tonight

tonight i did a lot... usually i just stay home and do nothing it seems. i always feel like i've done so much more when i have hung out with people than just hanging out by myself. i suppose it's the extrovert within me.

i went to the library, read some magazines, chatted with a few people, went to "revelation" (it's a game show-type thing that happens here every couple of months where they have professors, sort of like celebrity jeopardy, they answer questions and the money goes to charity), watched ER with my roommates, went and dropped off some goodies for a friend whose birthday was today, went to my old dorm and visited my roommate from last year, came back, watched the end of gilmore girls with my roommates, then a bunch of us sat in maria's room and talked about our life stories, but we each told each others so that was kind of interesting. it's neat to realize what your friends know about you and what they consider to be significant factors of your life. we also talked about what we look for in potential husbands, which i always find to be fascinating... because for so many people it is physically based and i think this is really interesting, especially in a Christian context. why are we such an esthetically centred people? is it because of our fallen nature? or is it because of our media-saturated culture? or is it because of both factors, or something totally different?

tomorrow i need to review my positional paper because my exit interview is coming up on monday at 11:30am. it's a 45-minute interview with two professors about clarifying my beliefs and what i want to do in the future. not something i'm looking forward to, i'll be nervous.

What is it about this dance
The sweetness of our romance
That makes me feel this way

These are the echoes of Eden
Reflections of what we were created for
Hints of the passion and freedom
That waits on the other side of Heaven's door
- Steven Curtis Chapman, "Echoes of Eden"

aged

i feel very old today. well, not very old probably according to some standards, depending upon what yours are... but today i feel 25. i don't want to feel 25, by that age in life i sort of feel one should know more than i do and be more grown up and mature and have a handle on where they want to go and how they are going to get there, be in a relationship of some sort (dating, engagement, marriage), and somehow comprehend this world a little bit more.

i have i have three months and 6 days to accomplish this. then i will feel i have a right to be 25.

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I, I will be here
- Steven Curtis Chapman, "I Will Be Here

mmm...

i'd just like to say that mortadella and provolone sandwiches with black pepper are the best... top of my favourite foods list. no, really, i'm serious. you should try it. on a nice crusty bun. believe me. the best. better even than jason's big reds.

michelle's no agenda day

today is my no agenda day. i figure i need one, i've been going full speed since january 2nd.

so, i am doing nothing that i don't want to do. i have no agenda. i'm surfing the web. catching up on blogs i haven't read in awhile. cleaning out my inbox. then, i figure, i'll have more room for good quality emails. and, while i'm at it cleaning it out, i'm getting back to people whom i can only guess have been anxiously waiting by their computers for my reply. ; )

and, we are getting another roommate... that will bring us up to seven females in one house. is this any different than dorm??? i think it'll be okay, hopefully.

suzanne moves in this sunday.

update

thanks for your comments guys, they are encouraging. i love it that community is created here on this thing we call the internet. it's amazing to have connections to people all over the world whom we would not otherwise get to know in any other setting.

got 32 pages of yearbook done last night by 10:30, only two days over our deadline but they should make it to the printers in time. only four pages left to do at the end of the month. usually i like yearbook to last as long as possible because i love doing the layout and design... but this year i'm really looking forward to it being over.

the new steven curtis chapman cd "all about love" came out yesterday so i went and bought it. good lyrics. and, cool idea, there are golden tickets in them... i won two free tickets to a show in minneapolis feb 28th. the likelihood of me going is pretty much non-existent, but hey, never say never. : )

should go and get on with life and do something like make lunch. have a great day everyone.

This is a moment made for worshipping
'Cause this moment I'm alive
This is a moment I was made to sing
- Steven Curtis Chapman, "Moment Made for Worshipping"

discouragement

i've been really discouraged lately... things haven't been going as i want them too and i keep seeing a side of me that i don't want to see, and i certainly don't want other people to see. i don't want to be grumpy and selfish.

but i do want the yearbook to be done. we keep having computer problems and printer problems.

and there is too much for two little people to do.

i just want to listen to live lullabies

We are bruised and broken masterpieces
But we did not paint ourselves
And where will I find You?
-Switchfoot, "Economy of Mercy"


Do me a favor
Would you tell me when to let go?
'Cause I think I'm holding on

Tell me tomorrow has come
With open arms
If you say it's time to move on
Then I'll stop holding on
If you stay that it's time for moving on
Time for moving on
- Switchfoot

a purple sky...

lovely day, except for the wind and the bitter cold. there is a fresh blanket of deep snow that covers everything and makes the world look all clean and new. and i love biking on fresh powder snow... the best mountain biking occurs in the snow.

i have been worrying a lot lately about the summer, what i should do and where i should go. but i was reading one of those little page-a-day devotionals today and it was all about living for today... "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. today's trouble is enough for today." sometimes i forget to trust the Lord. but hey, if anyone would like to hire me, i'm available to work may 1 to the beginning of september. : ) i'm an experienced youth intern, camp program director, librarian, arts and crafts instructor, seamstress, waitress, cook's help, hotel room cleaner, camp counsellor, etc. i'm pretty versatile. i'm open to suggestions. : )

lovely sunset tonight, the sky was all cloudy like winter often makes it, and it was a lovely shade of pink that faded to a beautiful deep lavender. now it's a wonderfully clear night with lots of stars and constellations.

A purple sky to close the day...
A lightning flash, my pounding heart
A breaching whale, a shooting star
Give testimony that You are
And my soul wells up with hallelujahs
- Chris Rice, "Hallelujahs"

go now... go

joanne bought the complete my so called life series on dvd yesterday, and borrowed a dvd player... so in the last 24 hours we've had a m.s.c.l. marathon going on at our house. need to go to bed... too much tv.

i can remember seeing one or two episodes when it was actually originally on tv, and thinking it was dumb when it got cancelled. i think it was a pretty revolutionary show for it's time and still is pretty relevant today. it captures adolescence, although a tad dated, a lot of it still pertains to today. and, being that i was in high school in '94, i get a good chuckle out of the clothes we used to wear. i just hope i wasn't that shallow. i probably was. wouldn't it be neat to be able to meet yourself as you were in high school?

"Are you... Brain?"
- Jordan Catalano

on a jet plane

flights to toronto are $298CDN. i want to go.

just for a few days.

over

class got done at noon.
went to moose jaw.
bought groceries.
bought deodorant.
got a lamb stuffed animal for my dad (he's a sheep farmer).
feel like sleeping.
need to clean my room.
must work on yearbook.

counselling

so i have been in a counselling class all week, and tonight i was working on yearbook. someone called on the phone.

good evening. student development. how can i help you?
hello.
good evening.
i am looking for someone to talk to
okay.

hello?
i'm just looking for someone to talk to.


... his name was shawn. pray for him.

going to...

just got back not too long ago, i would recommend maid in manhattan, very good fairytale-ish movie... unfortunately they have sex in the middle of it which is always disappointing. it would be such a totally good movie if they didn't, if they didn't give into their desires and waited and just didn't do what society expects. ugh! why do we give in to the lies of hollywood?

i love the whole magicalness of seeing a movie in the theatre, eating the popcorn that tastes like the inside of old gym shoes, the comfy chairs, the wiggly big huge screen, hearing the comments of fellow movie watchers, etc. etc. i remember in high school having a guest speaker in youth group who was a friend of my youth pastor's, he was supposed to talk about sex i think but ended up talking about relationships. i remember he said that a movie would be a bad date because you can't talk and it's so focused on the screen and not the person... but i think a movie is a totally good date. a) you share the whole movie theatre experience. b) i'm a total movie talker/commenter (but only very very quietly and usually only when the movie theatre is pretty empty) and i don't care if other people do it quietly. c) going out afterwards and talking is the best part, so fun. people see movies differently and it's neat to discuss what they saw and what you saw. yeah, so hey, if you ever want to take me out on a date, i'd love to see a movie with you. that would be fun.

got back and danced in joanne's room to her corny music (garth brooks), i have really taken to dancing lately... i am sure i look hilarious, i have no idea how to dance.

class is going well, i have a few quotes from my notes to publish... but not tonight.

am struggling with what to do this summer. i have a few options and don't know which to choose. i don't want to choose, i just want to know. i'm struggling between being pushed away and whether to accept it or to pursue further, and being pursued and whether or not to embrace it or push it away.

and i'd just like to mention... it's currently -31C outside (-24F), but really -44C (-42F) with the windchill (i.e. because of the wind it feels like -44C).

i'd like to go on a road trip.

On a lonely day
I look out on the freeway
I can fantasize
'Bout the car I drive
Don't need the light on
I can find my way
It's been so long
Now I have to say

I'm going to California
Gonna live the life
- Wave, "California"

confession

i'm going to the movies tonight, to see maid in manhattan. my confession is that i have only been to see movies in theatres a handful of times, truthfully, i could probably count the number of movies i've seen in the theatre on my ten fingers.

"in subway, in golden"

a certain anonymous friend of mine has a true-life story how she left college one april certain she'd never see her former crush ever again as he had just graduated, and then, in the middle of no where on her way home, she saw him at a subway restaurant.

so today when i said, "oh well, what does it matter, i'll never see him again anyways," she cried "in subway, in golden!"

this makes me nervous...

oh dear

today i was doing some reading for class tomorrow ("counselling adolescents and their families") and was reading some interesting stuff about anxiety and panic attacks. i don't have panic attacks thankfully, but i have had some pretty severe anxiety in the past couple of years and still get it every once in awhile. anyway, the book i was reading said that thyroid disorders can cause you to have anxiety-like symptoms. this i found fascinating, as someone with Grave's Disease, because i've never had a doctor ever tell me this. so technically i don't get or have anxiety, i just have symptoms of my thyroid disorder that mimic anxiety. interesting.

so let me not
forget to tremble
- Nichole Nordeman, "Tremble"

casuplty laze yjpbs sxs

the title of this entry is actually the subject line of an email i just got, from a mysterious lucile greenberg. i don't know anyone named lucile, and i don't speak whatever language she does..... except maybe in my sleep.

: )

it's cold

did nothing today but mope around, phone my mom, mope around, shower, mope around, eat, bake cookies, mope around, deliver cookies, mope around, play around on the internet, send an email, mope around, eat, knit, mope around, watch a movie (MIB... um... i did not like that movie), knit, mope around, play around on internet, mope around.

it's cold outside.

Bright are the stars that shine
In somebody else's sky
Green is the grass that grows
Someplace different
- Nichole Nordeman, "Home"

question

am i allowed to get rid of the banner that is at the top of my page? is that against blogger's rules? i can't figure it out. i do have that little blogger link at the bottom of my right sidebar. does that count enough?

about a boy

well kids, as you can see, i did indeed survive the writing of my positional paper and have emerged hopefully unscathed and perhaps might go on to live a normal life. i am feeling pretty good about it except for one section i really should have expanded on but i didn't, but hey, my interview will give me a chance to do that i am sure. so between now and february 23rd i really need to brush up on my knowledge and convictions about believer's baptism and the Lord's Supper.

i'm thinking of perhaps getting a free webpage somewhere so i can have some other pages, other than just a blog, but we'll see… then i could post it for you.

tonight i went with kiko and joanne to moose jaw for a quick trip in to moose jaw to get a few things, develop film, stop in at tim horton's (if you've never had a timmy's iced cap you do not have any idea of the goodness you are missing), and to rent a movie.

i had two films developed, one from mostly Christmas break with my family on my old camera, a kodak point and shoot (which served me faithfully for many years but it was time to move on), and the other from my new camera, my first roll developed from my pentax mz-6. and lovely pictures i must say, i am going to have a lot of fun with this camera. perhaps if i get that aforementioned web page i can post some for you. my faves are a picture of our dog jenny at home, and one of our donkey norah. and, there are also some good ones of trees in the forest on my parents' farm from over a couple of days where there was a lot of hoar frost.

and, my first first of the new year (a "first" is when you do something for the very very first time ever) i rented a movie. yes, it's true, i, michelle, had never rented a movie in my life. so, tonight, i became the proud holder (well… maybe saying "proud" is a bit of a stretch) of a roger's video card and rented about a boy. i'd have to say it's not your typical movie, but i thought it pretty interesting and enjoyed it… had some very good quotes (i love good movie quotes that you can pull out of nowhere in conversation, and people think you're brilliantly smart when you can recite the quote and what movie it's from). and, i just have a couple of questions… a) is it common in Britain to meals a lot around low square coffee tables, and b) how does hugh grant look like that when he's 42?

Later, a friend of maria's came over whom i know casually, and i realized that i really miss hanging out with people my own age or older, it's something i haven't had for awhile. i went to college a bit late (art school when I was 19, then I started Bible college when I was 20), so pretty much everyone was always younger than me. most of my friends are two or three years younger than me. but some conversations you can only have with people who are older or who've actually experienced things you only talk about.

blessing and letting grow. blessing and letting go.

I believe that there's more to life
than just what I see
And I believe that I can still fly
With these broken wings
- LaRue, "Fly"