mikao's world

Some Days

I've been reading Heather Armstrong's website for awhile now. You've probably been by her site at least, if you're not a regular reader. Technorati says her site has 1551 Links from 1427 sources. That makes hers a pretty popular blog. Mikao's World only has 79 Links from 58 Sources. (That always surprises me though, that there are over 50 people who think my blog worthy of linking! How is that possible?).

But, anyways, I have gotten a tad off topic. I have been trying to figure out exactly what it is that makes Heather's site dooce so popular. She lives pretty much an ordinary life. Except she's an ex-Mormon living in Utah. That's pretty un-ordinary I would suspect. Currently she's sharing all that comes along with being a new mother. She's pretty much shattered all of my perceptions of what it's like to be a new mom... which is probably a good thing! I think from reading what she writes, with all of her humour thrown in, I have learned a lot about what new parents go through. Some day, that may come in handy.

Sometimes I wonder what kind of email she must get though, because sometimes her posts are a little over-the-top if you do not understand her sense of humour. But she's raw and vulnerable and shares it like it is.

Blogging, I think, for many, is a coping mechanism. Sometimes you can write out anything on a keyboard and post it and sometimes it makes you feel better. And the community helps as well. I think especially those who keep their blogs secret from those they know in real life use it as a big coping tool. It's neat to think that there are people out there who are not attached to your "real life" who read what you write about and sometimes help you through it.

Sometimes I miss those days, when no one I knew in real life read my blog. I felt like I could write anything. But now I don't think that that was neccessarily healthy.

Some days I wish I had someone in my life that I could tell everything to.

I know that God is listening, but sometimes I wish I had someone physically present to tell everything to.

I've been thinking a lot lately about marriage and how completely intimate it is. I mean, this person knows everything about you and has made the commitment to spend the rest of their life with you, through thick and thin. And what a process it takes to get to that point. A relationship moving towards marriage requires openness and vulnerability and a willingness to communicate the very inner self.

Some days I wonder if I could do that. I want to. But could I really be that vulnerable with someone? Could I really be willing to and make the effort to share with someone else everything that is in me?

I hope so. I talk to God about it.

Maybe some day I'll talk to that person that He has picked out for me about it too.

Some day.