mikao's world

one last thing

made a fun supper tonight, chopped up chicken cooked with a bit of onion, cayenne pepper, chili powder, cumin, and black pepper, then added some green pepper, celery, canned tomatoes, and rice, fried it all up, and put it in tortilla wraps. i've never made anything remotely mexican, and it actually turned out tasting fabulous, so that was lovely. and, i invited kaia and leanne over and had some good chats so that was fun. and, i have discovered this year i love cooking and i love entertaining. for so long i thought i was an introvert but i have come to realize, especially this year, that i am extremely extroverted. i love people. i don’t like being alone.

this morning's sermon was on 1 Peter 3:1-7 and what submission really is, awesome sermon. good teaching.

went over to my old dorm tonight and watched serendipity with a bunch of girls. i love that movie, but i wouldn't want that to happen to me… yes, i mean i do want to find someone i think is absolutely wonderful, but i wouldn't want to have to break someone else's heart to realize it. i fear that a lot, breaking someone's heart.

sorry you have to read about it again… every day i think "gee, i've got to stop this," but i thought about marriage a lot today. everywhere i turn there seem to be reminders. i want to know who i'm going to marry. i want to know that i'll have a home. i want to know that it'll work out. i wish i could just be content with where I'm at right now, being single, finishing my schooling, without so much concern about the future. i wish i could quit wondering. quit worrying. be content in the moment. be happy. yes, i am enjoying this year for the most part, learning, doing assignments, hanging out, meeting new people, being creative. but, my heart is, for the most part, somewhere else… but i'm not exactly sure where that elsewhere is. it's not in the future because i don't know what the future is bringing.

i read yesterday, "The highest will of God is revealed when people are doing, right now, what pleases God the most." (Parrott, Les. "Helping the Stuggling Adolescent," Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2000, page 168). I pray that I'm doing God's will, by being here, but studying His Word and seeking to obey His commands. God, help me to understand that Your plan is perfect.

patience is what i'm seeking.

the one thing i want
to be here with you
it's the only thing i want
a place to call home

i'm headed west with boston's dreams upon my chest
with helen's sea before me
life is still shy of meaningless
and hide and seek is played
when love is blind and i am lame
but will that blindness hide…

the one thing i want
to be here with you
it's the only thing i want
a place to call home
- Sweetsalt, "one last thing"