mikao's world

the sculpture, the painting, the sonnet, the song

UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH. i just finished an incredibly long post and then lost it because my computer acted up all funky... but maybe my words weren't what should be said. i don't know.

after a fun day of hanging out today the thought was once again brough to mind that i wish i didn't care so much what other people think of me. i wish i was more carefree with myself. i wish i wasn't afraid to get hurt. i wish i wasn't afraid to love unabashedly.

i want to be a woman known for her tender compassion. i don't naturally express compassion, something i really was not aware of or concerned with until two summers ago when i was a youth ministry intern in illinois. at the end of the summer the youth pastor i was working with told me i had no compassion. i have to admit, i was offended. it's not something you want to hear. i have come to know, since then, however, that it is not that i don't have compassion, i just don't naturally know how to express it. this is something i continue to work on daily and God continues to change in me. thank you Father.

thankfully, he continues to work in me. we're all unfinished pieces of work. we're like that unfinished marble sculpture that the artist continues to pick away at, or the painting that doesn't really look complete, the sonnet not really finished, the song that just doesn't sound right yet and needs more tweeking... because we're God's handiwork and he continues to mold and shape us. let us seek holiness. sometimes the path is rocky and seemingly impassable, uphill both ways, and sometimes it is cobbled or smoothly paven. it's the road that God has created for us, for each of us it's different. i want to be a God follower. i hope that somehow people see Christ in me.

"once i'm gone i cannot look back
i've got to trust this is right
'cause maybe i'm on my way to find you
but maybe i'm gonna make the mistake of my life."
- Caedmon's Call, "Mistake of My Life"