bed as little as possible. weird huh? i've been thinking about bringing up the turkey dinner chair from the tv room downstairs into my room. we call it the turkey dinner chair because when the guy from the community furniture lending place on campus helped us bring it over, he told us the arms were big enough to put a whole turkey dinner on! it's a comfy chair, once it must have been burgundy but now it's pretty faded. my only concern is that it might have a slight 'old furniture stinkiness' odour of some sort that we don't notice now because it's downstairs in a room full of other old furniture gleamed from various places that have spent their lives in various places to be doomed to retirement in transience between student houses.

my old roommate ashleigh from three years ago phoned this afternoon, odd to think it has been so long since we lived together. we had so much fun together that year! she's married now and has a married life but is still lots of fun, i hope i stay that way after i'm married.

i was going to tell you about my silver box this post but i think i should get off the internet and do something productive so i will leave that for another time. remind me again sometime if i forget, okay? :) have a great day guys.

i like the raindrops... what do you guys think?

today and yesterday there were thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) of birds flying over us here in our little town in the middle of Saskatchewan, a very very cool sight and sound that i love to behold each fall. unfortunately, it also signals the coming of snow and the end of golden trees and autumn winds. but snow itself has it's own beauty. God has a magnificent paintbrush and such creativity, i am so thankful that He has blessed us in this image of Him.

went to the student art show tonight, am sorry i didn't submit anything, but there is always the spring one as well. i think that if i had submitted anything this time it would have been to impress a particular someone, but he ended up impressing me greatly instead.

i got these questions off another blog... thought i'd answer them:

1. If you could only choose 1 cd to ever listen to again, what would it be?
hmm... this is a tough one, because when i get a cd i listen to it over and over and over again for about a month with a couple of one cd breaks in between... and then i don't listen to that cd for a long time again. i think if i could only choose one cd to ever listen to again and it was a ready-made one, it would be jars of clay's self-titled one, but if it was a burned one... gee, what songs would i burn? i'll have to think about this and let you guys know in a later entry.

2. If you could only choose 2 movies to watch ever again, what would they be?
first one would be "a walk to remember"... seen it 9 times, once again last night actually. i'm not sure if i like it because it's a good movie or because a guy told me this summer that i'm just like jamie sullivan (which i think was a compliment! ;) chuckle chuckle).
second one would be i think "wild hearts can't be broken" because it's a classic michelle-movie and i haven't seen it too much, just a few times.

3. If you could only choose 3 books to read ever again, what would they be?
easy one for the first one, the Bible, hello, could any book be more fascinating? second one i think would be a dictionary, because i think that i would never get it read straight-through, and you can always use more words. third one i am not too sure about, should i pick a really really good art book or a novel?

4. If you could only choose 4 things to eat or drink ever again, what would they be?
water (i was always a strange kid, i liked water waaaaaaaay more than juice, and i still do), pizza (not just because it's what everyone else says, but because it tastes good and has all four food groups and is good for you if you make it right), a country chicken deluxe chicken sandwich from a&w (which no longer exists due to the unfortunate return of the chubby chicken... i do not like the chubby chicken! a&w head honchos, if you are reading this perchance, please BRING BACK THE COUNTRY CHICKEN DELUXE! just what you would sell to me would make a small fortune for ya), and one more..... hmmm...... i think lipton chicken noodle soup with crackers mixed in it because it is tasty although a weird shade of toxic yellowy-green (i can remember eating this with my dad when i was 3 or 4 in our first house... good times, good times).

5. If you could only choose 5 people to ever be/talk/associate/whatever with ever again, who would they be?
this is the hardest question, they always put the hardest question last. just like on exams, and of course by the time you get to it then you are pretty much out of time. this question requires a lot of thinking. it has a lot of consequences, well, not real consequences, but if anyone i know in real life (i.e. not internet friends) ever saw this then that would be pretty incriminating. can i refuse to answer this question? i don't see why not, it's my blog! :) chuckle chuckle. (there you go again michelle, running away from commitment).

this morning i got up early and went grocery shopping with cory and this other girl, shelley, that i don't know too well, but she seems pretty fun. i got lots of fun stuff... fun especially when your cupboards were bare... pasta, kraft dinner, pasta sauce, broccoli, carrots, cheese, etc. mmmm.... real food!

went to the bookstore this afternoon to get the newer ginny owens cd... and they didn't have it! :(

did yearbook for about two and a half hours, got the global focus pages pretty much layed out and done perhaps, will probably make some changes later once everyone else has seen them.

"But God's Word is not chained."
2 Timothy 2:9b

last night was lovely, i went for a walk with joanne on pine street which i had never been on before except once a long long time ago, which is weird, because this is a way small town.

i think one of my biggest regrets about college, although something i never had any control over, was the fact that i never had a boyfriend to go on walks with on perfect nights when it was not too cold and the stars or the northern lights were out. sure, you can do this with friends, but it's much more romantic with a boy

spent the whole afternoon in the library today... don't usually do that! worked a bit on my Bible study for class in three weeks, it's on mary. my class is a bunch of youth pastors, and we each take turns leading a study that could be used with youth volunteers, three lessons we can learn from _____. anyone have any good ideas for mary? what can she teach us about being a youth leader?

tonight i practiced with a college group for a class project they are doing, i play a waitress in a skit of theirs and also gave them some tips to make their project better. should be interesting, we do it next monday.

went out with jodi and amanda to the restaurant here today, that was fun. i don't often see amanda so it was nice to have a chat although we really didn't get to get into anything deep. i was thinking yesterday that there are so many awesome women on campus that i used to have good casual friendships with and now i barely if ever see just because we've all moved out of dorm and into houses and so now we don't ever get to spend time together and this i would like to change although there really isn't any arena to change it. i should start inviting random people over for suppers and stuff just to get back into touch with people. if only i had more money to do this nicely.

i am trying to fix this, it keeps only showing the last post...

test post...

"This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world..."
1 John 3, 4a

i added a visitor's map, please sign! ; )

is it antibiblical for a Christian to quit a friendship? i am wondering about this... i have been wondering about it for over a year actually. as you can guess, i have not come to a satisfactory conclusion about the subject, but i don't find i have enough time either to research the dilemma fully either. but i really should make time. i think it is really cruddy when people drop friendships. but sometimes friendships just don't work. could it be that it is better to end them rather than work them out? or is ending them just the easier option? is ending them just giving up on responsibility?

"I will not be condemned, Jesus saves, Jesus came to save me."
-Jennifer Knapp

i am not sure why, but my commenting system has disappeared... hopefully it reappears. this is distressing. one of my favourite things about blogging is getting comments! : )

check out www.nanowrimo.com, i think i might try it, that would be funny. the whole premise is to write a 50 000 word novel in the thirty days of november from scratch. the focus is quantity, not quality, which i don't know if i totally agree with, but i think it would teach you to write instead of always putting it off. 50 000 words, at 250 words a page or so, that's 200 pages, 30 days in november, that's 6.667 pages a day. think i can do it? do i have time? gee, i spend all this time on the internet, i suppose i could spend it still on my computer but not hooked up to the internet. what would i write about? any suggestions?

had a somewhat productive day today... got two spreads done in my scrapbook, i am still working on my summer photos and will be for a long time i think! i finished my first roll of film from the school year the other day, i haven't a clue what is on it anymore! i like scrapbooking, i get to cut out lots of fun stuff. i like using lots of coloured paper and cutting out letters and backgrounds and stuff.

my roommates are annoying me. this is not good. we still have six months left together. they leave the kitchen all disgusting. they never vacuum. they freak out all the time when cooking. they waste a lot of food. they never shut off the lights. they are always clicking the phone when i am on it. they listen to music really loud, weird music, annoying music. they use my computer and take my phone cord without asking (why don't they get their own phone cord if they want one?). they leave their junk all over the place. they never clean up the living room or the family room.

okay, i am done venting. i will learn to live with it. i will quit getting mad. i will more politely suggest they should be cleanlier people. it's best for everyone's health! : )

"Nevertheless, God's solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: 'The Lord knows those who are his,' and, "'Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.'"
- 2 Timothy 2:19

joanne and i just returned from what she called our "covert op, " op as in operation... a.k.a. getting toilet paper from the dorm.

yes, we totally ran out of toilet paper. and we live in a little town. with no stores selling toilet paper. and no immediate way to get into moose jaw. what are four toiletpaper-less girls to do? we did the only thing we could, we stole t.p. from our old dorm residence "LA". yes, we stole toilet paper. the hard crunchy kind that you find in the grossest of gas stations all across Canada and the US. but we had no choice.

we went over at about 11:30pm on a saturday night, so we knew that not too many people would be around. we went and visited my old roommate leanne from last year, so we would have a legitimate excuse to be in the dorm. then jodi and kaia came. and so we chatted it up for a bit. then jodi wanted joanne to see her room. so we went upstairs, and talked with jodi and jodi's roommate jenelle for a bit.

then, finally, at about 1:15am, we escaped. i was the lookout while joanne slipped 6 rolls of t.p. into a garbage bag she had brought with her and we made our escape into the darkness. except tonight's a full moon, so really wasn't that dark. but we made it, no one saw us, that we know of at least. and we were very quiet. we lived in "LA" for four years though, paying $525 a month for room and board... i think that somehow we payed for that toilet paper sometime in our college years.

or am i now a felon? i hope that the rcmp won't come and get me. do you think you can go to jail for grand theft t.p.?

Had a long afternoon finishing the first sixteen pages of the yearbook with Melissa and Robert… actually technically the last sixteen pages of the book, funny how these things work out. I am actually not too disappointed with how they work, a few things I would have changed if it had just been me but you always have to compromise when you work on a team.

I would like to phone some friends in Ontario tonight, but it is unfortunately two hours later there than here in Saskatchewan so I think it’s a tad late now. :( I miss my camp friends from the summer, especially Chums. I still think it’s neat how I didn’t think I would be working at camp this summer and yet that is where I ended up and where God wanted me to be. I had such an awesome summer and learned much, it is so cool how God always has the best in mind for us.

Usually I like the fall the best, the weather is usually so nice, but I think that this year I actually preferred the summer. The autumn leaves are nice, but this summer I love the beautiful green-ness of southern Ontario.

I wonder where I will end up come next May or June. My last four summers have been spent in Ontario, Illinois, the Yukon, and Maine, what is next? :) God, what is next? I am excited to see what You have in store for me!

I however also know that this school year is not just a filler in between summer seasons. I am still struggling to find my place and my purpose here, and I look forward to seeing the year unfurl further.

”You’ve got nail prints on Your hands
You’ve got thorn prints on your brow
I don’t know how You do it
But You’re saving me right now

You’re so good to me
You see right through me
You’re so good to me
Like cool, cool water
If this is life, why can’t I live it?
If there’s a perfect love, then why can’t I give it?

I remember the past,
How I thought it would last
But it’s a bubble off in the sunset
I know that the time keeps passing me by
But You ain’t given up on me just yet
You’ve got healing in Your hands
You’ve got mercy in Your eyes
I don’t know how You do it
But You broke through my disguise

June comes soon, but then it’s gone
So I sit on my lawn, reminisce till dawn
Summetime was fine
But it’s cold outside tonight

June comes soon and the season’s dead
So I shake my head at the things I’ve said
The wind is in my sail
Even though I’m turning pale
I sit and watch my friends wave goodbye
You are deeper than the oceans, higher than the skies
Greater than great, more than I realize
You are bigger than the heavens, sweeter than a kiss
I’m left to bow at Your greatness.”
- “End of Summer,” by Corey Doak

In the top of my closet at the back there is a shiny silver box that rarely sees the light of day. At one time I always traveled with it, but for a time I have not because it just seems to take up precious space and never gets used. Inside this box is a glorious array of pigments and hues, alizarin crimson, aquamarine, burnt umber, sienna. I love my watercolours. Why is it that I have not used them for so long? One of my favourite things is to watch a paintbrush swirl across a page, to see the little pigments in ultramarine separate. I think that so much of painting reminds me of my past that I push it away. Maybe it’s time to embrace the things I have tried so hard to forget and embrace them as memories and experiences learned from.

So often we are asked what would we change if we could go back into the past. I so want to say ‘nothing,’ but that is not true. I have learned from my past and indeed it has made me who I am, but can I really say I would have wanted to go through some things if I had had the choice not to? I do not think today that I could rightly and consciously say yes without lying.

Will the day come when I accept my sad memories and am glad for them? I hope so. But today is not that day.

Well I've never been much for the baring of soul
In the presence of any man

I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure
In the arms of a sinner I am
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand
And like a lamp on a hill
Lord I pray in Your will
To reveal all of You that I can

i am not having a very good day and so here i am on the internet doing pretty much nothing but wandering meaninglessly through sites all over this maze of the internet because my email is down and isn't working and no one is on msn that i would want to talk to and holly and joanne are watching star wars and i don't want to and cory and candice left and went to moose jaw and candice just wanted cory to come and i spent all afternoon in the yearbook office and it was frustrating and i don't like the way the dorm pages are looking and there really isn't anything i can do about it now and no one ever phones me and i came to the realization that i don't really have any good chatting friends anymore that i can tell everything to like i used to with joanne because now she lives with me and i see her all the time and it's just not the same anymore and i miss my camp friends and chums especially and i want to do something fun with someone but everyone is busy and i am bored of being with just me and myself and my imaginary friend.

i never actually had an imaginary friend. do people really have those?

it has been awhile since i've posted... i went to my sister's for Thanksgiving, but came back on Sunday for our Thanksgiving dinner when we somehow fit 16 people into our little dining room, i am not sure exactly where all the chairs came from! : )

we had some snow on the drive to Alberta, but today we had some lovely fall weather and rachel, joanne, and i went on a "nature walk" and took some pictures around town, hopefully they'll turn out.

tonight i've a yearbook work night... so at least 4 hours in a little office with a whole lotta people! despite the fact that we work like crazies and get on each other's nerves and usually all stink by the end of it, these truly are some of my favourite nights.

"And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You
When change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and what's to come
You are autumn."
- "Every Season," Nichole Nordeman

my mom arrived safely, it is nice to have her here. she wants me to go to my sister's with her though for thanksgiving this monday (Canadian Thanksgiving is different than American).

must get to bed for i have class in a mere 8.5 hours from now and i should spend some of it sleeping, but i do have a question for all you random people in blogland... what are you most thankful for today, right now, this moment? i am interested in your answers. : )

another long day... i am tired and should go to bed. i should have done homework tonight, but i didn't... watched a movie with holly and joanne and went to visit leanne in the library. saw the other leanne and lowana for a bit too in the beano.

my mom is coming tomorrow night after class, staying for the night and then driving on to my older sister's on friday morning. it will be interesting. she's only been here to my school once before, and that was for my college grad this spring. all my friends want to see her but she said she doesn't want to meet anyone because she hasn't gotten her hair permed lately! funny mom!

got turned down today for the millionth job i have applied for with the school, i need a job and i need money. am not sure how i will be paying for next semester at all. i have pretty much been offered every job i've ever applied for before in my life, so this sucks.

"turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you."
- maori saying

found these quotes on a random blog on blogger... found them kind of interesting. the blog as a whole was quite vulgar and so i won't post the link, but i thought these were interesting tidbits"

(begin quote) "How much do you honestly know about yourself if you haven't been in a fight? How much do you know about society if you've never rebelled against it? And how much do you know about life if you've never had to save it?

since the begining man has questioned what is my purpose? is it our purpose to die? to serve God? if you know one day your going to die then why go to school why get a job why make money bc once your dead that has no meaning.

"To stand here and try and fix her life is just a big waste of time. People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown."

"This is fish number six hundred and forty-one in a lifetime of goldfish. My parents bought me the first one to teach me about loving and caring for another living breathing creature of God. Six hundred and forty fish later, the only thing I know is everything you love will die. The first time you meet that someone special, you can count on them one day being dead and in the ground."

"We don't have a great war in our generation, or a great depression, but we do, we have a great war of the spirit. We have a great revolution against the culture. The great depression is our lives. We have a spiritual depression."
(end quote)

am having problems with my template... will have to leave them until tomorrow

class today was good... a tad long, but good. we read a really interesting article i thought, for homework last night, thomas a. tweed's "on moving across: translocative religion and the interpreter's position" from the june 2002 journal of the american academy of religion, the title makes it sound way more academic than it actually is. it was all about how we can never, as researchers, exist nowhere or out of nothing having no presuppositions because this just isn't possible. this of course, means that we cannot possibly write without any bias. interesting thought.

i got my introduction back for my research proposal, which i thought i had written quite badly not really knowing what on earth i was doing, but i got a B+ and was quite surprised, a higher mark than anyone in my row. my proposal is going to be on internet ministry... how the Body of Christ and the church (is that the same thing??? i am just wondering now) do not know whether or not to embrace it as a ministry tool because they don't know whether or not it is appropriate... and also whether or not it is appropriate, and to analyze current models of internet ministry for effectiveness.

i am not sure if any of this is making sense, it is late and i have been up since 7am and have been immersed too much in academia today, my brain is frazzled. i need to do something fun. i think i shall put in some good music and drift off to happy dreams. : )

"michelle, you sound so wistfull."
- kaia

i put that in just because i like the word wistfull and i was impressed that kaia used it!

"...'cause this life, that You gave me, i will give it back to You."
- LaRue, in "theory of flight"

i'm in class this week, "research design." it's all about learning how to write a thesis or MMRP (major ministry research paper). we start at 8:30am and go until 5pm... long days for me! i don't know how i ever survived all summer at camp!

tomorrow afternoon we will hopefully get out a little early and i'm going with beth, my homework partner from my youth ministry practicum class, to moose jaw to survey youth about their families. should be interesting.

sometime this week too i need to find time to work on the yearbook. our first deadline is next wednesday (16 pages!) and so far i only have a basic background layout designed so will be doing a lot of late nights next week and possibly some this weekend too. Canadian Thanksgiving is this weekend too so holly, joanne, and i are hoping to have people over for that. not many stay for it though, but we've nowhere to go and are looking forward to cooking our first turkey dinner ourselves! :)

"no, joanne, holly doesn't know what 'manwich' is, she's never lived in a trailer park!"

“…many valuable discoveries are made by accident, or serendipity..”
- Ralph L. Rosnow and Robert Rosenthal

i really liked that movie serendipity, a little cheesy, but so cute. but seven years is so long to wait! i think that's why i liked a walk to remember more.

i have been thinking way too much lately about love and marriage and guys and husbands. it seems everywhere i go though this is what people are talking about. all my friends talk constantly about guys. i went to the dorm and accidentally interupted a conversation about the viability of an undisclosed male as a possible love interest. why do we females do this to ourselves? why is this all we ever talk about?

UGH! i want to focus on becoming the woman God wants me to be. i want to focus on becoming the wife that God means for me to be someday. but how can i do this? it's such a struggle in our broken and complex world.

"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him."
- 1 John 4:16b, 17

tonight is cool, raining a bit. i like walking in the rain, i hope my husband does too.

"...like walking in the rain, and being so in love."
- The Party

so there is this guy that i liked for a really long time, like a year and a half. and all summer i was like, no, i will not like him anymore. and then finally i was like, no, i do not like him anymore. i like him as a person and i still respect him immensely and i really admire him, but i do not like him. and this is what i told people who knew that i had liked him. and i was pretty sure this was true.

so what was up with tonight then?!?!? how come when i think i have things figured out something weird always happens?

"Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next

I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before"
-Switchfoot, "Dare You To Move"

goodnight

holly just got in... she's insane. she went to smitty's with jodi to talk... i think smitty's is gross. a)you stink like cigarette smoke when you spend even 2 minutes there, and b)who wants to eat breakfast at any time of the day? bacon and eggs at midnight, who's idea was that?

a couple of weeks ago the three of us went to regina and we went to chapters and then they wanted to go somewhere to eat and talk and they were like, "hey, let's go to smitty's," and I was like... "uh, let's not." i guess they used to do it their first year two years ago when holly had a boyfriend and they had other friends, but it's not something i ever did. sometimes i think it's weird how our groups of friends change so much year to year. i think i tend to stick pretty much to my constant friends, but they change a bit too because people leave every year which is pretty typical of the college environment i think. i am pretty shy around new people so it takes me awhile to get comfortable and meet new people and make new friends.

it is so interesting to read other people's blogs... i think it's so fascinating this blog phenomenon. we all want to be authors. we all want to share our lives. we all want to be writers. we all want to be noticed. we all want to be the centre of attention. what an interesting people we are.

some people have such depressing lives, and then some people have such cute little perfect lives, i wonder what people think of mine. but then again, i really don't think anyone ever reads this.

which is precisely why i should go to bed... get some sleep, so i can face another day. i like saturdays. a perfect saturday always requires sleeping in. i think i'd like to get married on a friday so i can sleep in on saturday. and i'd like to go to wisconsin for my honeymoon.

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
-Langston Hughes

why is it when we accomplish dreams that we always feel unfulfilled? i think somewhere, deep inside, we always wish for dreams to remain unfulfilled because then they are still dreams and not failed accomplishments, there is still a mystery that enfolds and envelops them.

We know what we are,
but know not we may be.
-William Shakespeare

i am definitely not a shakespeare fan... but i have to admit what william says here does have some truth to it. or then again, does it? do we really know what we are? don't we spend the majority of our lives trying to figure out who we are. adolescence especially, is all about searching for personal identity. we continually try on different hats, searching for who we are, searching to be the person, the manifestation of our self, that others like best. but God knows who we really are, even if we sometimes don't have any idea.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and
wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well
My frame was not hidden from you
wehn i was made in the secret place.
when I was woven together in teh
depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
-Psalm 139:13-16

leave me comments, i like to know that you were here and what you think... and besides, now it's working. :)

had another one of those typical Bible college chats with joanne and tamara about boys... i do not think i would be able to count the number i have had in almost four years of school...i would surely not be able to count that high! chuckle chuckle.

i think the more i think about it though, i am glad that i haven't dated anyone yet. i think back on all the crushes i've had and really none of them were the right guy for me, i don't think that relationships with any of them would have lasted long anyways. i'm thankful that i haven't dated because some day i hope to tell my husband "i waited to date only you," as corny as that sounds. maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't, but i know that God has a perfect plan in all of these. He has saved me much heartache! :)

i am excited to be getting married someday. i look forward to spending the rest of my life someday with just one person. i look forward to meeting him (if i have not yet), and i am excited to see our relationship develop! the waiting is worth it.

I was just thinking about how time flies
And that we're all drfting like clouds in the sky
And You have always been there
And now we have all changed
And it's been one beautiful life

I was just wondering on how to recall
The wonderful memories and how they all fall
Into place, like the smile on your face
Like the kisses and the tears that we've shared
And it's been

It's been one beautiful life
And I know it's tasted its trials
It's been one beautiful life
And I know it's tasted its trials
And it's not over
It's only begun

We've always been different
But never alone
Like one white tulip
That stands on its own
And You will always be here
And we will stay the same
-"One White Tulip" by LaRue

you, dear husband, are worth waiting for.

How I loveYour works,
my God, my King
How I love Your works,
my God, my King

Your name rings on the plains
Like a not so distant train
And love and history are near
In the flowers that You make
The flowers that You make

Because I'll never hold a picture
Of the whole horizon in my view
Because I'll never rip the night in two
It makes me wonder
Who am I, Who am I, who am I
And great are You

How I love Your Word
My God, my King
How I loveYour Word
My God, my King

Your love cuts through
These pages to my heart
As You grieve our sins
Right from the start
And sacrifice and paradise are in
The plans that You made
The plans that You made
- "Great Are You" by downhere

absolutely brilliant northern lights last night ... another perk of living on these beautiful Canadian prairies. show me Your great wonders.